h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

"Are you here already?"



No. I'm Footbacon's secret evil twin.

"So you found it all right?"

"It was in the last place I looked!"

When I pick up one of the other 9 lines in our department "Isn't he there then???"

"I'm sorry I was tied up when you rang yesterday"

Though I did say that once when it had been literally true:

"Catholics aren't the same as christians because Catholics have holy communion and christians have christenings."

A year ago tomorrow, my own beloved (U192764 - yes, she's not Elvised yet) came out with the immortal:

"Are banks closed on Bank Holidays?"

B

"Where did you lose it?"


az

adults to children: "Haven't you grown!" what else are they supposed to do, shrink?

I used to work in a call centre and every Bank Holiday you'd get someone ringing up and uttering the immortal line "I didn't think you'd be open today!"

Why the did you ring the number then???

Me, to a ringing phone,

"Hold on, I'm on the way."

Though pretty much a standard greeting in these parts, "Now then", seems both meaningless and contradictory.

Some achievement in two words.

When I first moved to England I was a bit taken aback when people greeted me by saying 'You alright?' - to me it sounded as if they expected something to be wrong with me.


az

After spending ages getting ready..

"are you going like that?"

"are you still here?"

aaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

oh and people telling me to "be careful with that, dear, it's dangerous" (f'r instance, when I'm playing with power tools)

no. I'm going to be totally careless in the hope that I cause myself a serious and painful injury

My Dad has just told my Nan rang him

The first thing she said to him when he picked up the phone was

"Are you sleeping?"

My father would go to work for 4 a.m. Every school day he phoned at 6 a.m. The first thing he'd say is "Are you awake?".

The phone was three rooms and a hallway from my bed.

People who keep saying "are you awake?" to you expecting an answer until they have woken you up.

And then, "sorry did I wake you?"

People are strange I'm sure I've done a few classics myself but cant remember off the top of my head

When you're out walking your dog and someone says "Is that your dog?"
No, I was walking past the newsagents, saw a dog and thought "I've always wanted one of them".

When you come in wet from the rain and someone says "Is it raining?". Never been quite sure if they're trying to be funny or are just stupid.

When England get knocked out of the World Cup and someone says "Isn't it a shame?"

Even worse, when a character soap opera dies and someone says "Isn't it a shame?"

Virtually every time there is a conflict someone will say "This could be the start of world war three".