h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

What if the staff at the restaraunt are both A) familiar with your type and B) too bloody-minded to pay any attention to your complaints?

If you are from New Jersey, you can invoke the Fear-of-Lawsuit response simply by existing. Other will have to rely on the Implied Threat. Try invoking the Implied Threat Fear-of-Lawsuit response in the following manner:
Ask for the manager. Stare in horror at food. Discuss possible diseases and mention that your life could be endangered by being in said establishment. Say, "What is your health rating and when was the last time you were inspected? What was the name of the inspector?" Remember to keep a reasonable and friendly tone while saying these things. Say things like, "I'd hate for other people to have to go through this experience!" If properly carried out, these actions should result in the manager thinking lawsuit and offering freebies, refunds, etc.

I've had great luck with getting free desserts by keeping my sense of humor, too. Say to the waiter (with a smile), "Hey, my food is taking longer than it did last week or any other time I've been here. Can you give us dessert for having waited so long? You know how good chocolate is for keeping us customers happy." It works more often than you would imagine.

But I'm not from New Jersey!

Not from New Jersy, eh? Oh, how VERY conveniant.

What's that supposed to mean? Is yourr 80's pop-culture status supposed to intimidate me?

No, it's not.
Anyway, I'm not part of any 80's pop culture. Just 90s punk. Do you see?

Mr. T is 80's pop culture. He was in "The A Team" and he had his own cartoon.
As this is your screen name, I will assume you have either A) a mohawk, B) large amounts of gold chains, or C) "anger issues". Am I right, wrong, or have I managed to upset you? If it is the last, I apologize. I seem to do that one a lot.

I'm well aware of the great Mr T's antics and his A-Team fame.
I however am BIG MAD Mr Twiglet and am therefore an entirely different thing all together.
(a) I don't have a mowhawk. Yet.
(b) I don't wear large gold chains.
(c) I'm probably the least angry person you can find.

www.darcsytes.demon.co.uk to get all 'T'ed up.

If you're not angry, how come the word "Mad" is in your name?

Ah, that's because 'Mad' means insane, which does not neccissarily (spelt incorrectly, I know) mean angry.