h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*is protected by Manowar*

*sets a nearby super ant on fire with his flame thrower, runs away as its flaming appendiges get close to him.*

*offers a nearbye winged ant some aphid nectar and agaric mushrooms*

'oos a good wickle anty den?

*mounts Giganticant and flies up, weilding a spear and dressed in full plate armour to do battle with the vogon ship*

Oh, yeah!


*dons the Moose's Robes, climes on his Testicycle and rides after Kitty*

*Hops on his Basalisk War Droid and flies up to do battle with the vile Vogons, launching several proton torpedoes on the way*

Yah!

*A Yuuzhan Vong heavy Battlecruiser enters orbit and its fighter escort intercept HDS's proton torpedoes with artificial singularities. The Skips (fighters) open fire on HDS and Ralph*

To Vogon Forces, I suggest an Alliance. Do you accept?

*HDS dodges a Skip and fires off his forward lasers at one of the ships*

Bloody Where did they come from?

*Werekitty utters a horrifying battle shriek, and, tail and hair fluttering in the wind stands on the ginganicant and throws her spear deep into the bottom of the yellow brick like ship, then draws a stupidly large zweihander from a sheathe on her back and hacks a hole in the side of the ship*

*looks around before firing the ball-bearing launchers at the skips*

*Ball bearings fly through the air towards the skips, hoping for someone else to fire too*

*leaps into the ship from her Insect-steed and knocks down her visor*

For honour and glory!

*she slashes about with the zweihander*


<guess who's been watching conan the barbarian

< not me>

*starts hurling cuddly toys at the enemy*

To Yutzan Vong forces, we accept for now...

*Fifty large vogons waddle in to attack the attacking werekitty.*
RESISTANCE IIIIISS USELESS!

*The torpedoes and lasers just bounce off the ineffable yellow brickness of the vogon ship.*

*The cuddly toys cause terrible ship-wracking explosions throughout*

*Shuttles emerge from the ship and hit the ground, vogons armed with kill-o-zaps pour out*

*HDS ignites his jet pack and lands on the ship, firing his blasters at the Vogons as he lands. The Basalisk War Droid flies off into a circling pattern, firing its lasers and snapping its pincers at the Vogons whenever it gets close*

*Werekitty laughs mightily before beheading a vogon, the light shining of her steel breast plate, greaves and gauntlets in a dashing way*

You can never succeed! I have a big sword and awesomely shiny armour. And I'm just cooler than you green slime creatures!

*further dismemberment occurs between poses*

*HDS's blaster shots vaporize chests and explode heads of the Vogons, HDS sets one on fire with his gauntlet mounted flame thrower*

*is protected by his sunglasses*

*rides forth and casts down the skips*

*the CGE arive in their late and extremley overbudget ships, guns blazing*

We're on fire, HELP!!!

*uses radio to communicate*

Umm... I'm not sure the fire department is up and running yet... Just thought of a very disgusting joke that I can't use on h2g2

Anyway, Erm Theres a lake nearby that you could crash land in

Sorry for interupting your war, I'll just get out your way...