h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Shakes his head. Dear dear me. Head falls off. Elvis crawls out of head cavity. Crowd waits expectantly for Elvis' 1st words.

"Wowbagger give me back my Blue Suede Shoes you Aussie b......."

Trips. She forgot how long ago those tap lessons were.
Looks around. Meatloaf is gone.

Does the time warp. It doesn't work, she's still here.

So she catches the next slow boat to China and.......

...takes a jump to the left and a step to the right...

....put your hands on your hips... and bring your knees in tight....

Do the pelvic thruuuuuuuuust....it'll drive you insa a a a ane!

Well I was walking down the street just having a think.....
When this snake of a guy gave me an evil wink
He shook me up, he took me by surprise
He had a pickup truck, and the devil's eyes....
He stared at me and I felt a change...
Time meant nothing, never would again....

Everybody now....

FLASH!!! AAAAAaaaaaAAAAAAHHHH!!! He'll save ev'ryoneofus!!!

...do the hoky toky, shake it all about, make a snake, weave about, crowd goes wild...

*Falls over because she is so overwhelmed*

*2 little boys had 2 little toys,
Each had a wooden horse*

...who both possessed an incurable thirst but were miraculously immune to termites...

Tch! Skip my verse, will you?

It's astounding... Time is fleeting...
Madness... takes its toll.
But listen closely... (Not for very much longer!)
I've got to keep control.

I remember... doin' the Time Warp
Drinking those moments when
The blackness would hit me
And the Void would be calling

Let's do the Time Warp again!

So they rode off into the sunset and where never seen again!

But hark!!

Who is that coming over the horizon. Surely not the 2 Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

That 3rd figure could be the narrator or a mystical beast who.....

...everyone thought was extinct, most notably Kirk McLurkland, librarian and part-time adventurer, who...

....accidentally stumbled into a conversation he was sure to regret. And then the confusion and chaos came hand in hand when he realised....

... he was on the Jerry Springer episode "Neo-Nazi, Cross-dressing, Midget Pornstars. And they want your boyfriend!".

Columbia: "I'm a New York City girl! It's a little too quiet around here for me!"

"Fear not, Columbia!" shouted Kirk, grabbing a tire iron and sawed-off shotgun from the recesses of his overcoat. "There'll be plenty of noise when I show these Nazi perverts what for!" Meanwhile,

...in a tea house in Tibet...