h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[Penguin] Why don't we just leave him here? In small pieces?

[None of YK's characters react to this. Zero shrugs and turns Bass back on.]

[Bass] Don't do that again.

[YC] Sorry. [to the others] /And/ I gave him an "off switch"!

Jade: Then leave himm off. *sips *

Thras: Yeah. *blows bubbles in his milk*

[MaW] I go with Jade.

[Penguin] Me too.

[MaW] Who asked you?

[Penguin] I did.

[Bass] [raising his buster cannon] Just try it.

[YQ] Still, he /is/ kinda useful.

[Penguin] (impudently) What for?

[MaW] Be quiet

[Penguin] Why?

[YC] [to the Penguin] Do you really want to get into a fight?

Thras: *blowing bubbles in his milk* I rather like the penguin.

Jade: *sip* As do I. He's cute. but anyway. YC, I thought you said BASS was reprogrammed. He still seems rather of a bad temper.

[Bass] Just because I'm on your side doesn't mean I have to be as cheery as you two. I'm probably a little bit resentful at being modified like that. But, it's probably just as well.

[Penguin] Why?

[Bass] Okay, you're starting to make it official: you /do/ want to get into a fight.

Thras: Penguin, for your own sake, you might want to shut up. here, I'll get you a chocolate milk, kay? *he flags down the Servinglady*

Servinglady: yes dear?

Thras: A chocolate milk for my talkative friend here.

Servinglady: The Penguin?

Thras: Yes, the Penguin.

Servinglady: Okay! *she bustles off to the kitckens to get it for him*

Jade: That's just like you Thras. Always using food to keep out of a bad situation. *sipsip*

[YC] Go with what works, I guess.

* the penguin drinks his chocolate milk quite happily *

[MaW] I didn't know he liked chocolate milk. I shall have to remember that.

* the penguin gives MaW an evil look *

[MaW] Don't stare. It's rude.

[YQ] Great work, Thras! You averted an almost certainly lethal boss fight!

[Bass] What, lethal even with me here?

[YC] ESPECIALLY with you here!

[Zero] What's this inn doing in the middle of an ancient temple?

[Bass] Messing with our minds. What else?

Thras: *leaps atop Jade's head and takes a bow* Thank you, thank you... *grins, hops back down to Jade's shoulder and continues sipping his chocolate milk*

Jade: *pats Thras on the head* Yes, dear, good job. *sip* Now then, Zero, you asked what the temple was doing here, and I think I've figured it out. Not only is it messing with our heads, as Bass said, it's very existance is completely disrupting the entire natural order of the RPG temple which we were in.

Thras: Whaddya mean?

Jade: The Inn, in every right, shouldn't be here at all and--

Servinglady: *comes up grinning and carrying a fresh tray of drinks for everyone* That's what my John said too, dearie. "It en't a good idea to put an inn in that ancient temple," he said, but I says to him, I says, "John, there's bound to be tired an' weary adventurers commin' in all the time, so it would be a rather good idea, I think. Now eat your porrige." an' he did, an so I built my little Inn. *she smiles and begins passing out drinks* Now can I get anoyone anything to eat, then? I'm sure you're all famished.

No fair! You came up with a reasonably rational explaination!

Not really. Who would be mad enough to think of the idea in the first place? Besides, she could be lying.


[MaW] I think it's most conveniently situated.

[Penguin] So do I.

[YC] Great. So when do we encounter the thing behind the kobolds?

[SFX: Tremendous rumbling. Also, the entire building begins to shake.]

[YQ] Ah, yes, that would probably be it.

[Penguin] Now's the time I leave. Goodbye!

[MaW] Hang on a sec, can't you stay and help?

* the penguin thinks *

[Penguin] Oh, all right, but I want another chocolate milk when this is over, okay?

[MaW] Fine.

[Penguin] Right, I suppose we should go somewhere safer...

* he teleports them all outside the inn, which promptly collapses *