h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Listerette enters*
Yes, I've been here before. Lets get down to work.

Yes ma'am but where has Mr. Rimmer got to?

Well he isn't needed for this part.

*picks up hypodermic syringe*

Now ma'am here we have Dr. Langstrom's Luck Virus being a mere mechanoid I can't inject myself so you will need to take quite a heavy dose. Bare in mind ma'am that this will leave you unable to stub your big toe for at least 6 days...

*braces self*

Go on then Krytie.

*cringe*

*walks in, looking a bit odd*
What the smeg is going on?

We're saving you Rimsie. Just inject it, Krtyen, don't let Rimmer stop us!

*sticks syringe in neck*

There we go ma'am. D'you feel lucky ma'am?

Now Mr. Rimmer, sir I don't want you to panic but the Toaster's gone...

*shakes neck, accompanied by a sloshing sound*

Yeah, I do. Shall we try it?

*grabs pack of cards and hands them to Krytie*

Shuffle em.

That reminds me sir... Could I get a read-out of the crew roster? I need to whose ironing needs done and at what time...

Yes Rimsie, don't panic. *hopes luck virus means she has said right words to prevent adverse reaction*

*shuffles cards*

OK, I think the top card is the Ace Of Diamonds.
Check it!
What is it?

*looks at the cards wich starts to smoke a bit when a very faint red light hits them*

*looks*

Why ma'am yes it is! 1 in 52 chance!

I think we have proven that the luck cells haven't dies, so ma'am if you would be so kind as to write out any formula that come into your head on this white board *points*

What is it?
Tell me guys, come on.
Oh Smeg it... tell me you nonks!

Or you could run.

Mr Flibble say I should burn the crew alive, what do you think?
*looks quite mad*

Please ma'am quick! throw the old syringe of antidote at Mr. Rimmer!

*burns the syringe with his hex-vision*