h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The next post was an e-mail sent to me by a good friend and should be taken completely as a joke.

No digs are intended, and I'm sure most people will see the funny side (especially if you love Rugby)!!!!!!!!

>Following complaints made to the IRB about the All
>Blacks being allowed to motivate themselves by
>performing the 'Haka' before their games,
>other nations were asked to suggest pre-match rituals
>of their own. The IRB Rugby World Cup 2003 Organising Committee has now
>agreed to the following pre-match
>displays:
>
>1. The England team will chat about the weather, wave
>hankies in the air and attach bells to their ankles
>before moaning about how they invented the
>game and gave it to the world, and how it's not fair
>that everyone still thinks
>New Zealand are the best team in the world.
>
>2. The Scotland team will chant "You lookin' at me
>Jimmy?" before smashing an Iron Bru bottle over their opponents' heads.
>
>3. The Ireland team will split into two, with the
>Southern half performing a Riverdance, while the
>Northerners march the Traditional route from their
>dressing room to the pitch, via their opponents
>dressing room.
>
>4. Argentina will unexpectedly invade a small part of opposition
>territory, claim it as their own "Las In-Goals-Areas" and then be
>forcibly removed by the match stewards.
>
>5. Two members of the South African team will claim to
>be more important than the other 13 whom they will
>imprison between the posts whilst they claim the rest
>of the pitch for themselves.
>
>6. The Americans will not attend until almost full
>time. In future years they will amend the records to
>show that they were in fact the most important team in
>the tournament, won it single handedly and Hollywood
>will
>make a film called 'Saving No.8 Lyle'.
>
>7. Five of the Canadian team will sing La Marseillaise
>and hold the rest of the team to ransom.
>
>8. The Italian team will arrive in Armani gear,
>sexually harass the female stewards and then run away.
>
>
>9. The Spanish will sneak into the other half of the
>pitch, mow it and then claim that it was all in line
>with European "grass quotas". They will then
>curl up under the posts and have a kip until half
>time, when their appeal for compensation against the
>UK government will be heard.
>
>10. The Japanese will attempt to strengthen their team
>by offering good salaries to the key opposition
>players and then run around the pitch at high speed in
>a highly efficient manner before buying the ground
>(with a
>subsidy from the UK Government).
>
>11.. The French will declare they have new scientific
>evidence that the opposition are in fact all mad. They
>will then park lorries across the halfway line, let
>sheep loose in the opposition half and burn the
>officials.
>
>12. The Australians will have a barbie before
>negotiating lucrative singing and TV contracts in the
>UK. They will then invite all their mates to
>come and live with them in Shepherds Bush.
>
>13. Unfortunately the Committee were unable to accept
>the Welsh suggestion following complaints from the
>RSPCA.

That would appear to cover all national stereotypes.

It does that!!!

Just hope no-one actually takes offense by it

Of course, the 50-strong Georgian team promptly asked for asylum.

My cheeks hurt now from !!!!!

I'm deeply offended that you haven't insulted the Uruguayans, Fijians, Namibians, Romanians, Georgians, Tongans and Samoans. Are these countries beneath your contempt?

and


That one has just done the rounds of my office... the whole place - including the french contingent, has now got a case of the giggles!

Vicki, are you campaigning for a Rolf Harris smiley too?

Reddyfreddy - this was an e-mail sent to me...I didn't make it, but if you would like to come up with a couple of your own, then please feel free


Whisky - glad you enjoyed it - you can buy be an if we ever meet

taht is good. someone even remmbered the Bru. I want to know why it is almost impossible to find any substantial amount of Iron Bru outside of scotland.

Of course I am Whisky!!! I loved Rolf Harris - my surname used to be Harris

Yes, I know it was an e-mail you received!

As a self-appointed honorary Uruguayan, I DEMAND that someone makes fun of the town called Fray Bentos!

> I want to know why it is almost impossible to find any substantial amount of Iron Bru outside of scotland.

You're not looking hard enough.

erm i beileve my friend who just moved to canada searched hard, but only found 1 pack of it.

Brilliant.....

It would certainly make the games more interesting..........

The french one made me the most, I do have to say....

You might want to search for Irn-Bru....
BCNU - Crescent

i don't leave scotland taht often, so ...

however a number of sources recomend it as a hang over cure that works

"I'm deeply offended that you haven't insulted the Uruguayans, Fijians, Namibians, Romanians, Georgians, Tongans and Samoans. Are these countries beneath your contempt?"

actually there is a Tongan team that has dissapeared and is hiding from immigration here in NZ. If they've been found then I haven't seen the news item.

BTW, love the joke, I'll foreward it round work.