h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Oh, I know Team Rocket. Let's see, without Pokemon, they would most likely be...making an honest living somewhere, and not having their plans blow up in their faces every episode. Except for Meowth, who would be nothing more than a talking cat.


*The plane starts, and begins taking off*

You seem to be equating those incompetent nitwits Jesse and James with the entirety of Team Rocket. I assure you, the rest of TR is much better at what it does.

Oh, yes, I recall what I've seen of the rest of h2g2. Giovanni really did a *great* job when he had that Mewtwo, didn't he? And let's not forget those two others that I've seen in the black jumpsuits who couldn't conquer that city, even when they enhanced the powers of one of the most powerful psychic Pokemon they could lay their hands on. And then, there was the time that a ridiculous amount of lower ranking TR members (aided with the traditional Jesse, James, and Meowth bunch) attempted to rob a ship that was under Giovanni's control, and let's not forget how well *that* little fiasco turned out. Yes, Team Rocket is truly a jewel in the collection of Organized Crime.

Once again, sorry, but I just can't resist pointless arguments that have no bearing on real life. They give me a kind of nourishment akin to the kind I get when people loose their temper about not knowing where I live, such as an enemy of mine from the Zork Library Message Board.


*The plane rockets into the air, and begins heading in the direction of CLI. Affy can't help but notice a SAM being launched at them from a small pond near the village*

I probably should have used tags when saying the rest of TR was better. Anyway, what's the rest of H2G2 got to do with it?


[Ketsar] }What's that??{

[Poxlu] {A SAM!}

[Ketsar] }What's a SAM?{

*GL would spit out his PAG and answer "Surface to Air Missile", but he is still on vacation and not back until January. Instead, he waits until the missile is about half way to the plane, then he opens a door in the side of the plane and fires a flare backwards out the doorway. The missile locks onto the heat from the flare and follows it away from the plane. When the flare goes out, the plane is too far away for the missile to find its heat signature and it falls back to the ground. There is a large explosion. GL hopes that the explosion took out some vital part of Red's complex.*

[The twins look relieved when the missile takes out some vital part of Red's complex.]

I can't help but wonder just exactly what Red might've been up to. We'll have to wait until Irv revives to find out. Probably something about the coffee beens that grow here. Maybe they make someone temporarily comatose, like poor old Irv here. In any event, . . .

*The plane continues to fly towards CLI. It exits the continent of South America and is now flying over an ocean, going in the direction of h2g2*

Wait. Isn't the World of H2G2 on a different planet from Earth?

No. Think of h2g2 as being in a similar location as Oz. Impossible to reach through normal means, so that it remains seperate from the rest of Earth.

[Ketsar] }Well, here we go.{

*After several hours of flight, the plane docks in the CLI Hangar. Affy and GL quickly drag Irving out of the plane, and take him to the Medical Bay. There is a quick diagnosis*

There's definitely something wrong here. We'll have to get some of the Chemical Analysis equipment. Man, we've not used that since the election...anyway, I've set him up, and he'll survive for a bit.

[Ketsar] }And after that?{

[Poxlu] {After that he'll probably be fine.}

[Ketsar] }What if something deadly happens to him?{

[Poxlu] {He dies, of course. That's what deadly means.}

*Affy checks some readouts*

Okay, I've got some good news, and I've got some bad news. The good news is, Irv isn't brain dead, and apart from a few superficial problems such as malnourishment, he's perfectly fine. The bad news is, he obviously isn't.

We'll keep him here for the time being. However, there isn't much that we can do for him. Recovery is up to Irving, now.

*Sits at a table and begins playing Solitaire*

[They wait]

If you two want, the CLI Computer can give you access to some of the best computer games in the cosmos. They aren't *the* best, of course, but hey, I'll play 'em anytime.

*GL comes in with wet hair and looking scrubbed.*

Well, that feels alot better. Nothing like a hot shower after a sweaty South American adventure, I always say.

How's Irv? Seems that Red has it in for him. I wouldn't be surprised if we have to rescue him again sometime.

Irv is, for someone who went through what he went through, pretty good. He's still a little malnourished, but he'll live through it. The main thing that worries me is this total lack of neural responses. He's not brain dead, far from it. I've got two hypothesises...hypothesize...what's the plural of hypothosis? OR even the correct spelling?

Anyway, theory one is that something is blocking neural passageways, resulting in a possible outward lack of responses to stimuli. My second theory is that his mind is working so quickly that his body can't respond. Or it's something totally different. In any event, we can't really help him get better. Do you think we should tell more people? Like Lil, or WM, or a few other people who might be concerned?

[Ketsar] }We might be able to help.{

Conceivably, yes. But I believe that only Irving will be able to really get himself out of this one. It's a standard recovery scenario, he'll have to pull himself out of it.

And my current guess is that he won't be able to do it until January 7th, at least.