h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

This continues the thread The Back Parlou, in which we were trying to figure out the secret behind the Pint Pot.

And we have three gorats in the swweepstake. Enter your version of the story of "Wellies and the pint pot" drop a groat in the kitty and the nearest one takes all - except Wellies who has to be the judge and therefore doesn't get to take part in the sweep.

What about certain people who claim to already know the secret of the pint pot?

Their function will be that of a judge. Task: to determine who was closest to the truth.

Exactly - unless they are treacherous bounders who drop a groat in tell us the whole story and then pretend it was just a guess. I'd be happy to sacrifice my groat for that

Greetings one and all. Just back from the colony of Virginia and what a wild place that is, all manner of strange creatures inhabit the place wild bears roaming the mountains. I think that fellow Washington will need watching out for, the man's a damned revolutionary, mark my words he'll be trouble.

What's all this about pint pots? Are you trying to tell me that Wellies hasn't got one to P*** in? Do we need to have a whip round for him?

Gentlemen and m'Lady - I just dropped in to prepare another room for you all but I see you have done so already. Splendid, Splendid!
You are most truly welcome. I trust that you are all well?

Mr Pepys - how delightful!

Pepys, old chum! Doing quite dandy, thank you. We're in the middle of a sweepstake here. Care to join? Cost you a groat, what ever sort of thing THAT is...

oh this is where you lot are!

Well I would love to join the sweep but as Wellies has already confessed to me - I am not eligible to join!

You could pretend that he hasn't confessed to you, and tell us your "guess"...

Excellent try, Vibefellow! I hope she's gullable (gullible?) enough!

nice try but that one will not work with me

Somehow I didn't think it would!

Nor did I, but hope leaves you last...

Here's my groat *chucks shinny flat thing on table*

Well, can I guess now?

*slyly pockets groat and throws small washer in kitty* Go ahead.

I saw that EV!!!

Well, has it got something to do with being caught short, and the only vessel in which to relieve one's self was a handy pint pot???

Am I close???

Hello everyone, I suppose you may not have noticed me lurking under the table, for a hedgehog is a smallish thing. Now then, if one of you would be so kind as to lift me up on top of the table so that I can see what's going on? Don't worry about possible contamination, for after Mr Pepys unfortunate assault on me (for which I have quite forgiven the poor fellow, as it least it kept me warm for a few minutes), I have been most rigorous in my cleansing regime...*willing hands lift Spiny up* Sorry, everyone - forgot to mention the mud which most of you wiped off your boots onto me at the front door thinking I was one of those artificial things: a common mistake, for which I have quite forgiven you all, as it should keep the fleas at bay for a few days... Now then, here's a real Scots groat that used to belong to Sean Connery *chink...roll...clatter* Blast, it's rolled off the table! Now then, I say the pint pot was full of oysters, and poor Wellies scoffed the lot only to be immediately stricken by a great ague of the belly. Hmmm? Close or not?

*lifts Spiny Norman up onto table* There you go Spiny, or should I call you Norman? Know any vague jokes, by the way?