h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

About this long. *indicates a fair length*

yeah, you would say that..its more like
*indicates a fairer length*

Well, let's compromise. *indicates length somewhere between the two*

Two Cocktail Sausages you mean!! :-0

Yes, the length of two cocktail sausages - thank you Sid!

mmmm...cocktails...oops, sorry

These tankards are a bit on the small side - let me see if I can find something lager. I mean larger. Beer with... sorry, *bear* with me.

Grmmph *comes to with bloodshot eyes and spines all plastered down* That was some bucket I had last night! Oww my head.

What are you guys doing with all that string and these sausages - it looks like an episode of Eurotrash. I need a hair of the dog: is it too early? *holds up specially lowered nautical device* No, the sun's over the yardarm, so it must be okay. Ah, Menzarse, you stout fellow - you've brought two barrels of breakfast, I see. Which one shall I put on me cornflakes? *puts on reading glasses, examines barrels* I don't know about "Grunge's Old Wallop", maybe I'll try some of the "Skitter 4X" *produces bowl, turns on tap*

Morning... er, that is, afternoon Spiny, how's the ale?

Hello EV, it's always afternoon where I come from. I have a man who takes care of mornings for me. Although often, like today, they seem to take care of themselves. Well the stuff off the bottom of the barrel's a bit rough - I might need some sugar on the cornflakes after all. I assume you've tried the Old Wallop yourself? Incidentally, after the complete failure of the Open Hedgehog Bowling Championships, I intend to become a broken-down drunken bum, trailing shame and disgrace into every corner of every forum. Right, where's me spoon?

Very commendable, Spiny. I think I will try the Old Wallop after all.

Leave some for me then. Got any spare change, by the way?

You could always try to nick the groats?

Menzarse, shame on you! Nick the groats indeed. *walks away muttering to himself because he didn't think of it first*

*Thinks - Those sausages dangling out of the front of EV's Trews tend to give the wrong impression*
Look the ferrets are congregating under the settee where Duke is sitting. Ah, look they're building a nest in his face fungus.
Hmmm. I've heard of Mack the Knife whose this new bloke Nick the Groats?

*Wakes up with a start* Umm...Anyone got a comb? I seem to have spilled something in me facial hair, need to sort it out.

Here borrow mine. Really I go away for a while an all this is going on!! Oh and you can keep the comb!

Right ho. Thanks. Eeew, I don't recall eating those! *Looks at ferrets tumbling out of beard* Awell, maybe they'll go excellent with the burgundy.

Ah, there go the ferrets... little rascals. Is it safe to remove these sausages yet?

Depends on where the sausages are I suppose - could be structurally important!