h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

... at least if you want me to speak to you again.

1. Those pretty orange things on your car at both the front and rear are INDICATORS. They INDICATE which way you are planning to move your car. They should be used on roundabouts to let people know whether you are continuing around it, or turning off at the next exit.

2. Do NOT stop on a main road to let someone out of a side road, especially during morning rush hour. Yes, it may be nice and give you a warm glow, but that glow is soon extinguished when you create a ten car pile-up.

3. If you're driving on the motorway DO NOT sit in the middle lane. Motorways do not have a slow, medium and fast lane. There is no cruise lane. If you're in the UK you must be the in the lestmost lane at ALL times, unless overtaking. Except on the M25, which brings me to my final point:

4. The M25: don't use it. Ever.

That's 4 things! Still, what did the Romans ever do for us? (except for roads of course).

Qualification:
Yes - don't STOP to let someone out of a side turning, but do let someone out of a side turning if you have to stop because the traffic in front of you has stopped.

Yes, well, I thought of the M25 thing at the last minute. It's true though ...

...and if someone does let you in - for God's sake say thank you.

It doesn't matter how - a little wave, a quick dance with your indicators (especially popular with lorries)anything...

...because one of these days someone's gonna get killed (oh too late)

Ian

Although not at the expense of smaking into someone whilst trying to thank them with a nice wave. I have let many people in only to see them very nearly trash my car as the swerved due to waving politely at me.

I have one comment to make. If you see some one wanting to turn in from a side junction never ever, on pain of death, let them in.

I was on my bike, the motorised kind, riding home from Uni. It was a rather long straight road, not a duel carrigway or anything, with several junctions on both sides. I got half way across this one turning and the van that was waiting there just pulled out. No warning, no "scuse me I want in", knocked me down, ran over the back end of the bike and drove off into the sunset. Pain in the BUTT, quite literally.

Any way, when the police turned up they found out that the van had last been taxed 4 years previously, so it was probably stolen. On top of that it was white.

Nuff said realy

I really get annoyed if people don't thank me for giving way when passing down a narrow road banked with cars either side.
I tend to memorise their cars and if I see them again I don't give way!!!
Its just plain rudeness.
I also love people on dual cariage ways and motorways who don't use their indicators oh and while we're on the subject of motorways I hate
lane hoppers and people who undertake they drive me mad!!!

Another few things not to do (especially on the A69 please!):

1. Drive 2 inches from the back of the car in front of you while doing over 70mph (in fact, at any speed over 2mph!) 2. Overtake on a single lane carriageway when there is no way to see anything travelling towards you on the other side of the road due to a bend/hill/dip in the road 3. play chicken with the oncoming cars while overtaking, before nipping in again at the last minute forcing every other car on the road to brake frantically to avoid a crash 4. overtake the car in front despite the fact that they are at the back of a 20 car line of traffic being forced to travel at 30mph due to a slow-moving lorry on aforementioned A69, and all that achieved was to become car number 19 in a 20 car line behind the slow-moving lorry.

wow, driving in the UK sounds alot like driving in Canada!
out here, though, signal lights are seen less frequently than passing star ships!

On the matter of those orang ethingies at the corners, you have missed the plot. Company cras have not been fitted with the switches for these for at least five years. You need to get your car fitted with the transcievers for the new telepathic indicators.

Or you could get an ex-company car, which has the additional advantages of being 15% faster in all gears, and carrying an exemption from all parking regulations.

If people undertake you, it is because YOU are in the wrong lane!!

If there is enough room for another car to pull in, drive past, and then pull in front of you, using the lane on your left, what the HELL are you doing in the lane on the right?!

It is not they who are at fault.....

Small point about undertaking - it should never be possible. In England, we drive on the left. If you are not actually about to pass somebody, you should be in the left hand lane. If you are not YOU ARE NOT PAYING ATTENTION!!! It becomes even more obvious that these people are in a little world of their own when, as they trundle merrily along the middle lane of an empty motorway you overtake them on the right (properly) and then swing over to the extreme left hand lane in front of them. The depressing thing is the view in the mirror as they fade into the distance, completely oblivious to the point you have just made, despite the fact that the next three drivers to pass them have done exactly the same thing.

Why is it that women drivers think that the inside lane has a 30mph sped limmit, the middle lane is 50mph and the outside lane is 70mph.
If they want.
So what do you find on the M25, ten year old cars usually Japanise in origin puttling along in the middle lane at a constant 50 mph. So what do you do, you could undertake (which eventually you may need and undertaker), or wait till the long q of cars file past, indicate and move to the middle lane, wait till the next que of cars file past and change to the outside lane. Then you discover you have missed your turnoff and have to drive another 5 miles to the next junction, usually to find on the M25 there has been an accident and you wait for eight hours till the road is clear.

When will they have indicators fitted, or is it a lack of skil on how to use them, or is it that you cannot operate the indicators and use the mobile phone without taking the hands off the wheel which could be dangerous

One comment on the M25 I have moved on it at 80MPH. Admittedly it was bumper to bumber and we did slow to a crawl at junction 18. Which was always the killjoy for me as I was trying to get to Kingston as ever, but I have seen it flow, on occasions.

If it was not for the M25 we would spend hours travelling round the South or North Circular. It is not too bad on the North Circular (A406) as this is a well made road complete with flyovers on the roundabouts. With the South Circular (A205) where just a jumble of roads are threaded together without the M25 this road would be solid.
The M25 junctions around Leatherhead, Dorking and Epsom at times are a total standstil, imaging the Motorway not there this would be transfered to the A205.
It is a pity that the "Speed Limit and Camera" system employed at the Heathrow part of the M25 cannot be extended to junction 1 to 5 Dartford to Clacket Lane wgere traffic is very slow moving.
It would be nice if more accidents could be avoided. Over the past few days there seems to be one every day on the M23, probably drivers distractred by Mobile phones

I disagree. There are many times on our crowded motorways where all 3 lanes of traffic are moving at similar speeds, but with a marginal difference in speed between the lanes. Safe drivers leave a good stopping distance in front.

Selfish drivers (like those in a long queue on a single carriage road that leapfrog regardless of everyone else's safety) take advantage of this by switching lanes and undertaking.

There is no reason why a safe driver in the middle lane should be forced to move to the left just so that an impatient driver can move up to harass the car in front instead!!

Why don't they change its name to "The London Orbital Car Park" and have done with it.

Well that's waht the locals already call it. Once the OED recognises it no doubt the title will become official.