h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Why don't these exist? It was a particularly drunken conversation that came up with this idea, of having a keyhole, like your yale or chubb, but instead of having it flush, and making it hard to get the key in first time after a couple of beverages waking the neighbours in the process, why can't these sorts of keyholes have a little funnel bit that guides the key into the hole, as long as you have aimed in the general area?
But this would not just be for people who go out and drink one to many, no, the real benefit would be for people with eyesight problems. For all those people whole have trouble seeing small things, like keyholes, they would only have to aim in the rough area of the hole and the funnel type thing would guide the key home.
Definatly a phase two product that should be made a reality.

I'm astonished! It's f*****g brilliant!
Of course, having one would ruin your reputation as a respectable sober member of society, but at times when you don't need such a rep anyway, and all you want ot do is crash asleep, it sounds fantastic!

Not just people with vision problems would benefit from this. Also, people with coordination. Have you ever wondered what it would be like to use a key when you're living with Parkinson's? And it shouldn't affect the lock itself, since the tumblers would all still be behind the lockplate/funnel. I can really see this helping out with the elderly/disabled community.

But you don't even need to have many problems for this to be useful. When you're carrying two big paper bags of groceries and have to open the door, there's the shuffle, and then, depending on door/wall placement, you might not be able to actually see the lock. A funnell would help immensely. Add a child bouncing around in the background and any parent would bless you for the thought.

What about combining the funnel idea with having a magnetic lock with a positive polarity and a key with a negative one? You could just thrust the key forward at the door and it would be sucked into the lock.

Oh hang on a minute. That'd make things worse. If your keys had different polarities they'd all get stuck together. If the same, then it'd look like you had a crab in your pants. That's definately a bad look.

Brilliant idea!

There's only one drawback: the funnel will be in the way when you try to actually TURN the key.

The funnel can't be too wide and flat, or it wouldn't be effective. However, if the shape is right for it to key your key into the lock, you will only be able to hold it with two fingertips, and can't apply any force to it.

We could make the handles on the keys bigger to overcome that, or make the keys over all a tad longer, but would you be happy having to carry an extra bag, only to hold your key-ring?

I could quite happily live with a longer key if it meant being able to get it into the keyhole in less than 5 goes But the funnel doesn't have to be a narrow one, a wide funnel type thing would allow a clenched hand within it.

I thought about that, too. Wide and flat would be bad. But what about wide and deep? That could work, couldn't it? Or could it? There's got to be a way around it!

~Irving

Indeed, the funnel thing only has to guide the key roughly, it doesn't have to get it exactly

What are we wasting our time with this for? What you need is an electronic lock with a little remote unlocking gadget like they use on cars. Somewhat more cost prohibitive (they actually already exist) but if they became commonplace it wouldn't be such an added cost.

I'd like to point out that the purpose of this page seems to be that we brainstorm things we'd like that don't exist. One of the basic rules of brainstorming is that you don't nix an idea until the list is whole, as that's counter productive. So let's not get into reasons why this *wouldn't* be a good idea, not just yet

~Irving

The funnel could rotate with the key, with a weak (ie: very breakable ) spring pushing back into position.

Aye, I think having the funnel actually mounted onto the barrel thing would be a good idea, because then it would turn with the key, so that's that problem solved.

The thing with having an electronic beeping thing like on cars is that you can get equipment that grabs the signal and copies it, then you go in for random signal encryption and it's a never ending circle. Also even I can't change the batteries in those things when sober, and I've got reasonable eyesight, imagine trying to do it when drunk?

I think the simpler it is the better.

Pastey, playing chess online

The funnel wouldn't need to be all that big - just a sort of chamfer around the existing keyhole would probably work - on many locks the mechanism is usually an inch or two inside the lock, so there is a lot of room to play with. I'll try to pick up an old lock somewhere and see how feasible it is. I don't think it would be suitable for all locks - the ones on office cabinets etc might be a bit troublesome.

I never said it wouldn't be a good idea, sheesh. Okay, I worded my post in a rush, as in "Hey, hey, let's think about this!", possibly too much so.

Brainstorming also generally means you don't restrict the type of ideas that come out. And while this was started with funneled keyholes, it seems an awful lot like the idea is to find an easier way to get a home door lock open while partially incapacitated. Is that not the problem at hand?

One of the problems with powered locks on doors or whatever is what happens when the power goes (batteries die, power outage etc). Do the locks open or close? There are pros and cons in both scenarios.

As for a lengthening keys, mortice lock keys are generally quite long already, so it wouldn't add too much to the length of the key. If turning the key is a problem then how about something to clip into the hole (where you put the keyring) that is a sort of tommy bar extension to get the required leverage.

Alright, so, in the interest of fairplay, what are the best ways to get around he power problems raised by the power lock scenario?

~Irving

Hm, I'd say the lock would stay locked and there would be a backup manual system with a key. Which brings us back to the keyhole problem, of course.

I've actually been looking into this, if the funnel is a small one, say like one used for getting sugar into homebrew bottles, and you just cut the thin bit of at the end, then mount that to the round bit that goes round the keyhole, it does actually work. It only needs to stick out about an inch or so, and be about 3 to four inches wide at the outer-most. That gives you enough space to fit a normal hand into it with a key, and still be able to turn the key.

Onto a powered lock, good points, easy to use, bad points power loss.
But if it locked when the power ran out, as deity knows you don't want it to open then there could always be an overide that doesn't involve a key. There are on some security doors at places I've worked, but then these are always on the inside, if you were to put them outside, it's burglers paradise. It could also get a bit expensive at the moment.

But just a small fennel attachment to a lock would be cheap, simple to fit (just a bit of superglue) and easy to use.

Pastey, working on the Post

Why not have it mains powered, battery backup?

That certainly would work for the door, but what about the keyring with the button thingy on it?

Pastey