h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

So this came up in a gay-advice forum I regular post to.

Some people it seems have never flirted and feel really unsure of themselves. So....

What is flirting? How do you do it? More importantly, how do you flirt effectively?

So heads together team, if there's something this community can provide is some sage advise on the best ways (and what to avoid) to pick up guys (or girls, if that's your thing....) and catch their interest.

What we have here is a potential treasure-trove to be mined for the golden nuggets of fantastic flirting! I'm talking anecdotes, I'm talking dating disasters: I want the unvarnished truth! So don't give me best lines - but the method and manner that flirtatious behaviour takes and how, for the uninitiated or the sorely out of practice, or just looking to improve what's the best way to get back into getting their mojo back - and blazing a trail through the crowds of awed onlookers?

Comments and wisdom invited below....

Call me old-fashioned, but can't you approach the young gentleman's father and ask his permission to court your intended?

Okay you are old-fashion. yer happy now?

I have found a steak and a quick bit of Rachmaninov and/or Dire Straits on the piano is a sure thing.

B

Add a shot of vodka to an alco-pop and you're in like Flynn.

Or so I've been told.

>> Call me old-fashioned...<<
Oh, thank you Icy!
I needed that.


~jwf~

Is this exclusively gay flirting we're talking about?

'cos I've never knowingly flirted with a bloke.

Then again, it's fairly rare I've knowingly flirted with a woman. Most of the flirting I've done, I've only actually realised I've done it with hindsight. At the time, it just seemed like a conversation that was for some reason going really, really well.

"how do you flirt effectively? "

Prepare for disappointment and disillusionment. Here is the truth of it.

The societally accepted and perpetuated fiction is that every person is a unique snowflake, that personality and charisma are innate and important, that spontaneity and originality are vital, that material and spiritual generosity, sensitivity and respect matter.

And all of that is bullshit. Respect will get you nowhere. Sensitivity will get you written off as gay, or weak, or otherwise to be ignored. Material and spiritual generosity will get you exploited. Personality and charisma are something that anyone can be taught to fake.

And everyone is the same. We are, all of us, without exception, depressingly simple, predictable, mechanistic monkeys, pretending to ourselves and others that we're something more. And every single one of us that isn't actually mentally ill will salivate at the sound of the bell.

So... flirting effectively is, on one level, easy. All you need to do is learn to make the sound of the bell, and as soon as you can, all you need then is a mop for the spittle.

There are only two difficult parts:
1. Really believing it's as easy as it is - that the sound of the bell is something you can make, and that it's not more complicated than that
2. Having any respect for anyone once you realise how dully predictable and similar we all are.

I was going to say make sure the person knows you're flirting.
It seems it can be a bit of a shock if they don't actually realise you are.
Is that good or bad, though, I'm not quite sure...
("How can I tell if someone is being flirtatious?" thread: F19585?thread=8286316 )

Don't hold back Hoo, tell us all what you really think!

Why do you say those things Mr603?!

I can tell if a man isn't flirting, if the second sentence he says to me include the words 'my wife..'

Other than that, it's all a mystery.

Just smile - be genuine.

Lanzababy: What if the very next words are "... has always fantasised about a threesome..."?

Smiling is definitely not mandatory. Being genuine is the worst piece of advice I've ever heard.

>.../ flirting? How do you do it? More importantly, how do you flirt effectively?

Have fun, but keep sight of your romantic objective.

I take it as a bit like a little invitation to dance if you find someone attractive...and that can be just the fun of the one dance...not neccessarily looking for more.

They might not want to dance...or like your style...no harm done...but when they do..it's a lot of fun. Eye expression humour and conversation are quite important.

And you can't fake pleasure in being someone's company...makes a rubbish dance.

I think flirting is excellent fun...lightness of touch is important.

And yeah I also only usually realise I've done it in retrospect.

"you can't fake pleasure in being someone's company"



Definite candidate for quote of the day. Priceless.

Depends who you tend to find attractive Hoo. I wouldn't be interested in some dullard that couldn't tell fake emotion...when it's to do with something connected with sexual/Romantic attractiveness.

It's true I can think of some that are easily hoodwinked, In fact I have done for reasons other than flirting. But it's not something I enjoy...and is never in the domain of being a good dance partner.

"I wouldn't be interested in some dullard that couldn't tell fake emotion"

Then you're not interested in humans. Because that "some dullard" is you, and everyone you know.

Sorry, but my entire point is that we are, everyone of us, depressingly easy to fool. And thanks to the Dunning-Kruger effect, there are even quite a lot of us who think we're too "sensitive" or some other such nonsense to fall for those things - and in my experience, those people are the *easiest* to dupe. Much as the easiest person to sell to is a saleman.

Hoo, I am dreadfully easy to fool. Point taken. Which is why I can never tell when people are serious or not.

Are we talking about pointless flirting - such as you might do with the Head Waiter for instance - or the sort of flirting that gets you a date? I thought the OP was asking serious advice as to the latter. If it's just mindless banter, then it makes no odds as to whether you're being genuine or not, that to me is just passing time when you're bored. I might flirt with a shop keeper if they flirted with me for instance, knowing we'd never set eyes on each other ever again. Who cares then if it isn't genuine.

If though, you are seriously looking for someone to date - then you'd better be truthful otherwise it will all end in disaster when the other person discovers you're a lying B**

But why are you on this tack? Maybe you are right. Maybe you're not.

Why on earth would one want to fool a person you feel such good warm feelings towards?

And you bring in comparisons with salesmen.

The whole business is so fiendishly complex...with a myriad of unconscious body language..ideas popping into your mind in the company of such a person...that wouldn't with another...

Anyway I'm off the hammering now. Someone else can take over with you.