h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

There once was a little kid who was a teachers pet. He was always being picked on by this one bigger kid. One day the bully dared him to ask their teacher what a purple donut is. The little kid didn't want to but the bully taunted him about it till he caved. So the little kid stays after school and asks "w..wh..whats a purple donut?" and his teacher goes in to a state of shock before yelling:"GO TO THE PRINCEPLES OFICE RIGHT NOW" So he does and the principle who knows the kid as a model student says "Calm down and relax then just tell me what happened it can't be to bad" So the kid hesitates for a few seconds and says “I asked my teacher what a purple donut is.” The principle went a rather scary shade of red then screamed“ You’re expelled young man.” The little boy walked home dejected. Once he was home he had to deal with his mother. She asked him what he was doning home so early to which he responed ”I got expelled” His mother quickly said” This has got to be some sort of mistake what happened” he replied I asked my teacher what a purple donut is.” His mom faints has a heart attact and dies. Then his Dad comes home and asks what happened. The now rather hystrical little boy confesses “I got expelled because I asked my teacher what an purple donut is” His dad faints has a heart atact and dies. So the little boy goes to live with his Grandma. About a week latter as he is finshing up his pie his Grandma says”Hey you’ve been visting for an alfully long time. I love you staying here but need to know when you’re going home so I can shop.” The boy who has had a chance to think his situation and wasn’t a complete idiot was imeadatly on his guard and hesitantly replied “I think I’m going to be here a while.” “Ok, sonny so like a week a month?” “I think I could be here a little longer than that

sorry I just meant to preview that to see how long it is I'm not finished typing it up I'll try to do that soon

here is the rest
“Ok, sonny so like a week a month?” “I think I could be here a little longer than that.” “Oh dear, atn’t you worried about school and missing your parents?” “I kinda got expelled and mom and dad are dead.” “Oh my.” The Gandma exclaimed. “What happened” The kid now panicing lets slip”I asked my teacher what a purple donut is.” His grandma faints has a heart attack and dies. The boy calls 911 and begins to weep hystaricaly. In a couple of minutes an ambulance and a police car arrive the ambualance takes the grandma’s body away and the police officer camly asks the boy what happented. The boy sobs “They all died because I asked my teacher what I purple donut is.” The police officer blows his top and yells”you’re going before a judge young man” then drags the kid away. Once the kid gets to the court the judge says”you look like a reasonable young man why don’t you tell me how this all got started?” The kid says “I asked my teacher what a purple donut is on a dare” The judge completely loses his cool and yells “you are going to jail for 15 years young man!”
15 years latter the young man is let out of jail and runs into a guy running an icecream cart he used to vist as a kid. So the kid goes over to the cart and orders a Sunday. The guy running the cart says “hey I haven’t seen you around lately what ya been up to? Been on vaction or somethen?” The kid(not that he is really a kid anymore) says”Attualy I’ve been in jail.” “What happened?’ the vendor asks in a surprisingly nonchalant way. “I asked my teacher what a purple donut is.” The kid replies. The vender says”whoa whoa whoa keep your voice down kid.” He then pull the kid close and says “Yah really want to know what a purple donut is?” The kid who by now is pretty curious about the think that has killed his family and landed him in jail nods. “Ok then. At 12 midnight tonight there might be someone in that old abandoned house across the street who can help but you got to wait for the all clear signs before you go over. If everything is ok the door will slam twice the shutters will bang twice and there will be two owl hoots.” The boy shows up by were the vendor was at 12 sharp and pretty soon he hears slam slam bang bang hootey hoo hootey hoo he runs across the street and get ran over by a car and dies. The moral of the story ………



Look both ways before crossing the street.


I would like to leave yall with a question for next time
where do you find a turtle with no legs?

(a)

(b) In America. They're called tortoises everywhere else that speaks proper English,legs or no legs, and different things everywhere else that doesn't, legs or no legs. Unless you mean the sea-going kind. You'll find them in or by the sea, legs or no legs.

sorry jab but the correct ansewr is were you left it

My answer's correct too, but yours is neater

Jab

Heres another riddle how many programers does it take to change a light bulb?

no one? Well heres the the anser
None, thats a hardware problem.
knock knock

Pray, who is without?

banana

Banana who?

knock knock

Prithy - did thou knockest afore, who is without?

banana

Foresooth - banana who? Art thou a bunch?

knock knock

Odds bodkins - can'st hou leavest mineself to sum versimlitude of quietness - Answer if thou pleasest else would'st thou verily slingest thine hooke.

Mercyful heavens - I thinkest they hast gone.

orange

Yea ye varmit hast returned. By thunder, Orange who?