h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

No!

Draws are underpants, but drawers are those things in bits of furniture in your bedroom where you put all the clothes that don't go in your wardrobe.

Ahhhh! Feeling better now. I just CAN'T let these things be.

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Sorry. Oh I am very sorry and this sort of thing makes me so angry that I can not sleep. Or Eat.

Drawers are indeed an item of bedroom equipment....but.....the item of clothing that you put your bottom and your front bottom in are also drawers. So there.

By the way, why is it that drawers, pants and trousers are refered to in the plural? After all there is only the one item.

You can have two trouser legs. So surely the apparel that hangs from your hips or waist must be a trouser. You have trouser pockets (multiple) or a trouser pocket (singular).

And why underpants? If we ignore the USA use of the word pants, my under pants are in fact undertrousers or more correctly an undertrouser.

And a handkerchief should be a pocketkerchief.

I'm never going to sleep now!

Handkerchief derives from 'hand' + 'kerchief', where a 'kerchief' is a piece of cloth often used to cover the head. (A neckerchief was a piece of cloth worn round the neck. The cloth was usually square, i.e., it wasn't a scarf, tie or cravat.) A handkerchief is defined in the OED as a piece of cloth carried in the pocket, although I reckon that such a thing is a 'pocket handkerchief' - to differentiate them from the ones you stuff up your sleeve or carry in a bag, I suppose.

'Pants' are an abbreviation of 'pantaloons' (that plural thing again), so 'underpants' are 'underpantaloons' and the Americans don't have to be involved at all.

Strictly speaking, 'trousers' are 'a pair of trousers'. It is perfectly acceptable to use the singular, but common usage always goes with the plural. The same goes for 'pantaloons', but not for 'drawers' or 'breeches' (although it should be 'a pair of breeches', but never is. The word is probably archaic when used for clothing, anyway.)

I hope this is clear and pedantic enough for those of you who like things that way. I've certainly had fun looking things up, so thank you for that!

No. I am sorry to report that the record is much greater than that. Due to that damn chain letter I now have 12,984 odd socks. Please stop.

So that being the case.

The things that I put on my hands in cold weather must be handkerchiefs?

Does a man with one leg wear a pantaloon or a trouser then?

LOL A pantaloon (singular) is a word for clown or fool.

Only if you put 'a piece of cloth' on your hands. Gloves and mittens are 'tailored' items, i.e., the cloth is cut to a shape and sewn together. Usually there is more than one piece of cloth. 'Kerchiefs' are simple, usually square, pieces of cloth. The only sewing is a hem to stop the edges fraying.

Clowns were called 'pantaloons' because they wore pantaloons. The use of the singular, both for pantaloons or trousers, implies the plural (sort of). Nobody talks about a 'trousers suit', but the lower garment is the same as if they were worn without the matching jacket.

According to the OED, 'trousers' derives from the Gaelic 'trews'. I suppose that, if you went far enough back, you would reach a time where the legs were separate rather than joined in the middle. I suppose that each leg might be a 'pantaloon' or a trouser. Other than that, I have no idea.

Here in Denmark trousers are called "et par bukser", that means "a pair of trousers". We are told that the reason it´s on plural is because once you had a trouser on each leg, a kind of tube made of cloth, and then used a string to tie them together. So you were in fact wearing a pair of trousers.

My father always called trousers "trews". I always thought it was an affected term, which I would lump in with "Slacks" which I think also sounds very naff. In German and French they are singular - die Hose, le pantalon, in Italian plural. I calzoni.. In German, scissors are also singular. Hose in German is only used for trousers and tights, they have another word for the thing you water the garden with.

Now this conversation is sounding like the British English conversation.

I just scrolled back a bit to re-orientate myself and came across the delicious expression "front bottom".

That is the epitome of Br. understatement or I'll be blowed.