h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Lock Haven, PA - A967980
Author: Stahlion - U219252

First work for the Guide, I think it's pretty darn good.

It's not bad, but doesn't really give an idea of what the place is actually like if - like me - you've never been within several thousand miles of the place. And, as not everyone reading the guide is from the USA, it might be an idea to expand 'PA' to the full name of the state - and perhaps give an idea where exactly Clinton County is.

If you'd like to imagine explaining the town to a dumb Englishman currently surfing the Internet in Amsterdam, you'll probably get a good idea of the kind of approach required to getting this entry into the Edited Guide.

Stick at it, though.

Delete the first two sentences. And the last two.

Run the rest of it past a spell checker - there are a lot of typos to sort out.

As well as mentioning the major town events, as you do, say something about what the place is like. How old, type of buildings, where people live, what they do for a living, entertainment, eating and drinking out, landmark buildings, traffic problems, climate and weather. Local attractions or tourist spots. Transport links. Find a web site for the place or the area and link to it.

What about the drugs problem? Say more about that if you like - is it mostly in a particular part of town, is it high school kids, organized crime or what?

Is the place rich, poor, or a mixture? How do different people get along with each other? Are there any major industries, or is it farming, and if so of what type?

Maybe you've lived there for ever and are b-o-r-e-d with it. But put yourself in the shoes of someone who's never been there, and see what's interesting to write about it. We don't want to be bored, and I bet there's plenty about Lock Haven that isn't boring. Where did the name come from?

Good luck!

Are you planning to do any more to this, Stahlion? As well as everything Bels has suggested, it might be an idea, for those paragraphs you've started with a sort of heading, to actually separate the heading and put it above the paragraph in question.

The author hasn't posted on site since the 21th of Feb, so it looks like they're taking a while over that croissant. So this'll get move to the flea market in a few days, if anyone want to pick it up.

spelugx

I second a move to the Flea Market, if one is required...