h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

War looks at Duke's feet curiously.

War: So wait, you can't feel which toes? These ones? or these ones?

AOH! The horror! The horror!

*Staggers and limps grotesquely towards a chair and sits down.*

Is there a whisky bottle in that cupboard that isn't broken? I could use a snifter now.

* Bashes War over the head with the herald's Stave *

That's a foul blow, hitting a chap when he's got his foot stuck in a cupboard. Carry on like this and you'll have me to deal with

* starts honing blade and buckles visor onto helmet *

Here you go

*Gets new case, from Army HQ*

Here, this is my own personal cabinet. Don't break this one!

Field-Marshall Terran

*After several days of carfull intel gathering (aka Not being able to log on to his damndable server) Ice has assumed the best army to join is the relitivly unknowning population of that large metropoliten organization over there. Yet, being the unknowning civillians that they are they do not make the most effective fighting force so Ice has had to do some mild adjustments*

*Ice speaks into his cell* That right aproximite population 30,000, modern immunities and living conditions... as quickly as possible. Excellent.

*Within hours several insurgents had placed small aresol canisters of a very potent but short lived airborne bio-agent. That same day cases of flu like symptoms increased at local medical centers. By the next morning several deaths had occured. By T+2 days half the population had died with most of the remaining 50% infected. Ice landed in the sports arena that is acting as a temporary body storage area and surveyed the immense amount of bodies stacked in black bags about him. He grabed one of the nearby medical profesionals and slit her throat using the energy from her death to power the massive ritual that is needed to raise aprox 15,000 Zombies. As the power sifts among the cadavers and the first few begin to claw their ways from the body bags, Ice is already ordering them to quickly construct defenses and obstacles about the city*

*Sitting in a well fortified secret command room within the bowels of the city Ice coordinates his attack*
Send the first company of Zombies to say hello to the Terrans.

*Over the general broadband Com-Freq* Greetings fellow warmongers, After watching your "battle" I decided that you at least needed some kind of practice before any real war. I sent a hello gift. It should be arriving shortly. And please no hard feelings. *

A company sized element (roughly 100, but broken down into individual plt and squad sized elements of 15-30 each) of well armed zombies is tacticly moving (3-5 second rushes, smoke for cover, high/low crawling... the whole deal) towards the terran encampment.

*Back in the Undead Horde HQ of the infected city zombies are busily fortifing the buildings that are thier fighting positions, draging bodies the the animating pit, setting up AAA defenses and AT choke-points. A few sorcerour stalk here and thier binding tortured souls and vengfull demons into bodies and peices of equipment to create advanced units of Banshee's, Death Knights and Possesed pieces of military equipment (Tanks, Jets, APC's...etc)*

* Peeping over the trench top. *

Ok you lot, looks like we've go company. Is there anyone else here?

Right Soldiers! Any wizards in the Terranic Army Ranks?

FM Terran

Hmm, doesn't look like there is.

* reaches down and charges up the industrial size flame thrower *

Ok then, here we go...........

* presses the trigger and send a monstrous flame ball racing across the battle field. *

*Brings tank within range of the zombies, and fires a barrage at the first line*

* Loads saddle bags on Tewdric with garlic and perpares to take off *

I don't know whether it will have any effect but it's worth a try.

The flame impacts near one of the squads elminating them quickly. The tank round rips the skin off another team. A few teams of Zombies quickly make their way to the tank and surround it droping several explosives on weak points under the turret and on the tracks. Several are mowed down by the HMG but the explosives are set just the same as a few of the survivors retreat into the brush and trenches. Across the battle field another Platoon is engaging the terranic lines and joining in Mellee combat while they are covered by automatic weapons from behind.

* Odo mounts Tewdric and sets off towards enamy lines, soaring far above the mele on the ground the saddle bags are released showering the zombies with garlic pelets and high explosives. Before they can be caught in the blast the wheel round and head back for more amunition. *

*Sits quitely, sipping whisky and rubbing foot.*

*peeks over trench to look for Legionsy*

Where has that boy gone...?

*sighs, gets back down*

Yes, yes, isn't Legion a wizard?

*Going airborn on her dragon, brandishing crossbow*

*spook shakes hand of lead zombie.*

how do u do?

General Spook

*Runs out of the trench brandishing his trusty broadsword and decapitating a few of the closer zombies.* Horay! Zombies!

Hey! We're back in the top five list again on the front page.

*Cut off a number of random zombies heads, just missing Fred Smith*

Sorry Fred.

And we're gone again.

*cuts off various parts of surrounding zombies in anger*