h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*jumps up and down*
YES!!! Another Angel/ACE
*sighs*
I miss Zax...

Someone said that I could sign up HERE.

GOD - almighty said I could be one. Can I?

We all miss Zax she is just W**king kind of like me but I do it volenterraly and not as much of it.

hmmmm, if i can't be an Angel cos i'm an ACE i might have to go sulk somewhere, but i probably wouldn't bother. Miss Angelwings is an ACE anyway.

Angel/ACEs are more than welcome.

Hi I would love to be a Gardian Angel, currently my nickname is 'Matt Patron Saint of Random Probability!'. Hopefully I can be the Saint of Random Probability. Could you please reply confirming either way.

No problem, Matt. Your request is noted & you will be informed of the ceremony.
AGB

Hello out there.

I am Arthur Dentist, the Patron Saint of Pliers.

I have had no reply. Have you all forgotten me?

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Helloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo????????????????????????????????????

Listen to the echoes!!!!

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I would like to be an Angel. I'm already an ACE and I would like to help more. I could be the Patron Saint Of The Color Blue. I would like to know if that would be okay.
Thank You!

HELP!
Exactly how many Angels are ACEs too- cos I was labouring under the delusion that myself and Zax were the only ones. Apparently, I was waaaaaaaaaaay off base.
I'm suitably embarrassed BTW- apologies to everyone....

Hello - you seem to be kind and sane. Is it possible that my request could be noted and acknowledged, so that I may become one of your sacred ranks of GA's?
Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease.....
HELP ME!!!!!!

Thankyou in advance. Lotsa luv
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I am absolutely certain that God will be along shortly to let you know Himself.
Between you and me... and, well yes everyone else who reads this posting... there shouldn't be any problem with becoming an Angel...

* Shrouded in mists above the Heavenly cloud layer up to a small rise amongst the foothills, and large glass pyramid structure starkly breaks up the horizon… *

* Outside the pyramids crystal clear walls a number of saints look around the horizon marvelling at the view of multicoloured hues refracted out of the curious pointy structure… *

* Saint Titania tells of the folklore this place has in Heavenly legend… *

* This is the famed Pyramid of Truth, known to be the only place in Heaven where HE can read your mind. It is assumed that once you gain access to Heaven by saving up all your metaphysical brownie points, and by generally leading a worthwhile life, that you are home Scot free… *

* Not so, if you happen also to be an Angel. HE requires some proof that you haven’t been sleeping into noon after being carried out of the bar singing a bawdy song about cherishing someone else’s navel lint, or running up an expenses bill the size of the GDP of a small African nation, or indeed, muttering about where that ‘devilish’ senior saint with the trident has gone who was always the life of the parties, and was, gosh darn it, handsome, debonair and had a wicked sense of humour to boot… *

* Saint Big ‘Evil’ Dan stares at Saint Jezzrian, who stares at Saint Technicolour Yawn, who stares at… Alright, there is an awful LOT of staring going on in ‘truth’… *


* From out of the mists below a Saint Pegasus rises carrying the frail Saint Peter… *

St.Peter – I’m glad to see you all here…

Welcome to this lovely little ceremonial hideaway, I think you would agree it was worth the flight time…

* Saint Pegasus tries frantically to raise the issue with him, but unfortunately she is too out of breath to speak… *

St.Peter – If you would like to move into the Pyramid we will start !!!

* Hastily… *

Archangel Galaxy Babe – Oh look what a lovely breeze flowing, fluffy clouds contently floating about in the sky, birds singing their merry tune. Surely we wouldn’t want to lock ourselves away in a stuffy old pyramid now ???

* St.Peter looks around sensing almost unanimous approval of Galaxy Babe’s suggestion. Well, the only one not nodding furiously is Saint Salam who is staring agog at being so high up again after last time… *

* St.Peter trudges closer to Jenny & Fred… *

I hereby dub you the Patron Saints Jenny & Fred the Cheese the Patron Saints of the Fantastically Creative !!!

May you go forth and gives those truly creative people some much needed common sense as well…

* St.Peter busily looks for the golden sword by his side, which is curious because he has unfortunately left it near his ‘bed-side’ back at Heaven H.Q… *

St.Peter – Ah… Saint Pegasus. I don’t suppose you could…

* Needless the poor saint arrives back some 30 minutes later bearing the ancient artefact… *

* Peter waves the golden sword amongst the rays of the pyramid almost blinding half of the angels in one artistic flourish, a pair of translucent wings appear and a golden halo… *

St.Peter – Would Arthur please step forward…

I Hereby dub you Saint Arthur Dentist Patron Saint of Novocaine !!!

May you go forth and assure everyone that those ‘irrational’ fears about going to the dentist can be offset easily by cranking up the laughing gas in the surgery at large…

* St.Peter waves the sword and a pair of white wings appear, plus a white halo which gives him that certain ‘ring of confidence’, he didn’t have before… *

* Peter then turns to Matt… *

I hereby dub you Saint Matt the Patron Saint of Random Probability !!!

May you go forth and assure all that despite all their good intentions to construct a rational life, that in a hairs breath it can all come tumbling down on a throw of the metaphysical dice…

* A sword flies past his face and a pair of wings appear which pulse away constantly with pure theoretical probability, whilst a white halo dot strobes its way around his head, seemingly obeying its own nature… *

* Peter points for Blue to step forth… *

I hereby dub you Saint Blue the Patron Saint of the Lonely & Blue !!!

May you go forth and bring a little colour to those in need…

* I could describe the texture, form and style of the wings & halo that appeared when St.Peter drew the sword, but I think you only want to know what was the colour… *

* Blue *

*claps*
Wonderful ceremony!
*on my way!*

Bravo! Welcome to all the new saints!

Congratulations to the new Saints.

Dang. Late again.

*Whacks at the diamond-studded gold watch on her wrist. Mutters that she has to start stealing from people in her own time zone*

Right. I would like to apply to be an angel. If you're worried about my thief persona that sometimes manifests itself, I can justify that with a lengthy philosophical argument which draws from Voltaire, Monty Python, Robin Hood, and the like, but as I will have to make it up as I go along, it will likely only bore and annoy you. So, if forgiveness is divine, then perhaps you can forgive me my foibles and see whether the good outweighs the bad.

I don't need a beautiful ceremony like the others got. You could just kiss the top of my head or something simple like that.

*Stands before God Almighty with a meak smile and fidgets nervously. Looks about and makes a mental note of the nearest escape routes *

Er.... HI, god could I be a guardian angel too, I apologise for getting my people to slaughter yours for those terrible years of the 6 century BC but it was a laugh wasn't, man? uh mabey not. okay well I wanna become a guardian angel and if it means I have to give you some of my believers well thats fine

How about some thing like Patron saint of pointless holy wars