h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

HMP Wormwood Scrubs (initally scheduled for 3 years, extended to 4), voted prisoner of the week (twice) by inmates

Note that you achieved a Cycling Proficency Test at the age of 10

Admit to eating really smelly cheeses, and infer you think it's nothing to be ashamed of. At all.

Boast that more than likely your lit farts would scorch higher up on the woodwork than theirs.



Its the little details that count.

These ones are cracking me up!

Among my many achievements I,

Ran a successful mass-emailing enterprise out of Nigeria.

Developed mathematical risk pricing models for AIG Insurance and Lehman Brothers in 2006 / 2007.

Active participant in important social information campaigns with the Westboro Baptist Church (Kansas). 2006 - to date. See references.

Had primary responsibility for medical treatment of Michael Jackson (2008 - 2009).

Chief economic advisor to the Zimbabwe Government (2003-05)

One of my colleagues ended up applying for a job he didn't want but was the only applicant for - (admin managementy type additional duties) and apparently put hobbies and interests as 'Dot to Dot puzzles and tellitubbies'

God the job.

I am still bemused why anyone would want to use proprofol unless giving a general anaesthetic and in an operating theatre or ITU.. but I digress. It's like using a 747 to crack a peanut.

Had someone in the office who actually did this.


I specialise in cooking fish curries and reheating them in the office microwave each day. Consequently voted sociable office-mate of the year and curry-king 2001.

How about this?

http://www.boingboing.net/2009/02/17/dopesmugglers-jobwan.html

(I'm busy writing CVs, too. Lots of handy tips here! Of course, in my case it helps if they know about my hobbies, even the ones involving playing computer games and bashing people with swords. )

One of our secretaries got the job by putting: 'I have no gag reflex' on her CV.


Her boss is really ugly...he make us gag everytime we see him...phew...stopped the yikes there...

'I can fart the La Marseillaise'

CV of Joseph Pujo, 1887.

Surely "the La Marseillaise" has an article too many? I wouldn't be hiring anyone that ignorant of basic grammar

Je péte dans votre direction générale.

'Je péte dans votre direction générale.'

Translated 'I f@rt in your general direction.'

Hopefully that will stop it being hidden...

i have one 'O' level in Biology and one 'O' level in Metalwork

so if you want your budgie welding, I'm your man

I am the proud owner of the woodwork prize at school, but don't think that was what the recent PhD fellowship had in mind when they asked for 'prizes and distictions'.

I mean not 15 years later for a PhD application. Ok it's the only prize I've ever won.

If I was a surgeon I'd put it down as a joke.

Ooooh" I won first prize for a woolly hat when I was nine. Must go add that to my application

Joey from Friends

"I can drink a gallon of milk in ten seconds"

Does anyone still print their CV's on flourescent paper, just to be 'Eye-catching, dazzling and different' ? There was a fad for it about 10 years ago

And this worked? Even then?

No - I tend to e mail them to people instead. I could of course use a garish windows 'background' like the one with water droplets..