h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Has anyone every tried laying out a whole wack of bubble wrap and getting intimate with your spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend/tree/rock? I'm thinking it would be a whole lot of fun! Any words of advice from any that have tried this? Would the wrap stick to you?

Honestly, you thrill-seekers! What's wrong with a nice cup of tea and a digestive biscuit?

Nothing wrong with tea and biscuits. Just a guy trying to broaden his horizons. heehee.

I think I would laugh too much to do anything constructive...

Okay Mis Mis - can't slag someone for having a sense of adventure. Knowing my luck, I'd just have spread the stuff out and be getting down to it when the mother-in-law would arrive unexpectedly. And it would be unexpected, since I don't have a mother-in-law. But that's why you should always have tea and biscuits handy. And Maisie - remember laughter is the best medicine. I laugh a lot and I never seem to get ill. At least that's what the nice man in the white coat who locks me in for the night says.

Hehe. You must be a qualified laughter therapist then, Spiny, Cos you make me giggle all the time...and I appreciate that i really do, but I'm getting strange looks from my coworkers...

Yea, this work lark fairly gets in the way of having fun, don't it? I'm thinking of getting myself one of those private income thingies, so's I can spend all day at home on h2g2. Aah - small snag - don't have a computer at home. *makes note to self: leave instructions to butler to go and pick one up. Tell him he can use the Bentley*

Coo whats a private income thingy? I could do with one of those too. And ask your Butler if he could get me a maple pecan danish pastry while he's at it, please.

Well I'll try, but I'm afraid old Flange's memory's not what it was. He's liable to come back with a tub of lard and a pound of ball bearings instead. Come to think of it, I'd better not send him for the computer either, or I'll just end up with yet another blasted sofa.

You could always try writing him a list and pinning it to his jacket for the shopkeeper to read...

Aha! D'you know, I'd never thought of that? What a simple and practical solution. It's good to have a woman around the old place. But what do you think I should do about Mrs Dumpling? I mean, she tries, she really does, but "exotic" to her is tinned pineapple on a gammon steak...

Ummm not sure I can help you with that one, speaking as a lassie who likes her food plain and simple...I take it you don't like pineapple on your gammon?

Well, no: I'm quite adventurous with my food. Most of my hedgehog pals are only used to dull stuff like slugs or the occasional saucer of milk some well-meaning person has left out, but I'm used to the finer things, like seared salmon on a bed of green lentils or chicken stuffed with leeks and walnuts. At least, I'd like to be, but poor old Mrs D doesn't get much beyond the basics, I'm afraid. She's been with the family for years, and shows no signs of wanting to retire. So it's a case of noblesse oblige, I'm afraid.

The worst cook I ever came across was a nun. She used to do the housekeeping for a priest in central London and was really dreadful. The priest warned me but I still stayed to eat thinking a free meal was better than nothing. How wrong you can be!
Her side dish of "vegetables" were _heated_up_ Hula-Hoops and Wotsits leftover from a youth club party the previous night.

Mmmmm. Tasty!

That tops even Mrs Dumpling. You'd have been better off with a bubble wrap sandwich. *attempts to keep thread on course, realises these things have a will of their own, gives up* Actually, as far as the domestics go, I can cope with Flange and Mrs Dumpling, it's Davey Marrow the gardener I have problems with. You should see what HE puts on his sandwiches.

Cooks and gardeners give different replies as to what you should put on Rhubarb too.

It wouldn't be *desperately* bubble wrap, would it?

As far as servant names go I liked the one that described the old butler who was known as the family's, wrinkled retainer - Scrotum.
Which of course keeps us on line for discussing Bubble Wrap - not!

He worked for Sir Henry at Rawlinson's End, if memory serves me right. It was a creation of Viv Stanshall of the Bonzo Dog Doodah Band, and episodes used to appear irregularly on John Peel's radio show.

No, this was a different one.