h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Do any of you glorious people know anything about monocles?Particularly their history, and how you manage to keep it in your eye like Lord Peter Death Bredon Wimsey. He's my hero...

GP

Hi

I have no idea about their origin; but keeping them in your eye is easy enough. Most monocles have wire frames.

Get hold of the top of a vitamin jar, or something else which has a lid which is about 3.5cm or 1.25" across. The bottom rim of the lid sits in the bags of your eyes or on your cheek, and the top rim tucks under your eyebrow. Experiment. Try it, have fun.

It is much harder to keep an unframed monacle in your eye, I think you really need deepset eyes to be able to do it.

My Dad told a story of a senior officer in the army who was known for wearing a monacle. (This dates back to the 20s or 30s and the days of the Empire on which the Sun Never Set, btw).

He was visiting a fairly obstreporous troupe of soldiers; and when he came to inspect them every single one of them was standing in perfect kit with half-a-crown (a fairly large silver coin) in his eye.

He inspected them all, comenting on cap badges, and belts and all the other things than officers comment on when inspecting troupes; but he ignored the half-crowns.

Then, at the end of the parade, he stood in front of them; removed his monacle, flipped it in the air like a coin, and caught it in his eye, and said "right, do that you b*****ds".

That story has a certain Irish or Australian ring to it...

Dunno if this helps.

Ben

I believe unframed monocles may have the rim milled to allow for a better grip.

Thankyou. I was desperately fascinated with them for about half a day, now the urge has died down, but I still want to know more! The only stuff I could find on the internet was where to buy them, not quite what I wanted. I'll just ahve to look somewhere else I suppose.

GP

Nice story, Ben.
p.s.*RTR*

Thanks!

*RTR*?

B

Patrick Moore wears a monocle.

There - I've shared my entire knowledge of monocles with you.

I think Chris Eubank has been known to wear a monocle.

I'm sure A A Gill wears one.

Can anyone think of other famous monocle wearers?

Ken Dodd, and didn't Sherlock Holmes have one? Or am I thinking of his magnifying glass.

And there was a TV drama called 'The Monocled Mutineer' (I think) starring one of the many McGann brothers (Paul, I think).

Sherlock Holmes in a monocle, how dare you.

I suppose he may have donned one occasionally for the purpose of disguise.

Dr. Watson, perhaps?

p.s. *RTR* = Random Thread Revival

The photography writer Roger Hicks can usually be seen looking out of one next to some magazine article or other. With that and his beard it does lend a somewhat distinguished air to the fellow.

It features in some adverts for Tab Clear about a decade ago. Terrible drink, good adverts...

I'm pretty certain you have to be incredibly rich to be allowed to wear them.

They get issued once your bank balance reaches seven figures.

In that case, great uncle Bill has been hiding something from the rest of the family

I wonder what Richard Branson does with his. And how Macauley Culkin felt when he recieved it.

Branson probably does something incredibly dirty with it, but gets away with it because he's a fluffy beardy in a woolly sweater.

Culkin uses it to burn columns of ants, like any good kid.

I'm not sure if there _is_ anything incredibly dirty that one can do with a monocle. If he does, he atleast deserves some credit for imagination.

Umm, I'm sure there is. If you're *really* dirty.


A numbr of revolting possibles just floated across myb brain, but I shan't even bother to post them, the mods would have a field day.