h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Buses in Bristol, UK - A2315602
Author: Dave Shoare - U599405

Dave originally submitted this into PR a while back, and after a bit of a hiatus it's back, substantially re-written and looking vastly improved on the original if you ask me.

Just as a new intro...

I have indeed done a lot of work on this over a long time, and I hope that it shall soon become EG worthy. I know this may be about a very obscure subject, but is that not the nature of h2g2?

Well, for my money, it feels like exactly the sort of thing Douglas Adams might have had in mind when he set the Guide up... useful local information, written by people who live there

Gosh, it's been quiet since it got put back on here. although, it's only been about 18 hours...

laaaa laa la laaaaa...

Hi Dave

Still waiting in PR then? yeah me too, the strange limbo existance!
A few comments below.

>>On Bristol buses, there is a very extensive network of routes
....drop the comma it's not needed, although I'd be tempted to change it to: "The bus network in Bristol is extensive, you can get almost anywhere/to all the useful places; the City Centre, Broadmead,and the Coach station, from there you can travel to anywhere in the country...etc"

Maybe you might want to separate the (rightfully?) moany part . Oh, and the problem is "for some people" not "with" them, well it might be cause by the people!
>>Some of them can be late. Really late. Some have waited for hours, for buses that are supposed to have frequencies of 15 to 20 minutes
...Use of "some" changes, initially it's the buses, then the people, unless it is the buses that do the waiting.

>> You would also want to know that the service is decreased on weekends and public holidays, so check the times before you go
...hmm, who are you writing for? maybe add some humour, halve the length and combine with previous sentance.

>>chunks of local newspaper The Evening Post have been devoted to this in the past.
...this isn't in english, either insert "the" or a comma.

>>quid is a bit colloquial, by all means use it, but by sure to footnote define/link to a definition.

>>which is until 9 in the morning
...9am

The bus driver's part could be tightened up a bit, the Stars in Your Eyes fact is quite funny so maybe you could put it much earlier in the paragraphy rather than burying it near the end.
How about:
"Bus Drivers in Bristol are, despite impressions to the contrary, really good people. They speak a Bristolian dialect of English, ...., and have even appeared on "Stars in Your Eyes" singing to an audience of thousands. Outwardly grumpy behavior is the result of ....., and like many public service personnel have been forced to develop an almost Vogonic "thick skin" against the irritations/complaints/moanings of delayed passengers."

I think the content is great, a fine job, and you just need a bit of spit and polish for a certain EG entry.

I think you just need to apply a bit more 'punch', if that makes any sense. You do seem to ramble just a teeny bit! E.g.

>some people living in the areas around the borders are having a bit of a dispute as to where the borders between Zone 1 and 2 actually are, and have caused many an arguement between bus drivers and passengers. However, using the listings and signs that the bus company gives should be fine. This is not for everyone, though. You can get....

How about: 'The border areas between Zones can often be the cause of dispute, despite the fact that they are clearly marked both on the stops and in the timetables'? Try to read through your entry and see where where you're talking around the point when you should be getting to it.

I think maybe you could explain the tickets under just one header as a bulleted list - this is the part of the entry that you seem to ramble the most in and it might help you to keep to the most important points. It would look pretty good, too

A quick note on the style; take out the 's and put a at the start and a at the end of every paragraph. Take out the align tags as well, you'll find you don't need them.

I know you've done a lot of work, Dave, and don't be put off by this. You've got the bones of a great entry here, and I'll keep stopping by to see if I can be any more help!

Good work, Dave!

Hi,

Today's update has some bits and bobs that I have tweaked, but I will be back to do some more.

I hope the styling looks better, I'm still a bit rusty with my GuideML but I think it looks okay.

All paragraphs should be enclosed with .... tags

"Owned and ran" - owned and run

"who have an extensive empire of bus and train services in the UK, and they operate"
'who have an extensive empire of bus and train services in the UK and who operate'

"The only other plausible alternative"
You can drop the word 'plausible' because you then go on to explain why a car isn't plausible for so many bus-riding Bristolians.

"there is a very extensive network"
Extensive is one of those words that doesn't need a qualifier like 'very' - something is either extensive or it isn't. True, you can have degrees of extensiveness, but the word on its own conveys all the meaning it needs to.

"the City Centre and Broadmead is the hub"
That's one place is it?

"The most important thing you would need to know about on Bristol buses are tickets"
That's rather a non-sequitur, coming at the end of a paragraph about the lateness of the buses. How about making it into its own paragraph?


Scout

Dave?? Have you Elvised?

The author does seem to be gone, but I think what's left is well within the range of what a sub-ed can handle.


Mikey

Your Guide Entry has just been picked from Peer Review by one of our Scouts, and is now heading off into the Editorial Process, which ends with publication in the Edited Guide. We've therefore moved this Review Conversation out of Peer Review and to the entry itself.

If you'd like to know what happens now, check out the page on 'What Happens after your Entry has been Recommended?' at EditedGuide-Process. We hope this explains everything.

Thanks for contributing to the Edited Guide!

on ice until dave comes back....

Yikes! I've just got the email. I have not been paying attention to this for ages, I've had millions of other things to do.

Well, er, thanks very much!!

I'm kinda confused, where does my input go now?

A copy of your entry will be created and allocated to a <./>SubEditor</.> who will give it a little polish where necessary and once finished it will go into the Edited Guide, and on the day when that happenes it will be 'published' on the front page of h2g2.

Your original version remains yours to do what you want with, but if you want any changes to be made to the version that goes into the EG, then you'll need to ask the Sub to do it.

Generally speaking, the Sub-Editors tend to get in touch and work with the authors of the entry they're working on.

Hope that helps - anything else you'd like explained, give me a shout.

You might want to edit some of the prices as the sodding bus company have gone and raised them (again). Off Peak day tickets are £3, dunno what peak ones are now but just put down around £3.50.

Pretty annoying I know but hey...

The new copy of your entry is here Dave A3682433

The entry data box in the top right hand corner will tell you who the SubEd is, and you can contact them directly at their Personal Space if you get no response here

No no I'm here...I am your subeditor!

As you have so neatly just pointed out yourself, prices are always changing, which means that they aren't generally put on H2, so I haven't started doing anything with this just yet.

However this should be finished by this weekend.

Kats