h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Shall we continue?

Get's my vote. Which reminds me voting starts today for the virtual mayor of London.

But to pick up, yes I'm sure that many users could benefit from RTFM, but just as that message got across in our organization, and manuals had appeared on most bookshelves (an improvement from staying in the box), we change systems, we no longer have any manuals. The culture has to shift again to Read The Flipping Help Pages (RTFHP). I write help pages for my applications and I am certain so far only a tiny percentage of users use them.....again educhun is required.

Ho hum, breakfast time... and I read somewhere the H2G2 servers is going down today for a memory upgrade.

CH

Hmm... Well if it does, maybe I'll get some badly needed sleep. NOT.

That's the techdesk people's biggest peeve. And the reason for this thread, most likely... People that call the help desk and berate the person trying to help them when they haven't even read "Introduction to Computers" ... Stupid users are, IMNSHO, lusers that refuse to learn, but insist they know what they're doing and it's the machine that is broken.

IOW, users that are willing to listen and learn aren't the stupid ones, they're merely uninformed, which can be remedied. If a user calls up and says, "Look, I've read this section [bla blah bla] but I just don't understand what it means, I, for one, am more than willing to explain it to them.

Just like my old mum used to say "intelligent questions get intelligent answers".


;^)#

*nods*

I was always informed (both parents -- at last, something they agreed on! ) that the only stupid question is the one that is not asked.

That is not true ! The only stupid question is the one that you already know the answer to.

TowelMaster's Theorem : "The only stupid question is the one that you can easily find in the manual/helptext but are too lazy to read".

I am one of those IT-"professionals" you sometimes mention here and let me put it this way : Suppose my toilet is defective. Now I know how to use a toilet but I hire someone to repair AND maintain it. So I feel I'm entitled to say that 99,999 % of all PC-owners think that they 'know about computers' when they don't know j*ck-sh** !
And even if I live to be a hundred I will never ever forget the stupid, arrogant, self-assured responses I have had in the past when working for Helpdesks(like IBM's yes).

______________

Typical conversation(and I personally experienced this so don't expect the coffeecup-holder and all that) :

Characters : Me and Hugo(57 years old, worked with an archaic Digital Equipment 11/48 and had to switch to the then brandnew IBM S/38. Speaks seven languages fluently and is an order-handler for the company which means he never does anything but use the computer all day).

*Ring*
- Hello, I'm Rob, can I help you ?
- It doesn't work
- Oh hello Hugo, what doesn't work ?
- That thing.
- You mean the computer, which one is it, The brown tv(Digital), the white tv(PC) or the grey tv(S/38).
- The grey one.
- Ah that's our S/38. What's the problem ?
- It doesn't work
- Yes well, what does it say ?
- Error on Van Gend en Loos file(Something like FedEx-file)
- Hugo we don't have a Van Gend en Loos file. Do you see a message ?
- It says 'error on GNDL001'
- Well that's our General Data File Logical View #1 Hugo
- Don't care, it doesn't work
- Well what's the exact message ?
- "Error on GNDL001, record locked, press reset to continue and try again later..."
- Well have you retried it ?
- No is doesn't respond to anything...
- Well have you pressed reset ?
- What's that ?
- That's the button RIGHT NEXT TO THE SPACEBAR Hugo...the spacebar is that big thing in..
- I know where the spacebar is..

*wait for 20 seconds*

- Well Hugo, is it responding again ?
- Well the cross at the bottom(inp. inhibited) is gone now but it still doesn't do anything.
- Did you press enter again ?
- Oh I need to do that ?
- Yes Hugo....
- Ah it works now

*phone goes dead without warning*

5 minutes later :

- Hi, this is Rob. Can I help you ?
- It doesn't work
- Hello Hugo........................

Just because I know how to operate my TV and Video(quite an accomplishment nowadays by the way) I DO NOT know how to build or repair or maintain them so I don't try ! The problem with windows is that anyone can tinker under the hood so to speak. And they said a closed system was no good at all...I love my AS/400. Let's me do everything I want but the more dangerous it gets the more experienced you have to be and you never ever blow up the operatingsystem itself !
Microsoft are now starting to realise that it's easy to build software-packages(done it myself, no problem) but that it is bloody hard to innovate on them and keep your backward-compatibility and at the same time develop new applications(based on the old system..)

So for the sake of the discussion here is my statement of the week :

"Computers demand that you study them before you start mucking about, read a book and learn your ignorance! RTFM still rules !"

I hope that this is enough input for now, should you want to hear some of the more amusing and true helpdesk-stories well.....


TM.


Oh and for the same reasons as above(the lack of professionalism) I say WINDOWS SUCKS ! So users are bound to have a deathwish...

Maybe we should supply every PC user with another, spare PC in kit form! Let them learn how it works by building it...

It wouldn't work, they would call the helpdesk....

Of course, here on the net RTFM could easily be modified to RTFForum

;^)#
Ma Mama, weer all users here
with apologies to Slade fans

Hokay - how about "Every user must spend a month manning a helpline with a load of manuals on the desk in front of them before they're allowed to have a computer of their own"...? (And at the start of every call they MUST give out their home address and 'phone number, to make them personally responsible for any damage they do...)

It's not remotely practical, but it makes a wonderful image to contemplate

I have been a helpdesk too; in fact, I had to be user support for code I wrote myself, at a school where most of my users were TEACHERS, and some of them were just as bad as Towelmaster's Hugo (the electricity votech instructor used to work on Univac and he WAS Hugo).

I think the bad/stupid user is a resistant user. He doesn't want to be there, and he certainly doesn't want to use your damn computer.

I used to write all the user guides, do 'em in PageMaker and distribute them to everybody, and I might as well have made paper
airplanes out of the pages.

Helpdesk should be made a kind of National Service, with a draft. On the large corporate level, it couldn't be much worse than it is now.

Lil

Hmmm... elitism is gettin kinda steep in here. Flipside time... The stupid helpdesk tech is the one who -always- assumes he is smarter than the person calling in.

I agree, help desk elitism run riot back there. I would like our help desk operators to actually come and USE the software. To try and get 10 different formats of data into one database. To try and locate missing data as it passes from one crap new system to another. To produce compex multi-layered maps in a package by *S*I called Ar****w (stars to avoid any libel action) that crashes every five minutes......

...to push the apps that liitle bit further, because unlike IS staff we have to produce an output at the end of the day and not just a 95% of all calls answered within an hour "We've got your call and are dealing with it" in 1 minute does not count in my book.

Perhaps a bit more tolerance on both sides. Users to try and sort their own problems (most don't) and IS staff to try and understand what the business is about, be it a bank, charity, government QANGO or what.

rant over, just hope I haven't given away the organization I work for, but I'm sure there's many the above description could apply to

CH

(my turn to rant)
I used to be "IT Support" for an oil industry safety consultants - the difference between "Helpdesk" and "IT Support" being that I had to actually visit the user and show them how to achieve the illogical/irrational/impossible combination of tasks they had convinced themselves they REALLY NEEDED to do, with no budget for buying new software which could make things easier. The greatest expenditure I was allowed to authorise was £10 for an old OEM copy of CorelDraw! v4 (The current version at the time was v6) for a user who had once read that all charts looked better if they were done as vector graphics, and couldn't understand that a 200x150 graphic on-screen would look crap whatever he used. Ditto someone who wanted to change e-mail clients, who kept the last 3 years worth of mail in the trashcan, just in case he needed to "refer back to it", and couldn't understand that the storage formats were proprietary - "Why can't you just move the trashcan from one to the other? It's really stupid that they never thought of doing that!"

I suppose the point I'm trying to make is that I DID really have to use the software to import 10 different formats of data etc. etc., and that anybody who is being paid more than you seems to assume that their idea of what is "feasable" will always supercede yours, even if you know what you're doing and they admit that they don't. Many people who are talented at a particular job, and paid well for it, can still come across as being as thick as pigshit. I'm sure I appeared dense when I couldn't grasp the absolute essential nature of a "copy the trashcan to a new package which hasn't been written yet" option...

(Phew - Rant over)

A Few Pointers for you to enlighten your relationship with helpdesks.

1. When a tech says he's coming right over, log out and go for coffee. It's no problem for us to remember 2700 network passwords.

2. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it
buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and Popsicle art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.

3. When tech support sends you an e-mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're probably just testing out the public groups.

4. When a tech is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill
your guts out and expect him to respond immediately. We exist only to serve and are always ready to think about fixing computers.

5. When a tech is at the water cooler or outside having a smoke, ask
him a computer question. The only reason why we drink water or smoke at all is to ferret out all those users who don't have email or a telephone line.

6. Send urgent email ALL IN UPPERCASE. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.

7. When you call a tech's direct line, press 5 to skip the bilingual
greeting that says he's out of town for a week, record your message, and wait exactly 24 hours before you send an email straight to the director because no one ever returned your call. You're entitled to common courtesy.

8. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's
electronics in it, right?

9. When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call computer
support. We can even fix telephone problems from here.

10. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on a tech's chair with no name, no phone number, and no description of the problem. We love a good mystery.

11. When you have a tech on the phone walking you through changing a
setting; read the paper. We don't actually mean for you to DO anything; we just love to hear ourselves talk.

12. When we offer training on the upcoming OS upgrade, don't bother.
We'll be there to hold your hand after it is done.

13. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times.
Print jobs frequently just disappear into the cosmos for no reason.

14. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the office. One of them is bound to work.

15. Don't use online help. Online help is for wimps.

16. If you're taking night classes in computer science, feel free to go around and update the network drivers for you and all your co-workers. We're grateful for the overtime when we have to stay until 2:30am Fixing them.

17. When you have a tech fixing your computer at a quarter past one, eat your lunch in his face. We function better when slightly dizzy.

18. Don't ever thank us. We love this AND we get paid for it!

19. When a tech asks you whether you've installed any new software on
this computer, lie. It's nobody's business what you've got on your
computer.

20. If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your
dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were
designed to have 45 lbs. of computer sitting on top of them.

21. If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the mail upgrade. Keyboards work much better with half a pound of muffin crumbs, nail clippings, and big sticky drops of Coke under the keys.

22. When you get the message saying "Are you sure?", click on that Yes button as fast as you can. Hell, if you weren't sure, you wouldn't be doing it, would you?

23. Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know nothing about that computer crap". It never bothers us to hear our area of professional expertise referred to as crap.

24. When you need to change the toner cartridge, call tech support.
Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task, and Hewlett-Packard recommends that it be performed only by a professional engineer with a Master's degree in nuclear physics.

25. When something's the matter with your computer, ask your secretary to call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a third party who doesn't know anything about the problem.

26. When you receive a 30-meg movie file, send it to everyone as a
high-priority mail attachment. We've got plenty of disk space and processor capacity on that mail server.

27. Don't even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller
chunks. God forbid somebody else might get a chance to squeeze into the queue.

28. When you bump into a tech in the grocery store on a Saturday, ask a computer question. We work 24/7, even while at the grocery store on weekends.

29. If your son is a student in computer science, have him come in on
the weekends and do his projects on your office computer. We'll be there for you when his illegal copy of Visual Basic 6.0 makes your Access database flip out.

30. When you bring us your own no-brand home PC to repair for free at
the office, tell us how urgently we need to fix it so your son can get back to playing TA:K. We'll get right on it because we have so much free time at the office. Everybody knows all we do is surf the Internet all day anyway.

I can sympathise with all those tech-support people out there... although I'm not sure I don't have a *worse* situation here. I'm in charge of the family PC, with a couple of little kids in the house... you wouldn't *believe* what I have to cope with at 7.00am sometimes...

31. When you see an error message come up on your screen, delete it immediately without writing down the message. Techies would rather not know what's broke when they come to fix it.

Don't get me wrong, I -do- sympathize... with -both- sides.

I know how frustrating it is to be asked the same question 15 times in the last 2 hours, the answer to which is written in big red letters on a sticker across the front of the manual. "Don't do this" ... "but I couldn't see why not so I did it anyway. What's wrong with this thing?"

I also sympathise with the other side, since I've been there at one time too... And I know many tech-help desks are stocked with 1 kid-who-needed-a-job, 1 computer with set of manual pages for FAQs, and no brains. I'm tired of hearing, "I'm sorry, that's a new product, we don't have any docs on that yet."

I just think both sides need to offer some mutual respect. Not all users are stupid and it's just as frustrating to them to be treated as stupid as it is for a help-desk member to deal with those that are. Some that call in may even have a tidbit or two -you- didn't know. (BTDT)

Hear, hear. I've never had to phone a help desk, as such, although I used to call IT Services (ha, ha!) at my old company and I also called Tech Support for my home PC a couple of times. The difference between the two was amazing. When I called Tech Support for my home PC I was treated like a human being and given prompt efficient service. Those guys (I always spoke to a man, so I assume there aren't any women in that company) really know what they are talking about. When I used to call IT Services I would have to wait ages (days, sometimes weeks) before some one would come and TRY to sort out the problem. I'm not an idiot and I do know something about computers, so if something went wrong enough for me to need to phone about it, it was usually pretty major.

I have also had to provide support for software I've written, so I've had to contend with people doing things that the documentation specifically tells them not to. 99 times out of 100 they haven't even read the documentation.

I have a lot of respect for the people who man help desks or provide tech. support, provided they know what they are doing. I just wish that they would treat users with the same respect, particularly when the user knows enough not to be treated like an idiot.