h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Fortunately, down the back of the sofa I found a number of interesting items that I had mislaid, including a road map of Leicester, a CD of Elvis Presley songs and a packet of aspirin tablets.

Unfortunately, these were the very items required by the evil Count Dropout to action his nefarious world domination plans. His agents were now at my door, heavily armed and a little bit peeved at being sent out during the Eastenders omnibus...

Fortunately, my helicopter was ready and waiting on the roof, so I took the items from behind the back of the sofa, and made my escape...

Unfortunately, the nefarious Dropout agents had arrived by super sleek and rather shiny hover jets, theree of which were in a holding pattern above my abode. They made chase with nasty looking rockets aimed in my direction...

Fortunately, they were so shiny that two of them were blinded by the bright reflections of the other and crashed almost immediately.

Unfortunately, this p**s*d off the pilot of the third hover jet as his mankey appreciation classmate was piloting one of the others... he gave chase with lethal purpose..

Fortunately, it was at this moment, that I heard the tune on teh radio that I'd been trying to remember the name of for quite some time, and was amazed further, when the radio DJ announced the title of the song, thus giving me power, as everyone knows knowledge is power, and therefore, using this newfound power, I jumped off the roof of the building and onto the adjecent building...

Unfortunately, I obviously forgot I was in my helicopter (you really should read all the posts) and my tie became entangled in the rotor blades, spinning me round round baby round round like a record baby round round round round....

Fortunately this made the bloke in the shiny craft miss me with his machine gun and waste all his bullets.

Unfortunately I forgot wat I waz doing.

Fortunately, even if I had remembered what I was doing, I couldn't have done anything about it as I was caught firmly by the tie on the edge of my helicopter's rotor blade.

Unfortunately, this again reminded me of the 80's tune 'You spin me round' and as well as myself spinning this song was also spinning me round round baby round round like a record baby round round round round in my head....

Fortunately, the 80's tune 'You spin me round' was the least favoured song of the attacking giant robot sheep, and they fled in terror at my singing...

Unfortunately my tie snapped just as the sheep had almost disappeared out of sight, and the force of the propellor flung me precisely in their direction. They turned and gawped slobberingly in my direction as though I was a large piece of particularly cheesy cheese.

Fortunately I had several large pieces of particularly cheesy cheese, so I fed it to the sheep and headed off, unimpeded and down, and onto the tube train, bound for Kings Cross station...

Fortunately as I lodged in the jaws of the nearest one the fluff on my top caused the first one to go into a coughing fit, and its wracking coughs caused it to fly into pieces, destroying the others around it...

Unfortunately it appeared that the dreaded Spoon itself, the evil sidekick of the devil Himself, had just happened to take the same train as me. It was widely known that the Spoon will carry out any dastardly act conceivable for a pint of Guiness, and that the Devil had promised him ten pints of guiness and a plate of green jelly for my abduction. The Spoon loomed menacingly in front of me, cackling with insane glee.

Fortunately the spoon didn't expect me to run as fast as I did, and conveniently, as I ran off the tube train, the doors closed, and the spoon was wisked off towards impeding gloom at Kings Cross station...

Unfortunately directly behind me on the platform stood the fork and the knife....

Unfortunately, Count Dropout and his henchmen were waiting on that very platform, although admitedly for a train to Hyde Park. This was just an unfortunate coincidence....