h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

What's the worst chat-up line you have ever used or been given? What was that dreadful corny one about 'heaven' and 'angel'?

Usually some version of "Heaven must be missing an angel." To which the only appropriate response is "Your village must be missing their idiot."

Or how about "Did you hurt yourself, you've been running through my mind all day?"

This is awful, yet it still scored me a kiss. Then again, it was rag week...

I think some women take pity on guys who use really bad chat up lines .

I can't say as anyone has ever used a chat up line on me... most blokes are too busy staring at my s to say anything .

If I wanted to get rid of blokes who were staring, my two favourite lines for making them embarrassed were "Have you lost something down there?" and "What's up, have you never seen a pair of these before?"

"Have you got any Irish in you? Would you like some?"

"Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I?"

"How do you like your eggs in the morning?" (actually that one worked on me, but only cos Reddyfreddy is an exceedingly good cook )

You don't sweat much for a fat bird do you?

I'm currently undecided on the success of "Do you want your computer fixing?"

'I'll buy you another drink then you can take me home with you....'

Reply for the egg question is 'unfertilized' when you don't fancy the bloke.

Here's one: I'd like to rearrange the alphabet and put 'u' and 'i' together.

"Want to see my spaceship?"

Get your coat - you've scored.

If I said you had a beautiful body would you suck my c**k? (I wouldn't believe this worked if I hadn't seen it. Classy bird, eh?)

H.

"If I said you had a beautiful body would you suck my c**k? (I wouldn't believe this worked if I hadn't seen it. Classy bird, eh?)"

*Jaw hits floor.*




That works?! OK, I'm suddenly not so shy around girls any more...

*thinks* actually that kinda thing would probably work if it wer sometone chatting me up.... but then again.... I am a born again male tart

>>If I said you had a beautiful body would you suck my c**k?

> That works?!

Whoah, hang on. I said it *worked* - ONCE, and not for me, and like I said, with a woman who for whom the single word "Shag?" would probably have worked.

Then again, a friend of mine pointed out that it's probably the case that if you have NO concern for who you end up with, and NO shame, then you could probably walk into any decent sized nightclub and simply walk round the place at midnight and say to every single woman in turn "Shag?". The vast majority would say no, some might slap you, but - and here's the thing - it's pretty certain that at least one would be either impressed enough with your cheek, drunk enough, or simply enough of a slapper to simply go "Yeah, OK.", and mean it, and then you're away.

I must say I've never had the cojones (or desperation) to actually TRY this tactic, but based on my experience of clubs I have to say that unless you're Quasimodo I can't believe it would fail.

H.

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So a girl has to be either persuaded/impressed?
Or pissed?
Or a slapper?

Can she not just want a sh@g like you (or whoever the guy is)?

Funny how some girls can get the idea that sex cannot and should not be enjoyed by ladies?

Alex

Well, the "impressed" one covered, I thought, the concept that she might actually want a sh@g and that you're the one she wants to do it with. In my (strictly limited experience) there are three reasons a chat up line might work:

1. She's drunk, ANY line would work, from pretty much anyone.
2. She's not necessarily drunk, but for, ahem, other reasons, ANY line would work, again from anyone.
3. She's not drunk, she's choosy, she fancies you, and your success is DESPITE the chat up line, rather than because of it.

Any disagreements with that?

H.

I really can't imagine 2), no woman can be THAT desperate, surely ?

You seem very sure of that! Why do you make that assumption?

Lucky Star, who are you referring to ?

"I really can't imagine 2), no woman can be THAT desperate, surely ?"

I don't think it's desperation. Peer pressure, low self-esteem, recklessness, all of the above could do it. Not everyone regards sex as something special, after all. To some, the question is not "Why?", but "Why not?". I make no value judgements on that choice.

H.