h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Oh well, there must have been two Scrotums, then!

Yeah. At least.

Dr tells man that he has three testicles and that this is an amazing medical phenomenon. On the bus going home the man can't stop smiling to himself. Eventually he turns to the man next to him and says
"Do you know there are five testicles resting on this bus seat?"
"Why" says the other man, "You only got one?"

What's that got to do with Bubble-wrap???
Hang on, I DON'T want to know!

We'lll make sure you never know. And please note that in future correspondence, I will be known as "SPINY", as someone else has appeared who wishes to be known as "Spiny Norman". I've graciously allowed them to keep the full name, since my school and university nickname was always just SPINY anyway. So there.

Thanks....

Actually, I DID want to know. Go on. Tell your little Bluebottle. You know you want to.
(Thinks this might be educational, and puts hands on knees whilst waiting in suspense...)

Mad impetuous boy! Well I'll only tell you if I can borrow your string.

you can borrow my string, Spiny...tell me, too?

Yes, I have a length of vest string you can borrow - explanations please!

Okay, you force me to do this (put on your ear muffs if easily offended) testicles make the same satisfying (or excruciating, depending on your point of view) noise if you squeeze hard enough. That's if you can hear the pop above the screaming of their owner. Happy now? *Spiny's mum comes in and clips him hard on the ear "You nasty boy! Wash your mouth out with soap and water!" "It's not fair, mum! A big boy did it and ran away"*

PS Can I have my string now?

How did you find this out???? Sounds very perverted to me...

Okay, okay, I admit it was theory. Too squeamish for a practical on that one. NOW can I have my string?

What's so important about the string anyway?

String is at the heart of everything. Here Spiny take this length of top rate vest string. And if youwant to carry out the experiment don't look at me!

Ta! *tugs bit of string proffered by Vestboy. As it keeps on coming, his vest starts to unravel* I don't think you meant to give me *horrified* My God!! Look everyone! He's ... he's ...GREEN!

Enter Bluebottle, sees greenness of Vestboy, and faints. *Thinks* How can I think when I have fainted?

Damn! That's never happened before. I'll have to get Auntie Ole f'tang f'tang Biscuit-Barrel to knit it all back together again. She'll be able to get all the scratch and sniffology back in the right places.
*carefully snips shortish length of string for Spiny.*
There y'go a souvenir!
Whaddya mean green?

Damn! That's never happened before. I'll have to get Auntie Ole f'tang f'tang Biscuit-Barrel to knit it all back together again. She'll be able to get all the scratch and sniffology back in the right places.
*carefully snips shortish length of string for Spiny.*
There y'go a souvenir!
Whaddya mean green?

Green as in the Green Cliffs of Dover, ie. non-existant (well, if you truly are The Vestboy then how can you exist without your vest?)

To misquote (mispoem?) Spike Milligan:

String
Is a very useful thing
Rope is thicker
But String
Is quicker

Just going to put my favourite slice of Madeira cake to bed. 'night.

No no - can't you see?! He has green leathery skin with little bicycles all over him! He's obviously an alien! Let's get him to a military base before word reaches the general public!

Why not put him in a shopping basket and take him for a midnight bike ride? It saves on the bus fare.