h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Fortunately the lights chose that moment to fail, and I made my escape in the darkness...

Fortunately it was not a long wait till the next tube train, and I soon arrived at Kings Cross tube station and made my way up the escilator to the train station, where, to my dismay, a hoard of 'big issue' sellers, blocked my passage, though, from behind them I spotted the spoon, so stopped in my tracks and bought a copy whilst I figured out what I should do...

Unfortunately, the spoon chose that moment to attempt to buy a 'Big Issue'... from me!

Fortunately, having seen this, the hoard of big issue sellers set on the spoon with such a furious attack that the spoon was sent staggering backwards, and fell down teh escalator...

unfortunately, it was the UP escalator, and the surging crowd of commuters carried him toward me with ever greater speed....

Fortunately, I was caught up in the quickly moving hoard of 'big issue' sellers, who pushed me onwards across the Kings Cross Station and accidently onto a train, the door of which closed as I was pushed in, and the train left the station, to where I knew not...

Unfortunately, the train had left from Platform Nine and Three Quarters, which left me in a double bind as I was simultaneously trapped in an alternate world of wizards and witches, and also trapped in a plagiaristic milieu....

Fortunately, four hours into the journey, to where I knew not, the train broke down, as a result of a faulty cooling system, causing the engine to overheat and pack up entirely, after two hours of waiting for the replacement engine, I got out of the train and inspected the surroundings, prefering as I did, to go alone, by foot rather than being suffocated on the train..

Unfortunately, the route of the Hogwart's Express was never made entirely clear (and believe me, I've tried ) so I had no idea whatsoever where in the country I could possibly be.

Fortunately, I caught sight of what looked like, in the distance, a beautiful and majestic building, rising above the reeds and water ways, above the flat landscape, as if a land-mark, thus placed to attract those from the areas lay around to its door, and I proceded to meander my way through the reeds, and sparce trees dotting the lazy landscape, toward the bewitching building that caught my gaze and fasination so.

Unfortunately, it was just an old abandoned film-set made out of balsa.

Fortunately, as I climbed to the top of the tower in the balsa film set church, I spied, far off in the distance an emerald glint, of a silver see, waves breaking gently on a shore of golden sand, whcih glinted black in the searing heat of the midday sun, and I realised, that, not for the first time, I had no idea why I was here, so I ignored the silver-golden sands of the shore of the emerald green sea, and instead decided to pop over to the collection of wooden huts an dhovels marking the edge of some kind of shanty town, and ask teh seer, who's building I saw, illuminated as it was by a garish neon sign, and seek advice and guidence in my ill-plagued quest for the 'missing lemming'.