h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

For immediate hire, one man or woman willing to help pilot a ship. Also wanted, other space age henchmen to help botch up some heroic plans. Apply below with the Mask of the Red Rejection eMail

*hollow voice*

I apply. I do not know if I am accepted as a member yet, but if I am I would be glad to help you with your plans.

Alright. Let's get your resumé out on the table.

Do you have any experience being evil? Have you ever been known by any other names (no need to list)? Have you at least applied for membership in S.T.U.M.P.E.D.? Have you ever been a heroic personage? (Heroics do not necissarily disqualify your application). If so, explain.

Do you have an experience with space flight?
Do you have any medical concerns which may keep you from performing any aspects of this position? If so, please explain.

What sort of compensation are you looking for?

What is the airspeed velocity of an unlaiden swallow?

*hollow voice*

I have very little experience of living on the whole, but all of it is being evil. I am trying to obey my Master during the masked ball and not to let my evil side to control me for now. Is it getting harder and harder, though...

And I vaguely remember being known by another name but I do not use that name any more.

I have applied for membership in S.T.U.M.P.E.D. but I have not received a reply for my application yet.

I have not been heroic. I have not had the time (or will) for that.

I do not exactly have any experience with space flight, but I have all the information about the model of this mask installed into my mind and his memories include plenty of space travel.

I do not have any medical concerns.

I am looking for the freedom to do as my nature requires and to break the chains that my "master" has chained me with as soon as the masked ball is over.

Is it an African of European swallow?

Thank you very much. You're definately hired. If you'll stop by Hangar 41 at http://www.h2g2.com/forumframe.cgi?forum=35868&thread=51980 we'll see where we can place you.

/Red

*hollow voice*

Now that I am safely in your ship, perhaps you could inform me about the details of your plan? The point seems to be to sabotage this Zork treaty mission, am I correct?

(figuring this forum was a better place to reveal secret plans)

Sorry about the lateness of this reply. I'd explain why I haven't been on -- but that would be telling. Sorry.

Plan. Plan. I thought I'd forgotten something. A plan. Thought I'd forgoten something. Luckilly in my absence, they still don't seem to have gotten far. Affy has given us a continuity alert and asked if the ship following him was us. I think it would rather behoove us to meet him outside the Risa system (he has to land to pick up the cargo he needs). We'll begin making trouble for him then. I think what we need to do is activate the the remote suggestion device I've planted in Ampton (Affy's robot) who I've ordered to stowaway on their ship. He doesn't know this yet.

As for a plan... I'll come up with one. Had a hectic Real Life recently and had little time for actual plotting and scheming.

/Red

By the way... what rank do you think you deserve? I think I'll give myself the rank of Commander, so you'll have to be something under that. Leutinant work? I'll use that until you make a choice of some sort.

/Red

*hollow voice*

Good to have you back. I was afraid you'd gone away for the summer or something and didn't know how I'd have managed without the Commander. And Lieutenant is fine with me.

>>Black

I'm not going to dissappear for more than a couple of days. Except maybe for a little bit in July. But that'll most likely be it. Thank you Lieutenant.

*hollow voice*

Good. I won't get worried then. And I certainly hope the unmasking is before July!!

As do I. Several people will get extreamely suspicious of who I am if I'm gone in July. There'd be no way for me to be here as the Mask of the Red Rejection eMail and not here as my alter ego, or vice versa.

/Red

I hope this is the place to sign up officially for STUMPTED because here is my application:
My name is Brian_Damage and, well, I'm evil and have already been fishing here and there...as it were.

I've seen you in the official STUMPED signup forum, Brian! Or should I call you damage? Anyhow, this page is where you can post your own personal advertisement -- to solicit your evil services! The forum on the other page (which you're already in) is the official signup forum. *This* forum is to sign up for my crew on board the Raven, which is a space ship. We've been giving the good guys on the Mangar (another ship), some trouble (we've kidnapped their navigator, hijacked two of their convoy ships along with some valuable cargo, nearly blown them up with an exploding robot, and ripped a hole in their hull with a weapons grade fruitcake).

Hope that clears up some confusion!

hey... i'm always up for some evil debauchery! um... i really hope there are some positions still open. um... i can cook! and, um... i have about 50 other personalities that i can turn into at will. (those are always useful for entertainment!) so... uh... let me know if there are any positions still open!!!

Greetings Red, Pending approval at the S.T.U.M.P.E.D. headquarters, I believe I can be of service, not only that but it will bring me closer to my goal, Moose...

As an evil twin I am quite capabale in most of the same areas as Moose of course, Engineering being my specialty. However i do have a keen affinity for sword-play with my very own diamond-forged Katana. Comes in very hand seeing as it can cut through all but one thing, Fruitcake. Unfortunately up to this point, my attempts to forge fruitcake have been well, wildly unsuccesful.

I await your decision...

~slant

All hires are conditional to the preliminary acceptance at STUMPED HQ, however, we accept anyone evil, and you certainly seem that. My ship itself is quite full for the moment. It's a two person ship, I'm piloting, Darth Noire (AKA Captain Black) is co-piloting, and Montressor, my android, is assisting. However, if either of you (Or both of you) would like your own ship to pilot and aid me in my attempts at foiling heroic plans, I'd be very grateful. I've got two convoy ships that are being piloted by my ship's computer. Their fairly well armed, as I hijacked them from the good guys. They came complete with hostages. If you'd like to take control of one of them -- or indeed if you'd like to split up and each take one, then meet me in this thread: http://www.h2g2.com/F35868?thread=57091 Teleport onto my ship, I'll have my co-pilot look you over for approval, we'll give you your orders, and teleport you to our convoy ships. /Red

I have a vett, a couple other ships, a few weapons labs and a couple good people in the right places in governments round the universe. If I can be of service give me a call.