h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I just had to share..what a boon for someone who is waiting at platform five for a muse to turn up wearing a pink carnation and carrying a rolled up copy of pig breeders's weekly.

http://prillalar.com/drabbles/

And for 10 points, where does the name "Halrloprillalar" come from?

My first attempt at a drabble:


Non-sencical Love

Timmy finished packing. Ever since Jimmy, his own true love, had been lost at sea, Timmy had been entropic.

There was nothing left for him anymore, nothing fried him, all was weird. So today, Valentine's Day, he was going over there to become a cringe-worthy queen.

Just then, there was an overly knock at the door. Timmy opened it and stood there slowly for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising his lung.

When Timmy came to, Jimmy was holding his left nostril and looking yellow. "My love," Jimmy said frankly, "I'm sorry for the historic shock. I've been shipwrecked on an elehpant-like island for the last ten years, living there are always and only the bad. I was only rescued last week." He paused. "I lost my small toe in the wreck. Can you still love me?"

Timmy could hardly believe his Jimmy had returned. "I will always love you, small toe or no small toe. Besides, you can cover it up with a hair."

They embraced dreamily and vowed to never be parted again.

And all was useful.

"My pseudonym is from Larry Niven's Ringworld. Halrloprillalar was a female alien. A prostitute, actually. (I'm not one.) Call me Hal. It's easier"

Do I get my 10 points?

The Drabble bit is fantastic, I laughed out loud......



G

Well done, you get the points. But the original Halrloprillalar was known as 'Prill'.

The Forthright Terror Of The Snow

It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Tammy and Helen went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and Tammy hit Helen in her elbow with a big turgid iceball. It hurt a lot, but Tammy kissed it lustily and then it was all better.

Then they decided to make a snow man.

"We'll make a really wan snow man!" Tammy said.

"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Helen said. "That would be more russet and politically correct."

"I know," Tammy said. "We can make a snow badger. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."

So they rolled the snow up ruggedly and made a heavy snow badger. Tammy put on a trombone for the knee. The badger was almost as big as Helen.

"It looks hallucinogenic," Tammy said forcefully. "But it seems like it's missing something."

"Here," Helen said and held up a gibbous birdbath. "I found this in the teeth." She put the birdbath onto the badger's head.

It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the badger, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl like trees listening in a summer forest.

Helen screamed happily and ran but the snow badger chased her until she tripped over a tree root. Then the snow badger pumped her eerily.

"Nobody does that to my little Wee Pageboy," Tammy screamed. She grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow badger through the mouth. It fell down and Tammy kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.

"You saved me!" Helen said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.

The birdbath lay in the yard until an oleaginous child picked it up and took it home.

All enjoying it then?

Good, good.
I found my spiritual home on this site. I have been writing this sort of stuff for years!

This site is great if you are depressed or stuck for words though!

Here's another I just discovered. It's a strange journey through, well, someone else's strange.


http://www.superbad.com/

Ali

This thing is a hoot!

To Rapidly Wriggle

Buzz and CindyLou were celebrating a malefic Valentine's Day together. Buzz had cooked a romantic dinner and they ate in a hard place by candlelight.

"My darling," CindyLou said, stroking Buzz's tongue, "I have something for you." She gave a box to Buzz. "It is but a luke-warm token of my idiotic love."

Buzz opened the box. Inside was a sparkling tea pot! He gazed at it audaciously. Then he gazed at CindyLou audaciously. "It's fragrant," Buzz said. "Come here and let me wriggle you."

Just then, a vibrant crone sprang out of hiding and cackled like the ripening stench of three-day-dead fish swelling on the shore. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in a brilliant voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.

CindyLou read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my brother."

They stared at each other frantically as the crone cackled some more. Buzz's whisker began to tremble. Then CindyLou shrugged, pulled out a snorkel, and hit the crone on her groin. She fell over dead.

"Problem solved!" Buzz said and kissed CindyLou lugubriously. "This is a deceitful Valentine's Day!"

They endearingly burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.

And then they wriggled each other all night long.

It doesn't make much sense though. This one I made from random word generators I found on the internet:



"The Adventure Of The Seal

Léonce and Bud were out for a gothic Valentine's walk across the valley. As they went, Bud rested his hand on Léonce's eye ball. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so so-called, Léonce was filled with artificial dread.

"Do you suppose it's metropolitan here?" she asked along.

"You excited silly," Bud said, tickling Léonce with his tobacco. "It's completely opposite."

Just then, a generous seal leapt out from behind a keyboard and dropped Bud in the ear. "Aaargh!" Bud screamed.

Things looked mad. But Léonce, although she was regulatory, knew she had to save her love. She grabbed a fan and, like white elephants, beat the seal angrily until it ran off. "That will teach you to drop innocent people."

Then she clasped Bud close. Bud was bleeding politically. "My darling," Léonce said, and pressed her lips to Bud's leg.

"I love you," Bud said invariably, and expired in Léonce's arms.

Léonce never loved again."






How can you drop someone in the ear?

Ah, Shakespeare-ian. This one got a little... interesting...

Julie and Sam
by William Shakespeare

Enter Julie

Sam appears above at a window

Julie:
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the bumblebee, and Sam is the small but deadly South American tree frog.
Arise, greenish small but deadly South American tree frog, and stroke the random stapler.
See, how he leans his spleen upon his uvula!
O, that I were a glove upon that uvula,
That I might touch that spleen!

Sam:
O Julie, Julie! wherefore art thou Julie?
What's in a name? That which we call a duodenum
By any other name would smell as cold
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say "like the sky, except not so big and empty-like"
And I will take thy word; yet if thou swear'st,
Thou mayst prove boring.

Julie:
Swain, by yonder random stapler I swear
That tips inside a water droplet the spikey pillow--

Sam:
O, swear not by the stapler, the miniscule stapler,
That scarily changes in its orange orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise orange.
Sweet, lovely night! A thousand times lovely night!
Parting is such silky sorrow,
That I shall say lovely night till it be morrow.

Exit above

Julie:
Sleep dwell upon thy spleen, peace in thine uvula!
Would I were sleep and peace, so quickly to rest!
seemlessly will I to my greenish duodenum's cell,
Its help to stroke, and my cold duodenum to tell.

This is awesome! An "undulating badger" hanging on a Christmas tree! classic!

It was Christmas Eve. Tony sat droopingly in a room full of hoovers, sipping rotund eggnog.

He looked at the undulating badger hanging on the Christmas Tree and sighed. Last year, George had hung it there, just before they looked at each other moistly and then fell into each other's arms and munted each other's left nostril.

If only I hadn't been so unholy, Tony thought, pouring a skaaptuous amount of rum into his eggnog. Then George might not have got so sanguine and left me all alone at Christmas time. He wiped away a Freudian tear and held his big toe in his hand.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and then a russet voice lifted flurbulously up in song.



I'm dreaming of a daft Christmas

Just like a disgraced Tory MP limping pubwards through a muddy field with a rock in his shoe



Tony ran to the door. It was George, looking floopy all over with snow.

"I missed you stupidly," George said. "And I wanted to munt your left nostril again."

Tony hugged George and started to sob.

"I think you're drunk," George said.

"I think so too," Tony said and they munted each other's left nostril until they knocked the Christmas tree over.

On Christmas Day, they ate roasted toad eyeball and lived briskly until Tony got drunk again.

That's alarmingly similar to mine...

The Miracle Of The Badger

Dave hated Christmas. He didn't just dislike Christmas, he hated it like the last turkey in the shop. He loathed it.

Every December, Dave would feel himself getting all unnecessary inside. He refused to put up a Christmas thing, he snapped at anyone Welsh enough to sing a carol in his vicinity, and he never, ever bought anybody any presents.

On December 13, Dave had to go to the mall to buy an extreme potato. When he got there, there were so many shoppers pushing unwisely around and so much Christmas music blaring painfully, he thought his spleen would explode.

Finally, he was done. Just outside the door was a glowing woman collecting for charity. Dave never gave to charity, so he started to walk past without a word.

Suddenly, the glowing woman dropped his bells and ran underwater. There was a slight badger right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the glowing woman slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!

Dave rushed out and slowly pushed them both out of the way. There was a faint bang and then everything went dark.

When Dave woke up, he was in a Belgian room. There was a Christmas thing in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Dave's finger hurt. A lot.

The glowing woman came into the room. "I'm so moist!" she said. "You're awake. My name is Partaria. You saved me from the truck. But your finger is broken."

Dave hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas thing up and his finger was broken, he felt quite unlikely, especially when he looked at Partaria.

"Your finger must hurt stupidly," Partaria said. "I think this will help." And she exploded Dave several times.

Now Dave felt very unlikely indeed. He didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, he loved it. And he loved Partaria. "I love you," he said, and kissed Partaria thoughtfully.

"I love you too," said Partaria. Just then, the badger ran into the room and nuzzled Dave's ear. "I brought him home with us," Partaria said.

"We'll call him Miracle," Dave said. "Our Christmas Miracle."

It was the best Christmas ever.

A couple good lines in this one, I must say:

Sqooshy Lang Syne

Timmy sipped snappily at his drink and stood sqooshy behind a dumpster. He wasn't sure why he had come to this New Year's Eve party in the first place. He was no good at parties anyhow. They always made him feel dusty and he ended up like he was now, hiding and hoping nobody noticed how liquid his pancreas got when he was nervous.

Well, truth be told, Timmy knew very well why he was at the party: to see Mrs. Sasquatch.

Ah, Mrs. Sasquatch. Just the thought of her, the chance of a glimpse of her fuzzy left temporal lobe made Timmy's heart beat like the mushroom's sweat - slightly more curddled than normal.

But tonight everyone was masked. Timmy peered achingly through the crowd, trying to guess which guest was Mrs. Sasquatch. There, he thought, the woman over by the aquaduct, the humdinger of a one with the blue footed booby mask. It had to be Mrs. Sasquatch. No one else could look so overgrown, even in a blue footed booby mask.

She began to walk Timmy's way and Timmy started to panic. What if she actually talked to Timmy?

Mrs. Sasquatch came right up to Timmy and Timmy thought that he was going to faint.

"Hello," Mrs. Sasquatch said interestingly. "What are you doing over here all alone?"

"Oh, just looking at the spinal chord," Timmy said and immediately wanted to die because that sounded so gangly.

Just then, a blunt voice began to count down. "Ten ... nine ... eight ... seven ..."

Timmy's heart leapt. If they were together at midnight, that meant that Mrs. Sasquatch might ...

"Happy New Year!"

Mrs. Sasquatch swept Timmy into her arms, bent him in between a fishing hat and a warmongering toad, and kissed Timmy squishily, slipping him the tongue and groping his pituitary gland.

Timmy could hardly believe it. How wonderful! And now that it was after midnight, it was time to take their masks off. He reached out bombastically and pulled Mrs. Sasquatch's mask off her face. It was Mrs. Sasquatch! "I knew it was you," Timmy said and took his own mask off.

"And it's ... you," Mrs. Sasquatch said. "You know, I'm just going to go get some punch."

Timmy watched her go. She would be right back, Timmy was sure. Just as soon as she had her punch.

And then they would fall in love.

Highly recommended for when one is feeling a tad fed up, this site is a pure tonic!

spidey

A Flat Day To Smack

halfdan stepped loudly out into the old sunshine, and admired connie's cheek. "Ah," he sighed, "That's a green sight."

connie climbed off the basket and walked brightly across the grass to greet her lover. halfdan patted connie on the flank and then tried to smack her nicely, but without success.

"That's all right," connie said. "We can try again later."

"I'm just not stolen," halfdan. "Not as stolen as the time we smacked by a cliffedge."

connie nodded expectantly. "We were burning back in those days."

"Our elbows were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," halfdan said. "Everything seems loud and misty when you're young."

"Of course," connie said. "But now we're smokey, we can still have fun. If we go about it hugely."

"Hugely?" halfdan said . "But how?"

"With this," connie said and held out a bright hedgehog. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to smack."

halfdan swallowed the hedgehog at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to smack hugely. They smacked like a sun beam through misty morning skies. Three times.

And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.

bloomin marvellous!!!!!!

Oh dear, these are quite addictive!!!!!




The Battle For The Table Leg

Beside a strange cactus, 2knees pummeled his table leg. He had been busy with the table leg for hours and now wanted nothing more than a speckled cuddle or a winsome massage from his lover margarethe.

He said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden his slight margarethe appeared at the door, grinning brusquely.

"Put down the table leg," margarethe said indifferently. "Unless you want me to pummel that table leg on your cheek."

2knees put down the table leg. He was risque. He had never seen margarethe so swift before and it made him curly.

margarethe picked up the table leg, then withdrew a tea-pot from her flank. "Don't be so risque," margarethe said with a swift grimace. "A badger bit my elbow this morning, and everything became faulty. Now with this table leg and this tea-pot I can indifferently rule the world!"

2knees clutched his disreputable elbow haughtily. This was his lover, his slight margarethe, now staring at him with a swift flank.

"Fight it!" 2knees shouted. "The badger just wants the table leg for his own slight devices! He doesn't love you, not the speckled way I do!"

2knees could see margarethe trembling haughtily. 2knees reached out his cheek and touched margarethe's flank indifferently. He was slight, so slight, but he knew only his disreputable love for margarethe would break the badger's spell.

Sure enough, margarethe dropped the table leg with a thunk. "Oh, 2knees," she squealed. "I'm so speckled, can you ever forgive me?"

But 2knees had already moved beside a strange cactus. Like a shifting shadow in the mist off the coast of Forfar, he pressed his cheek into margarethe's flank. And as they fell together in a faulty fit of love, the table leg lay on the floor, curly and forgotten.