h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

This is a very long thread, I can't go all the way through it to see whether this has already appeared. It's graffito spotted on the wall of a cubicle of the ladies loo in Sussex Uni library:

"I'm pink, therefore I'm spam"

Wonderful
~Ladies... pray be seated... and let the matter drop!~
shazzPRME
PS... the press are NOT trying a cover up in here! LOL

*reads wall*

~Hooray DON for the Venerable Bede
Who frequently scattered his ALFREDO seed.
Twixt altar and pew,
He would seek FOR postures new,
And whenever it rained, cry:"God's peed PRESIDENT"!~

not very good coverup by the press

heh heh

*sneaks in, hides under couch - and instantly faints*

ROFL! Someone should have warned you about that !!
shazzPRME

*wakes up, crawls out from under the couch, realizes he has total amnesia (but is obviously not suffering from it) and moans*

Who am I, what am I, Where am I?

*Walks out to look at the door to find a clue*

~One evening while eating tandoori,
Pierce was seized by a raven-haired houri.
He gave such a start,
That his zip burst apart...
At least, that's his defence to the jury!~

*giggles uncontrollably~
shazzPRME

One evening while eating some chili
Pierce spilled some sauce on his ... trousers
and screamed "Oh, my god!
it's burning red hot
my table-manners are silly"

*blushes uncontrollably*

(Thank you for rekindling my ability to write subtle poems, "Shazz Supreme". Can we catalogue your last contribution under "Poetic Justice"?)

Hehehehe! Best place for both of them I think LOL
shazzPRME

~The interesting thing about Marv
Is that he will never starve!
He just crams it all in
'til it dribbles down his chin
and then crams it all in... agin!~
*this was not me!*

*grabs Shazz's lipstick then writes* Help Garibaldi move, the old address is http://www.h2g2.com/F51782?thread=71432

~ 'Posing naked can often be fun',
Said Pierce with a wink to a nun.
She replied:'But I'm chaste',
He said:'Oh what a waste,
I've seen worse on page three of 'The Sun'.~

~Whenever I wear my new clogs,
I'm followed by frisky young dogs.
One started to beg,
Then cocked his leg
And dampened the hem of my togs.~

shazzPRME woz here!

*sneaks in, sees Shazz' writing - and hurries out to alarm the Noble Prize Committee for Litter(ature)*

Hehehe
I better start practising my acceptance speech then
I will now go and think up another one...or two
shazz woz ere!

*enters after long, long nap, dying to go*

*reads graffiti*

Man, no matter how often toilet paper gets replenished, there is always only a few sqaures left in any stall. What happens? Do people use them to wipe the lipstick off the mirrors?

LOL... probably!
I think that the proprietor has been rather busy just recently... we still have more paper in here then the gents though!
shazz woz ere

What a relief - no work is finished before the paperwork is done, you know...

Indeederdaad!
Still... there is still plenty of room in here for more graffiti... what a relief that the cleaning bot hasn't been round again!
*Borrows biro from Pierce's back pocket and writes*

~When sipping a cup of Darjeeling,
I observed that the brew was congealing.
It set like meringue,
Then went off with a bang!
And I found myself stuck to the ceiling.~

*Finds one more sheet of paper, wipes the biro tip, and pops it back into the pocket.*

shazz woz ere

When I spotted Shazz on the ceiling
I instantly craved some Darjeeling
added som rum
and had lots of fun
while the lady was struggling and squealing
in a vain attempt to get down
from the ceiling

bwahahaha

*The rum slithered down like a treat
As shazz struggled to find her feet
She clutched onto Pierce
Who looked rather fierce,
But was really rather sweet!*

shazz woz ere