h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I thank you for the ceremony.
The wings and the halo are not required.
I will look for the Human named Chrome now, then I will start performing my duties as Patron Saint of Empathy.
Seven inclines her head towards GOD.

*looks after Seven of Nine, and wonders exactly how she's meant to "teach" friendship...*
*hangs her head in shame as she realises that she really should have that New Saints Page ready by now*
*mutters something about this weekend being "h2g2 overexposure weekend", and makes encouraging noises about the page being finished...*
*stalks off to desperately seek out a copy of "Funeral Blues"*

Zack (or the whole gang collectively), I'm sure HE will come to you shortly, but do you have a suggestion for a Patronage?

The Patron Saint of Mixed Nuts? {Assorted Nuts}??

Doesn't that cover pretty much every Researcher on h2g2?

Zack: Patron saint of nutty behavior?

Hello there Zack !!!

I'm sure the Patron Saint of Nutty Behaviour would be more than worthy...

I'll get one of MY Angels to make it official in a few days or so by having a ceremony...

- Simply, High Spirited.

Zack: or the Patron Saint of Misspelling. Mis-spell-ing? mispeling

GOD has already spoken, dear Zack!
You will be informed of the ceremony, OK?
I'll come & get you myself, I am your GA after all.

Zack: sorry
Okay.

Hello I used to be Saint Punting the P.S. of Small Dogs. But many people have told me that they think it is offensive because theyt like Small dogs i want to become a new angel, hopefully,Tide The Patron Saint of Snack Foods & Small Animals. Thank You,

Tide

Zack: How is your name offensive?

*The Angels quietly seat themselves in front of the Heavenly Stage, awaiting the latest ceremony. A general buzz of dissatisfaction fills the air as it appears Big Evil Dan will be doing the sainting. "He won't put any effort into the ceremony" and "This will be boooring" are heard amongst the crowd.*

*The lights dim, as they often do at the start of a show.*

*The crowd falls silent, as they often do at the start of a show.*

*The stage explodes in a multitude of colour and sound, as it rarely does.*

*The audience is captivated by a wonderfully choreographed dance number and perhaps some of the best music they have ever heard. All are impressed by the display they are seeing, some later describing it as "the best ceremony ever".*

*Few of them are made aware of St. Peter's contribution to the show. St. Peter in fact did nearly all of the work, in exchange for--*

*The Narrator is quickly fired and replaced with one who is slightly less...complete...in his narration.*

*The show ends and Big Evil Dan flies in with the Golden Sword.*

BED: I'd like to thank everyone for showing up tonight. This is a very special Ceremony for us, as it will end with the crowning of a new Archangel. Now without further ado, let us begin. Mixed Nuts, would you...er...all of you, please step forward.

*The small crowd collectively known as Mixed Nuts steps forward. BED swings the sword in a wide arc, hoping to get everybody at once.*

BED: I dub you all Mixed Nuts, Patron Saints of Nutty Behaviour.

*Halos and wings of different size and shape appear, but as the less complete Narrator, I won't describe them all.*

BED: And of course, we cannot forget the most important part of this evening. As many of you should already know, after every twenty saintings we elect a new Archangel. Recently, we exceeded the eighty saint mark, which is a very great achievement indeed. And the latest winner of this title is --

*St. Peter walks on the stage, looking even more stressed than usual. He gives Dan a glance that seems to say "You owe me one." He hands Dan an envelope, and then leaves to get a drink. Dan opens the envelope and reads what is inside.*

BED: Saint Galaxy Babe, would you please come up here?

*GB files onto the stage looking rather surprised. BED brings forth the Golden Sword and waves it in front of Galaxy Babe. The blade leaves a trail of light in midair.*

BED: Galaxy Babe, because of your dedication to the Guardian Angels, and your assistance to those who would otherwise be lost, it is my pleasure to name you ARCHANGEL GALAXY BABE.

*A bright red heart appears on GB's shirt, surrounded by the glow of a million faraway stars. Dan hands her a package that looks remarkably like a wrapped-up towel. Amidst the applause of the Angels, Dan manages to make the following heard:*

BED: Now if we can all make our way to the increasingly smaller Wings Bar, I think we have a couple of things to celebrate.

-LOL!!!-

* GOD finally turns his attention away from his drink and looks over to the stage... *

Oh Bravo !!! Well Done Saint Dan & the new Saint & Archangel !!!

The best Archangel Ceremony yet !!!

* It's about this time to lure of the slightly demonic drink draws his attention yet again... *

- Simply, Not Worthy.

St.Peter - Hello Everyone !!!

I've made some changes to some of your patronages as some have requested...

They are the following...

Tide (formerly Punting) Patron Saint of Snack Foods & Small Animals

Bob Patron Saint of Original Spelling

Wilson Brown Bear Patron Saint of Unbearably Depressed

Vince Patron Saint of the Indecisive & Nyphomaniancs... (i.e 69th saint )

...and finally Titania now gains the title of Herald of Heaven for coming second in the Archangel polling...

Thanks
St.P.

Awww that's wonderful...
*flies off to find Titania*

*doesn't point out that he is the one who actually has to do the w*rk of changing the records.*

Zack: Thank you very much. We are all so happy to be a part of this.

DARK GRAY: I'M NOT! I don't want to be a saint! Get these wings off of me!

Zack: Well most of us are happy.

*Several flying through the air with their new wings, ocasionally ramming into each other.*

Zack: Congratulations Galaxy Babe.

I am Aunt B 93. I am the guardian angel of dolls. NO UGLY DOLLS! NO NAKED DOLLS! Everyone who knows how to sew do a good deed and run down to your local orphanage (aka second-hand store) and rescue an orphan from oblivion. Save Barbies from being carried about by their hair! Teach little girls how to treat these magical totem-objects with due respect, and all goddesses ever portreyed by a doll will bless you!