h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Go on, they never did?

Oh come off it airscotia, I'm not gullible you know

Yeah, they did! If you're ever in Pegwell Bay and wonder what the smell is, it'll be the 60 year old rotting eucalyptus. Pungent is, I think, the word.

This is all gen information, proper! I just googled Douglas Bearder-Eucalyptus-pong.........and got Pegwell Bay as a result.

Apparently, according to the RAF museum, Pandas were highly sought after as pilots because they came with their own goggles and warm flying suits.
There was a brief attempt to recruit Honey Bears, but they proved unreliable during 'Woozle' hunting season.

I think I read somewhere that was consternation over the amount of aircraft being adapted for the Pandas: the paw control modifications made the planes quite useless for human pilots. I believe that there was a really quite serious discussion in the Officers' Mess over a couple of brandies. The pandas felt under represented in said discussion as they couldn't hold the brandy glasses so were excluded from the Officers' Mess.

A frightful fracas ensued but was abated when Barnes Wallis popped up with his freshly invented 'Paw-to-hand' control modification adapter'. It was a brilliant invention, and we all know what he went on to invent...


..Bouncing Bamboo.


Imagine all those generations of children that have enjoyed hopping around on Barnes Wallace's Bouncing Bamboo. Oh, the memories.

Well that's just incredible, will there be a EG collaboration in the offing then?

Woozle hunting must always take priority, it's a very serious business

'Woozle hunting must always take priority, it's a very serious business'

That is a fair point. Not only are woozle's a threat to our way of life (what with all the Chatterly they display at every available opportunity) but they also had a taste for munching macrame. Of course, the importance of this wasn't known in the 1940s. Just goes to show how far sighted the honey bears were. Imagine the impact on 1970s culture if the woozles had got their way! It doesn't bear thinking about.

It's also a little known fact that the naming of one of Britain's most famous airplanes came as a direct result of our Panda pilots.

Churchill had two boffins in front of him one dark day in '39. One wanted to know how he was to feed the masses of hungry panda pilots waiting to fly, the other had a brief to supply a name for the newly invented aircraft.

Amazingly (Or luckily for the purposes of this story) They asked thier questions simultaniously.

"Hurry canes" said Winnie, in a moment of inspiration.













And that is how the Spitfire got it's name.

Ah yes, a defining moment in British history. If I remember correctly the city of Doncaster was a direct result of the famous 'Spitfire nomenclative coincidence'.

I'm surprised Mrs B doesn't know more about this: I thought it was basic school kid stuff!

Unfortunately Roymondo (my fellow scholar) there is a tendancy these days to skip the basics.

I think we can lay this educational catastrophe firmly at the door of the Luftwaffe's Koalas. It's well known that many, many koalas bailed out over London and, while most of them smuggled Australians into the country to, while holding positions behind bars, corrupt our students (the koalas knew how much faith students' put in the word of the beer master) many don't know that the Koalas also infiltrated our education system.

Goodbye Mr Chips? Originally written about a Koala.

So many of the things we take for granted are actually a result of the insidious German (Or 'Herr Bears' as they were known) infiltrating dear old Blighty.

They invented the coke flavoured sweet squares........Koala cubes.

Coke itself.........Cocoa Koala.

And the song......Koala to my place, my place.

Luckily, Britain employed a force of pugalist Teddy bears who's task it was to smite the invaders. Koala Lumpers they were called, I believe somewhere in Asia was named in their honour.

How soon we forget.

weren't the Luftwaffe's Koalas the first parachute regiment?
I think they were deployed against an Australian force, hence the great fear with which aussies regard these 'drop-bears'

My Grandad (on my mother's side) used to tell me tales of the Kuala Lumpers. Unfortunately I remember little of his stories but I do remember him telling me about the evening when they broke into the weaponry, grabbed several banana bombs* and proceeded to play havoc blowing up the billiard table. There was much consternation that night (the koalas were disguised as small pandas) but eventually the koalas were identified & kebabbed. I'm led to believe that they tasted great when combined with chilli sauce.




*Worms reference

This is all nonsense.
Has nobody seen the recent glut of papers in The Journal of Panda Studies, and Pandas in History, dramatically reassessing their impact on wartime Britain? Many academics are now firmly convinced that the 33rd squadron was largely a PR exercise, overstating the success of their attacks and attributing victories to them which were actually earned by other forces (the 7th Llama Bombers suffered especially from this).
I think it's time we had another look at our records, and return both pandas and koalas to their proper place: as a military blunder.

They say a tiger actually has striped skin, if you shave off it´s fur. Maybe a panda also har dark blotches on it´s skin to match the fur.

Quite who'd be brave enough to test the tiger theory is the question. I suppose if you shaved a badger you might find the same result (a safer option)

Anyone shaved their beaver?

I think a shaved panda would look quite like Matt Lucas.

Little Bruin.

>>Anyone shaved their beaver?<<
I'm not going to answer that question

Shaved beavers are just a continuation of their surroundings