h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Anyone out there talk to me? I have just had one...... Did not know I was pregnant till I was not anymore...... Found the whole clean up business invasive and very (x a million)disturbing. How do we cope? Please talk to me, male or female perspective of those of have been there.. Ta.

I am really sorry to hear about that. The only thing I can offer is a prayer - I hope you don't mind that. You will certainly cope, there's no doubt about it. You have a great family, don't you? You and your husband are often in my thoughts here in Moscow. So, if people as far as that care, how can you not cope?
and do keep hoping
Elena
to work, will write more, if you don't mind

Thank you. No I do not mind. I am a baptist, of late God and I have had shall we say differences of opinion. On top of that my husband always ends in a bad mood every morning he goes into work as no matter what time he gets up he is ALWAYS running late, somehow thats my fault????? Perhaps he needs to ignore the internet in the morning?? Sorry really bitching. Just tough at the mo.

It is not good I felt like the world was an elevator on freefall Worst time of my life We went to bed for a couple of days, lots of crying. Then we made a decision - back to work for the both of us.

It was still a nightmare, but it was a public place so stiff upper-lip mentality helped, and work was a distraction. We got lots of flowers from family to let us know they were thinking of us, but other than that they left us alone, which was what we needed. Nothing worse than it all being dragged up again talking to someone about it. Still we were very sad for weeks after.

Following weekend into the hospital, we went for the pill option (less invasive) and though we had to stay in overnight (for all the others on the ward the pill worked within the day, it was only us that had to stay). We found that a turning point. Not the end, by a long shot, but a definate turning point.

It is very sad, but not the end of the world. It is likely that you will get pregnant again. Though we did not tell anyone until very late this time. As always time is the healer (not very helpful I am sure, right now ). There comes a day when you go through it without thinking of it. It still brings a tear to my eye when I do think of it, and I imagine that will always be the case, but it is not always there.

I hope this helps and if there is anything else I can do to help, let me know. Until later....
BCNU - Crescent

I can offer the following:

1. Sympathy.
2. Some numbers.

Fully 15% of all clinically recognised pregnancies end in miscarriage. When pregnancy is diagnosed earlier with sensitive hormone tests, results show that up to SIXTY percent of pregnancies end in miscarriage. (I'll say that again if it's not clear enough - *most* pregnancies spontaneously self-abort, often without the mother ever knowing she was pregnant.)

The message here is: miscarriage is *normal*. People don't talk about it because it's upsetting, but that hides the important fact that it's not something shameful or even unusual.

One other number. 60-75% of women who have *recurrent* miscarriages (3 in a row) will have a successful pregnancy the next time, WITHOUT TREATMENT. Most investigations of recurrent miscarriages find no cause.

The message here is: keep trying, don't let it put you off wanting to be pregnant.

Other than the dry, but I hope help facts, I don't really have anything else but good wishes.

SoRB

My sister had two miscarriages before she had her baby. She was surprisingly up-beat on the whole as she had now trouble getting pregnant again...and the fact that her friend came round to sit with her who had 5 miscarriages before finally having a baby.

So, I can only echo what SoRB said...it's natural...it's not nice from an emotional point of view but the facts can help to put it all in perspective.

Good luck.

I really have no idea what you're going through, but I suggest that, if anyone offers you professional help, you would do well to accept it. the above figures show that people cope with this all the time, so I daresay you will too, but a few words with a psychiatrist or counsellor can't do you any harm.

... and don't forget to rest. Take time off work. Sleep. Your body needs a little extra time to heal.

I second what SoRB has said also. Miscarriage is more common than we have thus far realised, not that knowing makes the experience any easier to deal with, unfortunately.... I guess it is nature's way of trying to make sure it gets it right. Don't beat yourself up about it. Get well, try again.


W

I'll second that.

A friend of mine has had three miscarriages at varying stages and times, and each were upsetting. She has three healthy children and is currently pregnant with her fourth, and everything is going brilliantly with this pregnancy.

Don't beat yourself up about it . Be kind to yourself and let yourself recover physically and emotionally from it all.

ask at your local clinic/health surgery/maternity unit for advice.

im sure they will have some local organisation of women who have been in the same situation and can offer a few kind and mostly apt words to help you at this difficult time.

It happened to me with a totally unwanted pregnancy - although by then I was really excited about another child.

Take lots of rest, lots and lots of rest. Talk when and if you want, and be quiet when and if you want. And don't worry about telling people what you want/expect of them right now.

It is like anything else in life, it takes everyone differntly. Some days it will creep back up on you, other times you'll find that you're not thinking about it for long stretches.

Be well

I'm really sorry to hear of your loss, it happens a lot as has already been said. Miscarriage is nature's safety valve, the foetus wasn't viable, in a way it's sparing you the agony of stillbirth or neo-natal death.

I had a stillbirth first, then two lovely girls, then a miscarriage, then two sons. Having a family is like Russian roulette. Hopefully the good times in your life will more than make up for the bad.

all the best

to:
sho,senrenity,rains,wilma,justbob,researcher179541,sorb,crescent and weirdo07:

Thanks for responding. My miscarriage was a couple of months ago now. But because of the invasive clean up (hoovering, as I call it) there are some days it still feels like it was yesterday. Physically I am almost there, emotionally- I haven't got a clue.

This was probably the worst news my husband and I could have had- that I was pregnant. I have a chronic disease, one which affects my joints and bones which means I have enough trouble supporting myself, let alone a bump. I have never wanted a child, as the likelihood of its inheriting this disease is high and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. We are totally stunned, we weren't expecting this. Weren't looking for any clues or signs. All of which we apparently missed! I have had all my results back now, from various tests that were undertaken. It is conclusive that I will NEVER carry to term because of my condition. I have been told that if this happens again I may very well have to face a small hospital stay. Apparently I was lucky this time. I realised pretty soon something was very wrong. My poor old bod can't take this kind of punishment. Hells bells, I give myself black eyes just by sneezing! I can never foster or adopt as my health condition and it's progress over the years is a huge black hole when it comes to information.
So I will stick to small furry things with four pink feet and slightly larger furry things with long whiplashing tails. Those of you who have popped by before know we have rodents. Once again, thank you for responding. I have a friend, a very good friend, who has had 12 miscarriages and 12 ectopics (sp?). She has been fantastic. A lady at church has added this into the counselling I am already receiving from her. The one upside of all this is that on medical advice I got to drink a glass of guiness every night for two weeks. Which was, for me, the only prescription I have thoroughly enjoyed. Thank you again.

QSS

Hi there,

Let me say I'm really sorry for you, and by that I mean both of you. You both will be hurting in your own ways and it is terrible. The only thing that I can say is following our miscarriage Mrs Flanker and I went on to have another two bounching babies. So I feel for you as we all do, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Make yourselves stronger from this star in the night sky which you have created and when your are both ready go on to hve lots of more fun and hopefully babies.


Flanker

Talk about simulposting

That's all right - sorry about going on. I hope you have a great life a to see you much more on H2G2.

I'll go back to my olden days and dream of having a posting or two with Aonetidalemaniac and people like that.



flanker

Surprised this hasn't been suggested, but has anyone medical suggested having a sterilisation? If you're really going to be threatened by pregnancy, it would seem to me to make sense to make as damn sure as possible it never happens again.

Strongly suggest you ask your doctor or midwife or whatever what they think of that idea.

SoRB

Hello there,

Yeah, it's all been discussed. The fly in the ointment is that I have fibromyalgia, and have had since I was a weeny teeny thing (which my husband argues I still am, five foot two, eyes of blue, that be me). Because I have fms they are loathe to give me an anasthetic. They have to give me a different one, can't rememeber the name of it- big, long, latin, complicated. What has been suggested is that my husband goes and sees a man with a pair of scissors, or whatever they use. I don't do well at anasthetic, you see. Here's a good example: A deep cut on the palm of the hand requiring stitching, for anybody normal, two small shots of i-can't-feel-it juice and you're away. After six shots I could still feel them cleaning and irrigating the wound. So they could shove six stitches in my hand I ended up having ten shots so I felt nothing. Perhaps this gives you some indictation of why they are reluctant to knock me completely out. I think we have crossed every bridge possible for me in terms of safety. Excuse the pun, but the ball now lies firmly in my husband's court. Thank you for talking to me.
QSS

I would like to tell you that your pain, both mental and physical will come to diminish over time. I would be a lair, pain is the the genuine response to aggrieved injury. There is no timetable or therapy that can guarantee some sort of resolution, but what you can do is to be committed to those things that define you as your unique self and to those whom you love.
During mother's day weekend I had to explain to a six year old what cancer was and if it progresses to terminal, one can only stand by your loved one and abate the pain as much as drug therapies allow. My mother passed from cancer three years ago, and to tell a very bright child that medicines can only cure as far as they are designed was to feel as helpless and awkward as when she was in her last days.
If nothing else, I can tell is that your profound loss is not unknown to those who have suffered. We can chose to get on in life, but nothing ever will change the facts of our lives - especially when all else seemed so trivial compared to what is at the forefront of our emotions and thoughts.

My sincere sympathies, too - the one basic instinct that no woman can suppress is the need to give life. Despite what her head and common sense and her doctors say.

Sensible girl: You have found a substitute - something to nurture and show affection to - in your pets, and you need this. It is very vital to your sanity and to fulfill a very basic need. So keep them as long as you can cope.

You are fortunate that your husband supports you. Do try and help him understand that this is a great loss to you on all levels - you are now confronted with the mind-blowing thought that you could, in other circumstances, have had a child.

For the sake of the thread statistics: I, too, have had one miscarriage.