h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Grand Rapids,MI,US - A63151823
Author: Shagbark - U170775

A Flea market rescue.

Hi Shagbark, seems to be a pretty comprehensive guide, nicely done.
The sub-header:- Places that are actually worthwhile
looks and reads wrong somehow. Perhaps lose it altogether as the one above is about Tourist spots and rephrase the paragraph under it with

*Another place of interest.....*

Apart from that, looks good.

The original authors put that there. I think I will just drop it.

This looks like a good rescue Shagbark - it reads well - it has a nice chatty feeling, which I like


Please could you cut and paste the original A number from the Flea market, and the Peer Review thread that went with it?. Stick them in a reply here in this PR thread.


Thanks

I had the number in my PS
here it is
Grand Rapids A3670210

It was in writing workshop at
F2022720?thread=593437 before the flea market.

Yes, A fine rescue indeed, SB!

I noticed that your list of Grand Rapidssss, there is an inconsistent use of commas and spaces following the cities' names.

There's a lot of contemprary and current information, which is good, but you may want to add a line like "at this writing" when you get into details like: Steel Case, an office furniture company still has Grand Rapids factories, but they've been doing rather a lot of downsizing.

These things change to Rapidly (sorry about that) to expect the entry to have long term value if nobody is regularly updating it.

Good rescue!

"First off one should make sure this is the right city. This is not

Grand Rapids North Dakota, US (Population 89)
Grand Rapids,Manitoba,Canada (population 409)
Grand Rapids,Ohio,US (population 990)
Grand Rapids,Minnesota,US (population 8,233)"

None of these sound like cities. villages or towns at best.

"Some of The Major attractions of Grand Rapids include:
Further Proof That Grand Rapids is The Land of Amway:"

Are these subheaders that you've rearranged? There shouldn't be capital letters here.

"Another big landmark is the Amway Grand Plaza hotel, the city's most expensive, and therefor best, hotel."

You need an e on 'therefore'. I also don't agree that most expensive is the same as the best. You may also need to be careful of such judgements - this is the BBC after all.

"The main streets that define the East Town neighborhood are Lake Drive and Wealthy."

Weatly what? Wealthy Street? Wealthy Avenue? (As an aside, who chose that as a name? Wow!)

"In fact, a lot of the Grand Rapids area's" -> areas'

I looked up the street on Google- It ids Wealthy street
also the tagline "Land of Amway" seems to have gone out of fashion now that the firm has been renamed (Quixar).

On second check Quixtar was renamed Amway Global.
so that's that.
do we need a section on Weather?

something like perhaps
Afternoon temperatures in July range between xx and xx°F (2x-2x°C), morning lows around xx°F (1x°C). These highs drop quickly during September and October; early morning temperatures in midwinter fall to between −8 and −12°C.
due to its proximity to Lake Michigan Grand Rapids has lake effect snows in the winter giving it more snow than cities Like Lansing or Detroit. A normal snowfall in winter may range from xx to XX.

After a quick visit to the National Weather service
I came away with
During Winter snow depths for 24 hrs may range from 4"to 2 Ft
January High temps run from 29 to 48 F
morning lows -6 to 15 F
July High temp run from 82 to 93 F
with morning lows 48 to 60 F

I'm running this into an offline page for editing and then will put into article.

done.

Might you want to add some spaces after the commas in the title?

O K commas added

This is shaping up very nicely Shagbark

There are just a couple of Americanisms


airplanes -----> Either aeroplanes OR aircraft.
Personally I prefer the word aircraft in this particular sentence.


First off -----> Firstly




Grand Rapids has [lake effect snows] in the winter


Generally very well done indeed!



I'd love to see a footnote explaining why this extra snow falls here, it's not a term I am familiar with.

In footnote 4, where you have the link to LEED - do you think it might be better to lose the last bit of the sentence

[See also the USGBC site.]

and have the link on the [LEED] in the text itself?

got those done. since you don't want airplanes
I changed it to aircraft.
I wonder however if the word "trucks" would be considered and americanism.

no I'm sure trucks is okay

...waits for a sub-editor to tell me otherwise.

Hmm I'd probably change trucks to "lorries" but I may not be the sub-ed.

GB
<./>SubEditors</.>