h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

What's breaking continuity is specifying damage to someone else's character as she just did. Since you didn't know Toniku's immune to that, being a Final Boss, I'll say it's okay, but --



Let's get ON with it! Somebody needs to fix Zero, --



Look, Mackenzie, that's kinda annoying.



So? I might as well have /some/ dialogue.



You're not helping here!!



Fine, fine, I'll go harass someone else.

Oh all /right/ then. My bad, and all that. But can we just assume at least that some HP were taken with the summon?

Jade: When is this guy gonna keel?

Thras: You know? I was wondering that myself...?

{Thrasymachus special attack: Razor Claw}

*Thras's claws shoot out of his paw-thingys, hitting the Toniku in the right foot. Toniku can be heard quietly saying "Hey, ow, that hurt," or something to that effect*

Jade: Right on, Dragonboy...

He doesn't have any feet. Just one big tail.

* the Penguin casts a spell that makes a large lump of iron (about a cubic metre) fall on Toniku's head *

Besides, Jade, his only weak point is on his head, as Bass demonstrated.


[A rather amusing expression crosses Toniku's face for a brief moment. He knocks the lump of iron off his head (which is about twice as big) with his hand, which sends Bass flying. Bass crashes to the ground.]

[Bass] OUCH! Okay, no more Mr. Nice Guy!

[[Summon: Treble]]

[Treble teleports in. He and Bass jump into the air towards each other. They collide. There's a huge flash of light. It clears, and Bass has been given a black-and-purple color scheme instead of a black-and-orange one. Also, he has grown wings. And he's hovering at least ten feet. Remember?]

[[Bass and Treble transform into Magna Bass.]]

[YC experamentally uses the Pick-Me-Up (Remember that?) on Zero. Zero's HP is fully restored.]

[Zero] Great. Eep.

[Zero jumps to avoid another swat and then gets on the hand. Toniku raises his hand to his face. Zero attacks Toniku's head with his Z-Saber.]

[Toniku] Ouch. [flick]

[Zero goes flying and grabs onto Bass's leg. Bass, unable to support Zero's weight as well as his own, falls.]

[Bass and Zero] G'HAAAAA! [crash]

* MaW and the Penguin combine their powers to make an even larger lump of iron, except this one is travelling downwards at nearly a hundred miles per hour when it appears, and reaches nearly one hundred and twenty by the time it hits Toniku's head *

[Penguin] That's gotta hurt.

[MaW *wincing*] Yup

[Toniku] I tire of this!

[[Ultima]]

[A sphere of blue energy appears and expands until it hits all Good Guys, whereupon it vanishes with a white flash of light and a KASPOING! sound effect. This of course does massive damage to all party members. But still not enough to knock out anyone other than ... oh, MaW, Zero, YQ, and Thras.]

* the Penguin brushes himself off, looking a little battered and worse for wear, and shakes his flipper at Toniku *

[Penguin] You're tired? _You're_ tired? How tired do you think we are, having to fight stupid boss monsters every step of the way? You know we're going to win anyway, so you might as well just save yourself the pain and be done with it. See how tired you are of this!

* he raises his flippers and a bar of pure white light, liquid fire, brighter than the heart of the brightest star, shoots out to Toniku's head, growing rapidly in size until the Penguin seems little more than a dimmer point at the origin of the beam. Thunder rolls through the room with its appearance, and waves of hot air flow over the other characters. In moments, the beam is gone, and the Penguin is sprawled unmoving on the floor *

Hint: That's seriously dangerous to the target...

[Toniku] Wait! I can't take damage until I know the name of the spell!

[YC] Try "Mega-Bolt".

[Toniku] Fine. NO WAIT~!

[[Mega-Bolt]]

[Toniku takes enough damage to conquer Kansas. The screen flashes, and then Toniku begins to glow bright green.]

[Toniku] You can't keep the Pendant forever!

[The green becomes seriously bright.]

[Toniku] You, too, will fall under its curse!

[The green becomes opaque.]

[Toniku] Oh, wait -- /I'm/ the curse.

[He begins to sound juddery, and the green stars blurring at the edges.]

[Toniku] BuT rEmEmBeR ... yOu CaNnOt HiDe FrOm ThE cUrSe ... YoU cAnNoT hIdE fRoM fAaAaAaAAAAATE!!!!!

[The green thing explodes with a tremendous light.]

Jade: ...So is it dead now...?

[MaW] Mega Bolt? Puleeaasee.

* he revives the Penguin *

[Penguin] Did it work?

[MaW] Yes

[Penguin] Good. Can I go to bed now?

[MaW] Yes

[Penguin] Fantastic!

* MaW casts Improved Bed on the Penguin *

[YC] Well, it worked. Can we get out of here and end this senseless thread??

* the Penguin wakes up and gets out of bed *

[Penguin] Sure. I could do with some food.

[MaW] Me too. Anyone want to come eat at the Ministry of Magecraft?

Jade: You make the thread and I'll be there, honey.

Thras: Ditto, but minus the flagrant use of pet names.

* a forum portal opens, and MaW and the Penguin step through it * http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/F20578?thread=152313&post=1490683#p1490683

[YK's various characters teleport away]