h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Personal opinion:

"World of Sport"/"Grandstand" for the number of hours of TV they took up in the days when there were only three channels and TV wasn't on 24/7... If people want to watch sport they should stand in the rain and leave the TV for something more entertaining/educational/escapist.

Ass: ''What did you say, Fowler? The Janny did what to the Mandril?''

*The amount of rage directed at the Janny grows*

*bustles in as Oirish washerwoman. Neatly leaving the scriptwrites with endless possibilites for terrorist attackes in the future.*

"Oh to be sure to be sure, now whats all this caffuffle agoin' on, Jesus Mary an Joseph an' all the blessed saints"

Ooh, or possibilities for inter-celtic love relationships with everybody's favourite jannitor!

Meanwhile out in the street...

IATM: Hey Tidal where are you going in such a hurry?

Tidal: I'm going to have it out with the Janny --- Kat's DAD.

IATM: Come on PK we don't want to miss this.

PK: I don't know I like this because if the janny is Kat's dad then I

must have slept with him for I'm Kat's MUM

*It's all too much passes out, now knowing that his best mate aonemantidalwave is seeing his birds daughter, together with the fact that his bird has had previous relations with a man in the cleaning trade.*

*In the pub*

Mark Fowler: ''Hello, new Irish Washerwoman. I need someone to love and understand me - will you?''

* PK rushes into the Pub *

PK: Help him Somebody Do sumthink. He's passed out.

Oirish: Bejesus clam down there. He's allright. Have a Drink.

* Orcus and Tidal enter carrying Its all too much....... between them *

As Alltoomuch comes round, all eyes turn to Flanker, who looks very sheepish.......

Janny: Ach Noo... Hoots Mon that's naw the time ah hud better get back to work.

* get up to leave *

* meanwhile the irish w.w. is staring at Prof Orcus *

Orcus : Just a Minute there Janny where do think you're going? You've got some hard questions to answer.
So who wants to start........

*Prof Orcus looks around at Oirish w.w. IATM.... Tidal Doc Mark Zoe PK......*

Johnny Briggs! Up there with Jossey's Giants!

Personally, lets hope we never see Harry and the Hendersons, Alf or Major Dad ever again.

I also join the motion to ban soaps. Its for the good of the nation! Lets get people out and about again!

Oirish: who said that!

looks round the bar

"I know you're here somewheres, so i do"

looks under the table

"come on out of it ye wee hallion ye, to be sure"

*Just then something distracts the mandrill. Startled, it jumps at the croc, which makes it go more than a little bonkers! Croc jumps on Zoe, (whose singe is a more than a little fringed), condemming her to certain death, but quick as a flash, an unlikely hero emerges....*

Flanker: ''Ach, gerroffera ya beg bully.''

*Flankster wressles the beast to the ground, much to the relief of the doc, whilst also impressing the Female cast members, and Mark Fowler who begins to question his sexuality. Ass rewards the Janny with much *

OIRISH : Oi bejesus and Bejabbers with all the commotion I've just remembered - You (points at Ass ) you're not a man at all... You're really KITty the long lost sister of KAT and Zoe of the fringe. And oi should know for oi was your milk nurse when you were all small.

WOOOAH!! Wasn't he stuck up a mandrill not so long ago?

Or was the mandrill stuck up him?

YOU CAN'T SELL THAT PLANE!
ME AND DEAN MARTIN USED TO FLY TO VEGAS IN IT.
AND ONE NIGHT THE MOON HIT HIS EYE LIKE A BIG PIZZA PIE...WE WROTE A SONG ABOUT IT...UNFORTUNATLY IT INFRINGED ON THE COPYRIGHTS OF A SONG HE SANG YEARS EARLIER.
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWH!

"Who are ye callin' a stuck up mandrill??? Oi'll have the law on ye, so I will, an' all..

Thank you Mark, me darlin' yes I'll take a wee dram in me hand."