h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Orange ye glad I didn't say banana?

I didst groan to ye depths of mine countenance.

knock knock

The artical on crocs has a good one right at the end but back to the previously scheduled joke

knock knock

Oh no, not knock knockity knock knock.

Who's there?

boo

boo who? haven't you stopped crying yet?

How do you kill a Circus?

Er, you go for the Juggler.....

Have you got any more in the same vein?

A young man came home from university with his degree.

"Mum," he said proudly, "I've got a 2-2."

"Very good dear," she said. "But wouldn't you look better in a leotard?"

This next one is crude and stupid. I heard it at middle school.
A new kid is introduced to the 4th grade class but the teacher doesn't know his name so she asks"Whats your name sonny?" And he says "Boobei Ich" "What!!" His teacher yells;"you're going to the principle!" So he goes to the principles office and sits down. Then the principle says;"Whats you're name little boy?" And he says "Boobei Ich" The principle then goes I'm calling you're mother and sends the kid out of the room. While his mother comes the kid wanders out of the school and finds some matches. He starts a fire and just as his mom gets there the fire department shows up. Then he runs infront of a firetruck and is mom yells"My poor Boobei Ich" So the firefighter next to her goes "then scrach it"
The orginal was more coherent but it has been many years since I used this sort of joke in RL

...understandably...

I wish I could remeber the one about "the kid from tennessee who'll kid your @$$ from tree to tree" but I just have the name and that it's another of the ones were I guy has an insane name

Just when you thought it was safe...


Man says to Doctor: I can't sleep. Every time I lie on my left I hear 'The Green Green Grass of Home,' and when I lie on my right, I hear 'Delilah.'

Doctor: I'm afraid you have a case of Tom Jones Fever.

Man: Tom Jones Fever? Is that common?

Doctor: Well, It's not unusual.........

Her housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds later, he shouted to her from the laundry room: "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," she replied. "What does it say on the shirt?"

There was a pause, then he yelled back: "Liverpool."

Knock knock.

Who's there?







Yes.

Thought I'd contribute...

A man walks into a pub with a frog on his head.
The barman says, "Blimey mate where did you get that?"
The frog says, "Well, it started off as a boil on my bum."