h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[...under the weight of a giant monster with green wings, firey breath, lizard eyes, and a waistcoat and pocketwatch.]

[Jabberwock] Oh! Poop. I thought I'd gotten you in there!

[Begin boss battle: Jade, Thras, MaW, YC, YQ, and Zero against Jabberwock.]

[Zero switches places with Bass, who is now in the battle, in the style of FF10. Then, YQ switches places with the penguin.]

[[Summon: Mr. T]]

[YC summons Mr. T.]

[Mr. T] I'm gonna teach this sucka a lesson ...

[[Pity the Foo']]

[Mr. T punches the Jabberwock. Hard. As in, "2124 points of damage done" hard.]

* the penguin thanks Zero for letting him have a go at the Jabberwock, then looks over at MaW *

[Penguin] Ideas?

[MaW] I know a good spell

* he leans over and whispers to the penguin, who nods *

[Penguin] I _like_ that idea! Let's go! Incantum, Shera, Comm!


"Incantum, Shera, Comm!" is meaningless, the penguins use it instead of "One, Two, Three!" when casting spells together, so they all know when to start. "One, Two, Three!" would also work, but it doesn't sound as mysterious


* MaW and the Penguin both cast the same spell, which manifests itself as a ball of light. Their two balls merge and expand, engulfing the Jabberwock *

[MaW] Let's see how well it deals with that!

[Penguin] Yeah! Take that, Jabberwock!

* MaW and Penguin have cast Extra Itch on the Jabberwock. Jabberwock must save vs spell or suffer from severe itching all over *

I thought the charm in it was that it was a mad idea. The woman was quite mad, and we would have found that out if we'd stayed longer. As it is, she is now dead, so it doesn't really matter. Ah well, no I have fun.

Jade: *Xena war cry* YiYiYi!!! Summon Noelle!

{Noelle}
*Noelle appears, dancing about, ballet style. She hops calmly up to the Jabberwock and blows him a kiss, then dances about in a circle singing "tenshi, tenshi ka-ten-ten-shi!" about 42,000 times. She then waves byebye and dissapears in a puff of logic, giving the Jabberwock about 1,420 points of damage*

Jade: I love that summon... *sigh*

* MaW and the Penguin exchange looks *

[MaW] Ours was much better.

[Penguin] Oh yeah.

[The Jabberwock now has the "Itch" status ailment doubled, causing it to lose 20% of its max HP each turn. As it is, it's now down to 4456 HP, which is about ... 55.7% its max HP (8000), which means that it won't be around much longer. It casts "Antipode Also" on everyone, for an average of 1042 all around.]

Jade: *gets hit with Antipode Also* Ow. *

Thras: *to MaW and the Penguin* Was not...!

Jade: Yeah. My Noelle summon is so devistatingly kawaii (cute) that it's blow your light balls out of the water!

Thras: Balls! Hahahahahahaaaaaaaahhhhh!!

Jade: ??? *gets it* Hahahahahaaaahhhh! *stops laughing abruptly* Anyone for a Nostrum?

[Bass] Well, we'd all have to use the items individually. No more than one item per party member per turn.

[[Fire2]]

[Bass blasts the Jabberwock with fire]

[Jabberwock] Yeowtch! Seafood soup!

[Bass] What!?

[YC] Let's start using fire-elemental attacks. I think I know who this is.

[[Firaga]]

[YC blasts the Jabberwock with an even bigger burst of fire, bringing it down to 2000 HP. Also, its costume falls off, revealling Ultros]

[Ultros] Uwee hee hee ... Game over! Don't tease the octopus, kids!

[The inn "collapses" in reverse. It looks like someone played a video of it collapsing backwards. Nobody inside it appears to be hurt.]

[Zero] [off] The hell ...?

* MaW and the Penguin cast Sunstrike on Ultros *


Sunstrike causes the area around the target to erupt in flame, causing large amounts of firey hotness

[Ultros] Yaooooooch! Seafood soup! Hot hot hot hot! [runs away]

[Victory! Gained: 2 Gil and 0 Exp.]

[Ultros] Yaooooooch! Seafood soup! Hot hot hot hot! [runs away]

[Victory! Gained: 2 Gil and 0 Exp.]

[MaW] 2 Gil? 0 Exp? That's not fair!

[YC] Well, that /is/ Ultros.

[YQ] I'd be surprised if we got /more/ than that.

Jade: 2 gil? How do we split that six... or is it seven...? Ways? How am I ever going to afford my Minerva band...? *eyes shine in a decidedly anime-esque manner*

Thras: *sigh*

[YC] Well, now it's up to 8 party members.

[Zero] Hmmm ... How much is Gil in Zennies?

[YQ] Twelve. Or seven. I dunno, I forget. Anyway, we need to figure out what that monster is that was behind the kobolds.

[A Rancor (you've seen Return of the Jedi, right?) lumbers up behind YQ. He's the only one who doesn't see it.]

[YQ] What?? [pause] There's something /bad/ behind me, isn't there.

[YC] Can't we have ONE boss battle that isn't immediately followed by another??

[Rancor] Sorry. I'll be at the end of that passageway when you're ready. [lumbers away]

* the penguin wiggles a flipper, and creepers suddenly start growing out of the floor, wrapping around the rancor's legs. The rancor falls over *

[Penguin] Now we don't have to have the boss battle at all.

* he waddles off cheerfully. MaW sighs, shrugs, and follows *

Where's the penguin going? The only other way out of the area besides going into the inn is back the way we came, and there's no point to that.

Down the passageway the rancor mentioned. I assumed that was where we were supposed to go next, since it said it would wait for us there.

Ah, all right.

And I expect since no one's advanced the storyline after this you're expecting me to hop in and say something witty and cute...?

*Jade skips behind the Penguin and MaW, hummng quietly to herself*

[The party arives in a vast, blue chamber. A dark, cloaked figure is playing "Dancing Mad: Tier 3" from Final Fantasy 6 on an enormous pipe organ.]

[Bass] Who're you??

[The dark figure changes it to Tier 5. On the crescendo, he spins around, revealing ... Seigfried from Final Fantasy 6.]

[Seigfried] Uh, hi. Did you meet Ultros?