h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Thanx for all the quotes! By the way the dying words quote I used, "This wallpaper is killing me, one of us has to go" was said by Oscar Wilde, just FYI.

"I don't make the rules, I just apply them in a hopeless and defeated way." -Scott Adams

>Zax<

From George W. Bush (he's running for president of the United States):

"Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?"

"I know it's hard to put food on your family."

"I understand small business growth - I was one."

"I'm glad I ignored all the begrudgers who said I could 'go straight to hell'. Look at what I might have missed had I not taken the scenic route"

- I intend these to be my dying words if (a) they haven't already been used by someone more famous and (b) I see my end coming.

When I saw you for the first time (first time)
My knees began to quiver (quiver)
And I got a funny feeling (feeling)
In my kidneys and my liver (liver)

Arnold, Arnold, Arnold Rimmer, with out him life would be much grimmer.

Sorry those were not really quotes but heres one,

"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most"

I think it is Ozzy Ozborne, But if any body has any better, proper clue I'd me much abliged.
Cheeze

"It's Deja Vu all over again."

"It's so crowded, nobody goes there anymore."

"You've got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there."

"Baseball is ninty percent mental. The other half is physical."

"You give 100% in the frist halp of the game, and if that isn't enough, in the second half you give what's left."

"We have deep Depth."

"It gets late early out there."

I reach high speeds. I especially love driving down a hill directly at a tree and sweerving to one side at the last moment. That's my way to relax - Boris Yeltsin

I am Irish and the Irish think sideways - Spike Milligan

As I have just entered the chamber, I do not know very much about what has occurred and therefore, I suppose, I am best fitted to deal with the situation - Billy Hughes

3

JOTD: Why can't you be a non-conformist like everybody else?

"My cats breath smells like cat food."

"The doctor said I wouldn't have so many nose bleeds if i just kept my finger out of there."

"It tastes like BURNING."

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"A rainbow isn't an illusion. It just looks like one."

I overheard this on a bus a few years ago: "...if my mother were alive she'd turn in her grave"

"It's hard to leave when you can't find the door." - Joe Walsh

Well, her are some quotes that, I am embarrassed to say, found on the internet.

"If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
-Brooke Shields
As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error. - Weisert

"The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
-Joe Theisman, quarterback and sports analyst

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
-Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC instructor

"Not only is he ambidextrous, but he can throw with either hand."
-Duffy Daugherty , football coach and sports analyst

"Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl."
-Bill Peterson, football coach

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
-Keppel Enderbery

"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." - Senior
basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh

"You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle." -
Bill Peterson

I´ve also got some cool politicians quotes if you want them.

Oh, and I must not forget this brilliant piece of logic. Shows how you can have both beauty _and_ brains.

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss Universe contest

Zorpheus - that Yogi Berra quote should have read "Half this game is ninety percent mental". At least, that's what I remember from the book "776 more of the stupidest quotes"

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
-- W. C. Fields

(That was what fortune gave me when I logged in this morning)

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JOTD: Unemployed teachers have no class and no principals.

I don't know who said it but I saw it etched into a plaque on a Harley Davidson a while back...

"God didn't create all men equal, Smith & Wesson did."

And it was followed by "Keep your hands off my bike!"

Just some stuff from Red Dwarf:
I wish I was someone else, so I could kiss me!-The Cat Red Dwarf.

Theres an old cat saying: If you eat fish expect bones.(The Cat) Theres an old human saying: If you speak rubbish expect pain (Rimmer)

Stoke me a klipper, I'll be back for Christmas. -Rimmer.

Isn´t it Smoke me a kipper, I´ll be back for breakfast?

Yes ACE Rimmer says "smoke me a kipper i'll be back for breakfast" But when Rimmer becomes ACE he gets it wrong and says clipper and Christmas. Its from the episode 'Stoke me a clipper' in season seven.

One of my favourite quotes is from a book by Primo Levi. He tells of an old Jewish Italian curse which translates as:-

"May you have an accident in the shape of an umbrella!"


Also, a question from Donna Air to Irish brother and sister act, the Corrs:-

"So, how did you all meet?"

"we have to distrust each other"
"I'ts our only defence against betrayal"

SAD maybe not true?

Tennessee Williams