h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

What is being said is outside of brackets, things in brackets are thought rather than said so only psychic assasins can act on it.

The players of other assasins can read them for entertainment purposes - think edwin from Baldurs gate


Well it seems that I am now an MP. (Step 1 gain power, step 2 abuse power) I am told by reliable sources (Anthea) that this is some sort of military police title, since this is the case I have decided to head an internal affairs division. (More power to me)

This office is only superceded by Natai because he is the Head MP (and is never around anyway) and Anthea because she is the Head honcho (and could close down this operation without breaking into a sweat. Anyone else caught undermining the guild will be burned. Or maybe just told off severely. (Or with any luck demoted leaving more space in the upper ranks for cheif inquisitors)

I have run into a lot of counter guild activites (Wonko) - some guild members (Wonko) have actively protected contractual targets of the guild (Wonko). However it has been commented that I lack the power and authority to do anything about this. (Needs more power to me) Realising there is corruption in the guild there is only one possible solution:

WITCH HUNT! (WONKO HUNT) We need to catch anyone doing anything that even slightly undermines the guild and burn them. People only have immunity if Anthea actively grants it, as in the TA/Thingite conflict. Also being Anthea will be considered an adaquate defence against any accusations. As for anyone else - burn them

Potential inquisitors (minions) must be high in:

Faith in the guild. (Thus to me)
Zeal.
Maliciousness.
Ability to spot that someone is lying even when they are not. (Mmm unecassary persecution)

and low in:

Faith in anything else (Like we need the divided loyaly people here)
Mercy (Must not spare my enemies)
Weakness (Must be able to kill enemies)
Failures to execute people who deserve it, make good scapegoats or weigh the same as a duck.

Membership offers several benefits

You get to serve the guild, which may lead to promotions (I won't say who for)
(More importantly) you become immune to being inquisited
(And any assasin worth his salt sees an opportunity to create spaces above him/herself in the promotion roster when he/she sees them)

Apply within.

*applies within, stressing that he has in fact burnt many who weigh the same as a duck; they were all later discovered to be made of wood*

*steps out of shadows*
*is glad he is psychic*
*signs up*


~Skenvoy

*signs up*


*is glad that he has someone to interupt psycic stuff for him*

ok if you all think your up for the chalenge of keeping control
Acid in natai you are head MP
if he returns so be it
you are in charge of the MPs
you may find and apoint a maximum of 6 people as full mps and have some in training....
the brig is yours to control
i will increse the amount of full mps as the number of members goes up

well done acid ... i belive that the ducks have recently cleaned out the Brig after the squirrels. bear in mind that the brig is one of the doors inside the store ... so anythign you need is close at hand

Inquisitors have to think up to many clever questions so count me out. However I'll be waiting with instruments of torture when you need me. *wicked grin*

*Momentarily dizzied by sudden jump up the table*
(Aha, the more power to me part has already worked!)

Okay so who’s applied.

Skenvoy. Excellent, I was hoping you’d show up. I’m glad to put you straight in after the help you gave me earlier, even if it didn’t work out exactly as planned. (Also it helps to make sure the mind readers are on my side) Let it not be said I don’t repay favours.

*Declares Skenvoy MP*

Joe C. Well if they were made of wood they probably burned more easily, sounds like an efficient solution all round. It’s a shame that wood is unlikely to be committing any treachery around here. (Wood! Can you spell useful idiot?)

WIRO, excellent to have such a capable assassin apply. However I’m not sure that you could hold your position in the command structure and remain unbiased at the same time. (And there would be less higher ranking assasins to persecute) Still, exempting one incident you seem to have a good record. (Not to mention the uses of having someone with some influence on our glorious leader)

Scorpion Punch. I do not have time for the weak willed. Either you do the whole job or you do no job at all. (If he has the stomach for the torturing the rest should be easy) I suspect that once we know someone’s guilty, but can’t prove it, we are going to need your skills to extract a confession. After all it wouldn’t be fair to burn people without a confession. (And less fun too)

Hmm, I’m not sure who to accept. I think the fairest way (which has the best effort:gain ratio from my point of view) to do this is to set you a small challenge. Try to find something that makes one of the other applicants a bad choice – like them having opposed the guild in the past – if you do this your in. Otherwise its your job to persecute the bad choice – burn him or make his life hard enough and your in. If you are the bad choice – well, that’ll teach you to go against the guild.

Onto the work itself. I think there are two major things we need to achieve here. We need to vet new recruits (and gather anyone useful to us) and we need to weed out corruption in the organisation so far.

So far as new recruits go make sure they have no conflicting interests – if you doubt someone’s loyalty question (torture) them until they admit divided loyalties, quit the opposing organisation or pass out. We can’t tolerate any more divided loyalties.

For existing guild members we need to wait for them to oppose the guild as much as I’d like to prosecute crimes before the inquisition began (Wonko) there would be an endless list to deal with (And I really don’t want to have to look into the past) However if you suspect anyone of treachery or just plain being naughty send them to the brig where they can be interrogated.

Report any findings here.

F132717?thread=324290
i thought you could use this

Finding Dirt seems far to much like hard work, and you have after all noted the advantagpous parts of incolvoing me.

just a note ... teh "bad" incident where i went AWOL was not as it seems as bare in mind it was done wuite covertly and i came back having removed the squirrel, seagull and badger threat to the guild

Did Anthea know what you were doing? If so then I can use you. If not then while you were acting in the best interests of the guild there is a question mark over whether you will follow orders. This is essentail to (my attempts at world domintation) our coherance as a unit.

Okay, dirt diggings a little difficult, it could just be your all suitable. I'll need to see how good you are at your jobs. The three of you are in -provisionally-. Once you do something which helps weed out corruption in the guild your off probation BUT whomever is the last to acheive this will be considered to be harbouring treachary and becomes a target themselves.

(erm, in the blog of the brig ... tehre may be the reminants of a conspiricy where by anteha knew what i was doing)

sorry i cannot answer to wheter anteha knew about it

Hmm... so, can I use WIROs action as dirt against him...?

*thinks about a certain influence over a person that acid brought up earlier*

ah the inquisitions still going strong i see

Well, I have one extra MP and three others who might earn the title.

Nobodys been burned yet but if Atari keeps admitting to divided loyalties it might not be too long.

He really should have looked at this thread before stating that he follows the emperors orders before the guilds. I'm just trying to exact a definative confession by guile.

If that fails I suppose we get to try out the new torture chamber :D

am i allowed to be an MP whilst being SIC?

MP? SIC?