h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

::stumbles out of the ally::

::hands donne a fish::

::stumbles back to the ally::

I saw a vast procession
Of powerful leaders
All wearing their seatbelts
Because It's The Law

I saw a man
Strapped into a chair
And electrocuted
By the state

I saw an airplane
Shaped like a cross
Shooting bullets
To kill people

I saw all these things
But I didn't see the Emporer

No, that's not a typo. I'm trying for the Gratuitous Poet of the Millennium award.

Donne & all: I wish to right a taken written bit. To reclaim a bit of mine own script. It seems my band lines were taken by one sister of mine. I'd like to take them back. Inform you that they're MY plack. She declined informing me that in this nook y'all would see that which I writ; taken as her own sh*t! Oops... heh.. Ew. Anyhoo, the band poem written in here as one from Frood of the Loons was original & conceived solely by my own mind, body, & person. Unmistakably & indubitably. Be informed, as you have been.

Oh, by the way... I'm going to put up a poem! hehe... It was published at school in the annual lit. mag. I didn't want to write a poem... Our english teacher made us do it. We were supposed to pretend to be Maya Angelou & pick one object through which to convey some profound message to man. I thought a toaster to be fitting. I like toast. I'm a bit verbious.. doncha think?
.
Burnt Toast
.
I AM the toaster
Rise ye sleepy drones
And I shall beckon you
to my side.
Shake off the past day
Gather your thoughts
from my radiant chrome
Look into your own face
and tell me what you see.
Do you feel what you see?
Is your image what you
want to see?
Change it.
Make it what you want.
Finish off your cracking toast
Start your brand new day.
Look your image in your eyes
I've nothing more to say
but eat up at breakfast
to give life to new thought
Fuel your own Fire,
Burn your own toast.
Change your fresh
sliced
bread
Into a wondrous creation.
Slather it with butter, jam, & pride.
Let me help you.
Let this toast start your day.
Your day.
.
that was long. I feel sleepy.
......

Please computers, don't crash,
Don't let the millenium bug get you -
I know this may be rash,
But without H2G2 what will I do?
I need to write articles,
And stupid forum posts
About non-existent particles,
And very-existent ghosts.
I need the Forum & Firkin,
And the Aroma cafe too -
And the sewer, with monsters lerking,
I just love my H2G2.
So please computers don't die,
Whatever you may do,
Because to say it is to not lie -
I love my H2G2.

<BB<

(Sung to the tune of American Pie, with apologies to Don McLean)

A long, long time ago...
I can still remember
Computers used to make me smile
And I knew if I had my chance,
That I could make electrons dance,
And maybe I'd be happy for a while.
But January made me shiver,
It chilled me deep down in my liver,
Bad new I'd collected...
I couldn't get connected.
I can't remember back that day
When I first knew the Y2K
But something touched me anyway,
The day computers died.
So,

Bye, bye to the next digit of Pi
Ran my PC on some DC but the voltage was dry,
And good ol' boys were sending e-mail replies
Saying this will be the day I retire,
This will be the day I retire

Can you write in C plus plus?
And do you have faith in your local bus,
If the driver tells you so?
So you believe in Compaq's goals?
Can software save your mortal soul?
And can you teach me how to type real slow?
Well I thought that you were prepared
'Cause your memo said you weren't impaired
Your stationary's swell
But you can go to hell
I was a lonely teenage UNIX hack
With an incantation and a modem jack
But I knew the cat had left the sack
The day computers died
I started singin'...

Bye bye to the next digit if Pi
Ran my PC on some DC but the voltage was dry,
And good ol' boys were sending e-mail replies
Saying this will be the day I retire
This will be the day I retire

Now for ten years we've ignored th threat
And we haven't solved the problem yet
But that's not how it used to be
When the luddies read for the king and queen
With a light they filled with kerosene
And some manuals they stole from you and me
And while Bill Gates was looking pleased
Time stole his monopolies
The courtroom was adjourned
No verdict was returned
While Apple tried a color scheme
The engineers returned to steam
And we had purges of their dreams
The day computers died
We were singin'...

Bye bye to the next digit of Pi
Ran my PC on some DC but the voltage was dry
And good ol' boys were sending e-mail replies
Saying this will be the day I retire
This will be the day I retire

Intel inside an iron smelter
The food left over from my fallout shelter
Twinkies old and aging fast
I'd rather eat the grass
Q and A tried for a system crash
With the tester on the sidelines in a cast
Now the timeshare net was running Doom
While mainframes played a marching tune
We all tried to log in
Oh, but we never could begin
'Cause Cobol tried to take the field
And Holerith refused to yield
Do you recall what was revealed,
The day computers died?
We started singing

Bye bye to the next digit of Pi
Ran my PC on some DC but the voltage was dry
And good ol' boys were sending e-mail replies
Saying this will be the day I retire
This will be the day I retire

There we were all in a state
A generation really late
With no time left to start again
So come on mouse be numble, mouse be quick
Son't let my spreadsheet data stick
'Cause data is the devil's only friend.
As I watched him on my screen
My hands and face were drenched in steam
No angel born in hell
Could run that stupid shell
And as the ball climbed higher in the night
To call the sacrificial night
I saw Dick Clark laughing with delight
The day computers died.

I met a girl with a cell phone
And I asked her for a dial tone
But she just smiled and turned away
I went down to the software store
Where I'd seen computers years before
But the man there said the games there wouldn't play
And in the streets the children screamed
The lovers cried and the poets dreamed
Their interface was spoken
The Internet was broken
And the three things I connect to most
The Website, Lan and the Network host
Every single one was toast
The day computers died.
They were singin'

Bye bye to the next digit of Pi
Ran my PC on some DC but the voltage was dry
And good ol' boys were sending e-mail replies
Saying this will be the day I retire
This will be the day I retire

sips from a cup of hot chocolate and thinks of The Pig

The pig, if I am not mistaken,
Supplies us sausage, ham and bacon.
Let others say his heart is big -
I call it stupid of the pig.

~Ogden

Pig. Yes. Good.
Proud follower of Drummer666
||||
(o o)
'''
The pig.
;._.;
{*o*}
` `----&
|-|---//
' ' `
Yesss.

Darn it! The stupid pig didn't work! Pigs suck! & are packaged! Ew!

~playing hambone~

I got a pig home in a pen
Corn feedin' hog
All I need is a pretty little girl
Feed him when I'm gone

Hey Jim, hey Billy
if you're feelin' kinda silly
Wander down the street
aim at hippies with your feet.
Kick 'em in the head
Kick 'em in the shin
Kick 'em in the arm
Kick & kick agin.
They won't really mind
If you kick 'em you will find
You muss their hair a little
& the silly hippies cry.

Jump up and down on a peice of paper,
And you will find mud below.

Mud & paper? Is this truth? I must quest for this answer...

Taa.

::quests::

I may have to pop back here with my Requiem to a Blue Bic Disposible Pen later on this evening.

We're waiting patiently.

*DD steps up to the small stage*

Sorry it took so long, but I had to get everything right including the title.

A Poem called "Anthea's Pen R.I.P., Died 18th November 1986, on active service(The Requim to a Blue Bic Disposible Pen. No longer with us but not alone, Breathing it's last with two retired coffee cups)

Your blue life source errupts from the wrong end,
Staining all things which stand in its way.
Everyone knows your active life is over
Yet noone mourns as you life fades away.
"Seen it all before","Nothing special","Let's leave"
Lonely you die the end of an era
Noone will mourn you, no family to greive.

Rest in Peace, dear pen, now you've departed
Noone cared for you but you're missed dearly.
Were you chewed and gnawed the normal pen's life?
No! Then your mistress was truely a great lady.

It brings a tear to my eye

~Irving

There once was a hiker named Douglas
Who invented a web site just for us
He went incognito
Through forums to see how
It felt to be mostly unpublished

Add a line
to every dime
store novel that you find
And soon enough
You'll have the rough
first draft of 'Polly's Bluff'
But take away
for every day
You've had to plow your way
through bits of slime
from someone's mind
to whom you wouldn't give the time

???

I need sleep!

'Nonnie