h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

.. door to door sales pitch from the Jehovah's Witnesses,

They started off by inviting me to some religious service on the 30th commemorating the death of Jesus.

I declined

then I asked which religion they were from

The JWs.

Oh really? I think...

So on the fly I asked about the 144, 000 who are destined to be saved and enter heaven.

"Well there are 8000 alive of those on earth at the moment and they are destined rule on Earth in the God's new kingdom of the elect." (I'm paraphrasing)

And you believe that?

"I believe that that is what awaits us in the afterlife, yes."

"I see", I said. "Well, I'm an atheist. I don't believe in any gods or an afterlife. We're alive. We die. That's it.

"but God created man." she replied.

"Um...no I don't think he did. I think we evolved from a common ancestors with apes."

"well there's a debate about that."

No I don't think there is, the evidence is pretty much in on that one.

"Well well just have to disagree.

Indeed (shake hands) ; I guess we just have different standards of evidence. (close door.)

You're so much more polite than my mum. Her method goes along the lines of :

Opens door. See's door-to-door saleperson/ religious nutter*. Closes door.





*I should point out she's a Christian

Well done

My mum is also a Christian and gets into "who can be more affronted by your clear lack of biblical understanding debate."

And I'm generally a very polite person; I was however rather pleased with my parting shot.

Old joke:

What do you get if you cross a Jehovah's Witness withe a Hell's Angel?

Someone who knocks on your door and tells YOU to f**k off.

>>What do you get if you cross a Jehovah's Witness withe a Hell's Angel?

Someone who knocks on your door and tells YOU to f**k off.<<

I'm guessing that would look something like this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x2sJECWpItI

a bucket of cold water usually works for me, and chucked at them out of a upstairs window


JW's are the most

invite them in.........

this NEVER HAPPENS, and totaly throws them off track

be nice and make small talk and then after a little bit, make an excuse to leave, got to pick up the kids or something, and get rid of them, after you have given them some &

Jim Davidson (of all people) had a funny story about the JW's. Paraphrasing heavily:

Basically they knock at the door, and he invites them in to the house, and they sit down in the lounge.

Then he offers them a cup of tea.

Then he says "Oh, I was just making myself some breakfast, can I get some for you too?", and they accept.

Finally he says "Right, what can I do for you gentlemen?"

One of the JWs replies: "I honestly don't know - we've never got this far before".

"God's new kingdom of the elect" is not a JW phrase. I should know: I used to be one.

TRiG.

No indeed not, where I was hoping to head off to before we sort of diverted onto how were we're all created by a god, was the schism post 1840s from Millerism and The Great Disappointment and then focus on this idea that heaven is already closed so what exactly are they offering or why are they subscribed to this etc etc.

I'd really liked to have mined the whole evolution thing a bit longer too - just because...er I can. - but we didn't get any further because a) it was freezing outside with the door open b) we'd reached a sort of natural terminus.

Re: "Gods new kingdom of the elect." well I came upstairs and blogged this encounter almost immediately after it happened, but knew I was misremembering part of her explanation of why there are 144, 000 - the gist of it was however that they get to rule on Earth, I think was what she said, and she was very specific that there where 8000 of those left alive on Earth today, it was something like that, and there was a mention of the afterlife in which this would happen and this was all because God created us and the world etc.


Is that at familiar TRiG? (I admit I may have got the specific wordage awry)

I'm going to have to put a bit more thought into what I'll say if ever this happens again, I really was slightly off-guard, I was in the middle breakfast when they rang.

They never come to my door...

Double-barreled Rottweilers...

+300ft/lb bite force.

Each.

Does anyone? Posties , milkmen? or are the bones of the fallen strewn on the front lawn sufficient to ward of "trespassers"

144,000 go to heaven to rule the Earth, where everyone else ends up after the bad people have been annihilated. (There's no eternal Hellfire in this religion.) You're supposed to somehow know which destiny is yours. And approximately 8,000 JW's of "good standing" think they're going to heaven. The rest think they're staying here and "living for ever in Paradise on Earth".

As odd as this belief sounds, the Biblical support for it is as as solid as it is for any other brand of Christianity, to be honest. (That is, not very.)

TRiG.

(There's no eternal Hellfire in this religion.)


christ almighty, so where's the fun in that

>>..are the bones of the fallen strewn on the front lawn sufficient to ward of "trespassers"<<

They leave no traces....



Actually, they're both creampuffs, and would probably just slime the JWs

The way I get rid of the JWs is to say we are Kabbalists, and invite them to join the Coven!!!!!

(Not true of course!!!!)



GT

I can just see JW heaven.

'What's it been Cathy? Three, what, four million years and here we are still going door to door. And no one's ever home cause they're out going door to door.'