h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

No, it was Chupon who summoned Gilgamesh to kill them. Chupon /isn't/ on our side.

Who's Chupon?

Chupon's the Boss we were just fighting not five posts ago, you noron!

Really? Did you say that? I remember you describing him, but not saying what his name was.

*from far behind them Jade can be hears screaming "Smiling chicken! Hahahahahahahaha!" and other such nonsense*

Thras: Can we just kill the stupid thing and get after Jade? She's getting farther and farther away as we speak!!!!

*summon Genkigenkirukirukimunkimunki*

*monkeys pop out of nowhere, beat about Chowhoever and Gilgamesh with very large babannas, and pop back out of reality*

Thras: Come on, guys...! Attack them or something! It's getting worse, she's talking about ponies!!!

[MaW] What's wrong with ponies?

[Penguin] I quite like ponies. Roasted, with onions.

[MaW] Yes, well we don't want to hear about that.

[Chupon] Fungahhh!

[Chupon closes the doors to the chamber, blocking the party off from him]

[YC] [tries the doors] He's locked it! Damn. Let's go get Jade!

* the penguin examines one of the doors carefully *

[MaW] What are you doing?

[Penguin] I'm trying to work out how to open the doors

[MaW] Don't bother. Let's go get Jade first.

[Penguin] Okay

[They chase after Jade. They find her in what is unquestionably the throne room. A green-skinned monster in white robes is sitting in the large throne. He's obviously the Demon Lord.]

[Demon Lord] [deep, booming voice] Infidels! You dare to steal the Pedant's Pendant and disturb Osmond the Great??

[YC] "Osmond the Great"? Are you Ozzie from Chrono Trigger??

[Ozzie] [suddenly not quite so deep and booming] Uh, er, yeah, I guess so. Er, begone!

[Bass] Oh, great. We have to fight an Idiotic Recurring Villain. [levels his buster cannon] How delightful.

[Ozzie] Ha! You won't be able to defeat me!

[Begin FINAL-ISH BATTLE music: the Big Boss theme from Super Mario RPG.]

* MaW and the Penguin adopt battle posture - casually leaning against the wall with one hand ready to cast spells. The other is available for immediate placing of into mouth *

* the Penguin eats some and some *

* MaW casts Fireshield (Red) on the entire group of heroes. They all become surrounded by a ring of red flame, which provides protection from all fire-based attacks for a limited period of time, and causes burns to anyone stupid enough to come close enough to try and hit you. It also does bad things to arrows and other flammable, relatively slow-moving projectiles that try and fly through it *

* the Penguin swallows the , pulls out a spellbook and starts flipping through the pages, muttering to himself *

*Jade runs about doing pirrouettes and singing "Datte Datte"*

Thras: *sighs* Honestly... *He flies up to the "king" and slashes him in the face a few times, leaving lots of lovely red scratchmarks.*

{300 HP}

[[Ice3]]

[YQ freezes Ozzie.]

[[Summon: Mr. T]]

[YC summons him.]

[Mr.T] I'm gonna teach this sucka a lesson!

[Mr. T punches Ozzie.]

[Ozzie] Ouch!

[[Ice Bert]]

[A blizzard attacks the heroes and tries to cancel itself out with the fire.]

* the fire shields are diminished almost to the point of not being there anymore *

* the penguin closes the spell book and raises a flipper imperiously *

* Penguin casts Agadoo *

* "Agadoo" begins to play, clashing horribly with the boss music. Its horribly infectious joyful tones are forced upon the spell's target, distracting him with trying to stop himself humming along *

* MaW casts Deafness on the heroes to protect them from the Agadoo spell *

[Ozzie starts yelling and spinning around in circles.]

[YC] [using Martian sign language -- which is understandable by ANYONE.]

* MaW uses telepathy to send his response *

[MaW (telepathically)] Yes, I think that's what happened.

[Penguin (telepathically and smugly)] Of course that's what happened

[MaW (telepathically)] Oh shut up and stop the music so I can take off this deafness spell

* the penguin stops casting Agadoo. MaW dispels the Deafness spell *

[MaW] Ah, that's better.

[Ozzie hits himself in the face]

[Ozzie] All right! That's it! Now I'm mad! Uh ...

[YC] You need to wait your turn.

[[Antipode Also]]

[YC and YQ cast Firaga and Ice3 on Ozzie.]

Thras: Isn't this thing dead /yet/?

{Summon Gobldeygook}

*a large shapeless blue blob falls from the ceiling on top of Ozzie. He is covered in blue goo. The blue goo freezes from the Antipode also attack and Ozzie is frozen in a block of rock hard translucent blue goo.*

Thras: Kill him quickly. We're going to loose Jade if she goes much farther!

* MaW and the Penguin cast the same spell, creating two infinitely sharp blades that slice the frozen block of boss monster into precisely equal thirds *

[It takes a lot of HP from Ozzie, but he still has a bunch.]

[Ozzie] Grr! Eat pie!

[[Pie Attack]]

[A thousand pies fly through the room, knocking over the party members.]

* MaW brushes pie from his front and scowls at Ozzie *

[MaW] You're not going to get away with that!

* he launches a fireball the size of an obese elephant at Ozzie *