h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*In the distance, from the direction of the Musehome, comes the throaty roar of motorcycle engines. The rumble approaches until individual machines can be made out. The lead machine is being driven by a large grey wolf, who appears to be speaking into his helmet. His sidecar seems to contain a person-sized bundle.

The second machine is being driven/ridden by two, no, three dogs and they are also carrying a person-sized bundle.

After this there is a considerable gap, then there are several machines being driven by cats.

The two dog machines roar onto the beach.*

*Njan's radio, previously dead, crackles into life on the road just next to the waterworks. It says one word.*


INCOMING!!!!!!

*The throb of a helicopter blade whirrs into life on the other side of the waterworks, and a sizable cloud of dust is kicked up. The cloud appears to be moving towards the dog encampment. The thrub increases, and out of the cloud appears a large apache longbow helicopter gunship.*

I can see my house!

*the helicopter draws closer, and behind it a beach buggy with a .5 BMG cal browning machine gun and an M61 automatic grenade launcher mounted on the back roars over the dunes, with a really satisfying ...

vvvvrrrrrRRRRRRRMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!

. The beach buggy accelerates, and breaks to a halt under the gunship, which by this point has its' 20mm flak cannon trained on the heads of all of the dog leaders. The beach buggy's occupants, labeled "Njan" and "Krans" leap out, toting a G36ka assault rifle/grenade launcher (plus assorted small arms) and two AK-MSs, respectively. A sound resounds from the two, echoing around much of the island...*

FREEEEEZE!

*Flash grenades are launched from Njan's G36k, and as they fly through the air, both soldiers flip their combat visors down, protecting them from the glare and enabling them to see through the ensuing smoke and chaos, pinpointing Arl*

A warcry eminates from Krans... "May your feet be cut off and buried 6 feet from the rest of your body, so your ghost won't walk!!!" (and then, as an afterthought, "Die, Monkeyface!", who - toting his two AKs, screams into battle. Slinging one, he grabs Arl under one arm, and - covered by Njan - runs back towards the buggy*

*noticing the change in terrain, Saturn Girl pulls her Harley over, and changes to tires that'll work better in the sand, then hops back on. She takes off after the 3 dog, and one hostage occupied motorcycle, and soon over takes them. She reaches over, grabs Arl, and doubles back to Njan to hand over Arl for safe keeping.*

*Njan empties his three 5.56mm clips of ammo into the crowd and dives into the buggy with Krans, which screams over the dune and off into the distance. The Apache is not far behind*

Within seconds, everything is clear, and the dust settles to the ground.

*from the silence, the sound of the dune buggy is heard once more, now with only one occupant - Njan. Screaming to a halt, he grabs Sea, and then roars off into the distance again, nowhere to be seen*

Sea? I meant Saturn Girl.

Sorry. It's the lack of coffee.

i was wondering how i got here without my knowing it

*sea comes roaring up, finally*

slips off her sea disguise and makes a grab at the arl bag, then begins to fade...

Arl's been evacuated from the scene. The bag, and Arl, are both presently in an undisclosed location, under the guard of Krans, myself, and minions.

*Busterbone leaps off motorbike and pulls away camoflage netting to reveal 4 Honda Oddyseys each with mounted machine guns and mine droppers*

Thought these might come in handy chums, what!!

*leaps aboard Honda and roars off*

fades from the dune buggy, Into the gas tank, clogging it with slime. then ghost tries to find her way back from "nowhere to be seen". from someplace "into the distance" , it's a bit tricky, but she makes it.
meanwhile, in the vehicle with njan, is a small package which makes an ominous ticking sound...

*having been grabbed, and evacuated to the undisclosed location, Saturn Girl's now worried about her Harley that got left behind in the quick evacuation*

I worked sooo hard on that thing, and now it's sitting in the sand, in that salt air, and it's gonna be a rust bucket by the time I get back there to get it out! *pouts, and sits in a corner*

I could have gotten myself out you know..... *paces around annoyed*

*Arl is now being looked after at the h2g2 Cantina, in the Armoury* http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/F45513?thread=132995

*whispers*

Have they gone ?

OK the dummies seems to have fooled them. Now to reassemble Arl .... *opens jacket* OK here's the parts I`ve been carrying. Unc pass me the limbs, Busterbone yours please, darning needele, forceps, head, superglue, finally bandages and there ... good as new *admires handywork*

Hmmmm, not sure that ought to go there but it`s close enough, he`ll not win any beauty contests unless they decide to have a Miss Merchant Seaman.

*leaps onto Honda and roars off*

*UH is left standing on the beach. He clicks his fingers and removes a small bundle of metal from his jacket. at a flick of a button, it unfolds into an improbably large chromium muscle bike. Quickly, he changes out of his suit and into some ripped denim and a black leather jacket. he gets his shades on and clambers onto the bike. It rears up on its back wheel and zooms off after the others. While travelling, UH feels a squirming in his pocket. he reaches in, puzzled adn withdraws a lung...*

*thinks* hmm...arl may need this

*he catches up with the others*

*Krans' jeep skids to a halt.*

Grrr... where have they gone?

*Grabs radio*

Njan... come in Njan... where the **** has he got to?

Oh well...

*Roars off again over the dunes, probably ruining the suspension*

*as he roars over the dunes, Krans is looking puzzled*

I;m sure there was something I was supposed to do...

Ah, got it!

*Krans does a U turn, heading back to the beach*