h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'm definitely The Vestboy. No don't put me on a bike - I get sick in bikes. Green leathery skin? Maybe I've got turtlitis?

*dr cakewalker thinking of a cure for this* Nope, I'll have to pop down to the lab and invent one. Go and eat some chalk (only mention this as I think my explanation for Vestboy's greenness is more logical).

Where am I going to find a teacher at this time of day?

Dunno. Where are you going to find a teacher at this time of day?

That makes both of us.
Y'see if you can find a teacher and sneak up on them you can put your hand round the back of theri ear and see if they've got any chalk left over from writing on the board.
Then I can eat it. It's medicinal - apparently.

Sorry, I thought you were telling us a joke. Besides, that wouldn't work as teachers all have whiteboards and ink pens these days - you'd get ink poisoning and go even greener.

What's wrong with being Green anyway? It's environmentally friendly, economical, good if you are in a war and need camoflage, and some of the best frogs, including Kermit, are green.

Yeah, waht's the matter with green?
Someone I once knew said, "It's environmentally friendly, economical, good if you are in a war and need camoflage, and some of the best frogs, including Kermit, are green."
And you wouldn't want to argue with that would you. It must be true because I saw it on the Internet.

I didn't say there was anything wrong with green - I didn't bring that point up originally.

No, there's nothing wrong with being green (although Kermit DID say it wasn't easy), unless you're the only green person on the planet. That means we have to completely ignore the possibility that you might contribute something to human understanding of alien life forms, and get the military to bomb you to a pulp in case you might be a Red.

And how do we know that someone who appears Green isn't really Red, but colour-blind, and so only LOOKS Green?

Is Spiny from Ireland, "The Emerald Isle"?

Who said I was from earth? You haven't read my home page than have you? But I can't remember what colour I was when I set off. It was a long time ago.

A sort of mauvy shade of pinky russet, perhaps?

in answer to the original question...
I don't think it would work - human bodies and beds are too soft to pop bubble-wrap, except at bony places like fingers, so unless you have a particularly bony lover, and a particularly hard bed, you'd not get enough poppity-pop action...

A Futon with a bubble-wrap mattress and Calista Flockhart?

Eeuw, I've just come over all funny. You're a sick person, Cakewalker