h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You seem to have the right idea. If you're not interested, just tell him to take a long walk on a short dock.

Er, say that then. In fairness, you owe him nothing. He has tried to get around you in the forst place by trying to chat you up using the 'my wife's cheated on me' line. does that make him attractive? No! WAs he actually honest about his intentions? No.

Try not to swear, but saying to him 'I dont really understand why you're contacting me, we're not close. I feel for your situation, I really do, but it's not my business. Good luck and I hope everything turns out for the best' is reasonable. If he doesn't take that for an answer, swear all you like. If he doesn't take *that* for an answer, start keeping messages and recording things like when he contacts you, ask the people in work who might get his messages to write the messages down with the date and time... Just in case you need to pass the info on to anyone, like his wife, your friends, his friends or perhaps in a worst case scenario, authorities. He might just be harmlessly stupid, but he sounds a little obsessive. How many ex-school friends are really needed to help you decide whether or not you love and trust the person you married enough to stay with them?

The biggest complication at work is that one of the managers knows him too and thinks I should go somewhere and talk to him.

To be honest, the bit about phoning his senior class bothered me. My senior class was 210 people. Out of those, I would have valued the opinion of maybe 10, but not on personal stuff now as I've not kept in touch with any of them.

The handful of school friends that I do see and visit with are older or younger. One of them is that other manager. Another lives about ten minutes from me. Two others surface once in a while, we visit and then they disappear back into their busy lives.

Your manager is putting the complications of talking to him onto you as he is not interested either! Contacting someone at work for a domestic issue is not acceptable and this needs to be dealt with head on as a no-no!

As I said earlier, he is hurting and is now contacting people who were in a safe period of his life when things semed so happy and upbeat i.e. his senior class. 25 years have passed and very few people still have contact with the friends they made in school. The fact that he has shows how desperate he is for a stable foundation. If he says they are all concerned then let them be his shoulder, not you. They have probably palmed him off with family commitments and work issues so he has found out that you are single and thinks you may be a crutch. Has he made no closer friends in the las 25 years??

You need to cut off all contact - now! Some people are leeches, they need burning off with a bit of salt!

I was thinking about this while throwing another log on the bonfire out back which is to get rid of some dead limbs the storms knocked down and to get some wood ash for the garden.

If he shows up with 'I called my senior class and they agree we should talk' would any of you would mind if I tell him the almost complete strangers on a website said we should not?

I don't want to have any contact with him. The other manager went to school with him too. He said if he tried to contact someone he would appreciate a reply or phone call. I understand and respect his empathy there. But, he hasn't done stuff to make anyone that uncomfortable. So, I really doubt people would avoid him if he did call. I feel that calling or responding in any way other than go away would be like saying it's ok to show up whenever, wherever, with whatever pile of .... any time you want, never mind that I moved on a long time ago.

I had a problem with a stalker once, briefly, and the police advised me not to reply to him even to tell him to go away, because it would just encourage him to get attention.

Definitely do not get involved with this person and his complications. You owe him zilch.
Don't get into converation with him and maintain your distance - both emotionally and physically.
Eventually, he'll get the message.
I'd also politely ignore the friends who are encouraging you to try and sort out this man's problems.

That's my worth.

and hope it works out for you.

>>'I called my senior class and they agree we should talk' would any of you would mind if I tell him the almost complete strangers on a website said we should not?<<

It's easy for them to say this to you, as it will make it your problem, not thers. For them, it's the perfect way to get rid of him without looking bad.

If they tell you to talk to him, tell them they can do the talking if they're so worried.

Thank you all for the advice and responses.

I'll try the no reaction approach. If that does not work, next is go away. After that, it may well be the police department.

One of those friends got a good rant off me, yesterday. I'm far more worried about something else at the moment than I am about some fool from the past. Which led to me almost yelling into the phone that I don't care about how he screwed up his life, this relative is looking at a sudden health problem that may kill him in the next year or not. At the very least, it may end his military career or lead to early retirement. That's the censored version.

I told my ex that complete strangers on the net told me he was an ass and I should have nothing to do with him. Well, not entirely true, one of the people wasn't a complete stranger I had been talking to him for a month, but yeah, I think it's as good as reason as any, strangers can be more objective I guess...

I'd just ignore him, he should get the message when you don't answer texts/ emails and say you don't have time to talk when/if he calls.

It does help that all of you can see the whole situation and not just he's upset about his wife and should be handled with kid gloves.

Personally, I wonder why she cheated. Was it a great temptation? Or, was she really unhappy? He just said she should have followed the Bible. That set my teeth on edge.

I'm torn here between absolute incredulity, and the reaction others have had. I reckon it's a good thing that all my classmates are so far-flung across the American continent that they can't come back to haunt me this way.

Maybe this individual spends enough time on "My Space" or "Facebook" that he thinks people he doesn't really know actually care about him.

Then again, he's been living in married land all this time, and the only single reference points he has left are those he went to school with. Suppose that's the only place of reference he has for being single again?

>>Then again, he's been living in married land all this time, and the only single reference points he has left are those he went to school with. Suppose that's the only place of reference he has for being single again?<<

He must be weird in that case, because I've been living in 'married land' for decades, and it would never occur to me to seek out school mates form the dim distant past. I have friends now, and they are the ones I would turn to.

I assumed "wierd" was implied.

No aspersions on married land, either. But I'm guessing it probably wasn't a very healthy relationship if she felt the need to step out on him...

You're probably right about single reference points and being in married land.

This warrants a trip to running away from the excess baggage of other people land.

There are two phrases that come to mind: Look into my eyes, does it look like I give a ? And, here's some change call someone who cares.

Not to mention he's probably at the age when men like to enjoy their mid-life crises, and blame all their failures on others.

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Personally, if he was half as annoying to his wife as he was in your description of his recent behaviour, then I would have run off years ago! Or had hopefully the sense not to marry him in the first place!

I have told some of my co workers not to hand out my mobile number to ANYONE, and not to page me to the front unless they know who it is that is asking for me.

Strangely Strange, I hope you are still around. I do value your opinion as much as the others. I do see what you are getting at. I agree that a doctor or therapist would be the best option instead of grasping at straws.

If this were one of the other guys from way back then, who showed up and said they just wanted to vent/rant etc. It wouldn't creep me out because for the most part, they treated me respectfully then and the times I've run into them since with the exception of one I just haven't seen at all since 1980 something.