h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

This question came out of another thread: http://www.h2g2.com/F58258?thread=90689&latest=1, Neugen Amoeba suggested it was worth a thread of its own, so here it is. What is it about a woman that makes her a lady? Come to that - what is a lady? Being the girlfriend of an ageing 70s DJ, or neing the wife of a lord, or the daugher of an earl? Having good manners and a kind heart? Or a twinset and pearls? Or even a husband who would never say "that ain't no lady, that's my wife"? When do you stop being a "young lady" - at 7, 17, or maybe 27? And when do you become an "old lady" - the day you marry, the day your son hits puberty? So roll up roll up ladies and gentlemen... help us find the lady!

Well, here´s my criterias for a lady.

She has to be beautiful, in a not bimbo-like way. Graceful and elegant. No clumsiness. Be feminine. Wear a lot of dresses, jeans aren´t ladylike. think that covers it. Oh, and she shouldn´t be stupid or foul-mouthed. I don´t know if being friendly and sweet are necessary.

easy question.

a lady moves in a certain way which is both elegant, unaffected and suggests she is comfortable in her own skin, or in albster, whichever you prefer...sorry, i digress.

it does not have to be the way a finishing school teaches movement and does not require a cut glass accent or the excruciating BBC english.

I think the easiest way to define a lady is to say that

'when you meet one, you'll know.'


and yes, ladies do wear jeans, i work in a clothes shop part time so i've seen them do it.

FABT

"A gentleman is a man who treats every woman as a lady unless she proves to be otherwise." I cannot remember who said this but I agree with it and would expect the converse to be true. This begs the question 'how do gentlemen treat ladies and vice versa?' The answer, in my opinion, is 'considerately'.

A lady just knows
Where everything goes
But would never admit that she knows it

A lady is one
Who likes to have fun
But would never admit that she does it

A lady will sup
Little finger raised up
And would never be seen with her fist clenched

A lady just knows
Her fingers and toes
One always has painted the same colour

A lady, I know,
Would never say ‘No’
But she might say “I prefer not to”

Damn, forgot this guideML thing!

A lady, I know,
would never say 'No'
but she might say "I prefer not to!"

A lady implies
She never tells lies
But she'll make you believe what she wants to

A lady is good
but I'm sure that she could
be as naughty as you if she wants to.

A lady is kind
Both in deed and in mind
And never her tongue is ascerbic
But if you should 'dare'
You’ll get such a glare
That would freeze the point off an ice-pick

A lady wears navy,
High collars and pearls,
And never is seen in stilletoes.

A lady is nice
and will in a trice
help others less wealthy than she is.


Will someone please stop me doing this!

A lady can't swear
but, instead, affects an air
of hurt that such crudeness is spoken

A lady will cry
But, of course, she will try
to keep her emotions hid from you.


(Has this chap no shame? Will he never stop?)

A lady will strive,
she will work to survive,
But in sweat she will never be taken.
For ladies, we know,
do nothing but glow!
Its men that do perspiration.

A lady is what you call Granny Weatherwax if you want your ears boxing!!!!!!!

A real lady NEVER lights her own farts.

Lol
Rofl

What Farts????

Thank you, Thank you. (takes a bow)

Actually that was a feedline. I want someone to come back with..."No, she waits for someone to offer!" So, please oblige but word it funnier than I can. Let's make it a double act people will talk about!

You've reminded me of that Victorian joke where a gentleman says
"How dare you fart before my wife!!"
To which the other gentleman replies
"I'm sorry, I didn't know it was her turn..!!"

Hehe, but would he have offered to light it as well?...

But on an actual serious, thoughtful note and to counteract that sort of feminism that actually defeminises females (what a load of fem)....

A man holds a door open for one of these 'feminists' and she says to him rather irately, "I f******g hope you're not f**king opening the f******g door for me because I am a f******g lady". He looks her up and down, taking in the dungarees, tattoos on the knuckles and a pipe, "No" says he, "it's because I am a gentleman!"

Haaa! There you go. Hope I haven't offended anyone (he said smirkingly!)

Speaking as a woman who tries to be a lady (and sometimes succeeds), being 'a lady' has nothing to do with appearance or clothes. 'A lady' doesn't have to be beautiful or elegant. Being a lady is in the way you behave. Being polite and courteous is part of it. Not swearing or yelling at somebody who's annoying you. Being helpful when you can, without being a door-mat. (A lady will be able to say no in such a way that it doesn't give offence.) Not being condescending to people who aren't as rich or well-educated as yourself (lot's of women who *think* they are ladies fail on this one!).

There's lots more I could write, but I think I'll leave it there.