h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*After passing through the tall-grass prairie and the broken badlands, the road from Peta Gulch climbs the hills to the pass, a low point between two of the taller hills. The pass is about a half mile long and the hills on either side of the road rise steeply. Once through the pass, the road falls away again into a canyon.

On the top of one of the hills flanking the pass, Butch shades his eyes and peers out towards Peta Gulch. He can see nothing of the posse from here. He can see a cloud of dust in the badlands, indicating the advance Ape troop, riding towards the posse. He signals them with a heliograph to stop and proceed on foot.

He looks back towards the RRR and sees some of his boys riding towards his position. He signals them to split and climb the hills on both sides of the pass.*

*Rides up to join Butch on one side of the pass, dismounts, secures Sable and crawls up to Butch's position*

*eventually appears on the other side of the pass and waves cheerfully to Butch and Black Bart*

COOOOEEEEEEEEE BOYS - OYS - OYS - OYS

THARS AN ECHO HERE - ERE - ERE - ERE

*waves to Buckeroo Bob*

HEY THAR BOB - OB - OB - OB - OB -

*to Butch*

Lets git a pile o' rocks ready to roll down on em' We kin git a landslide going with the blasting powder we got on the mules.

Yeah, Bart, the rocks are a good idea, but I have another idea. Once the rocks get that stagecoach stopped, we...pssst...pssst -sst -sst -sst.

Damn echo - echo - echo.

*A cloud of dust moves through the tall grass prairie, then the badlands. Soon the cloud approaches the pass and in front of the cloud can be seen a black blur. The blur and cloud fly through the pass and disappear towards the RRR.*

Now whut in the name of the True Celery wus thart

Not sure, Bart, but look over there.

*Points to the prairie, where smoke and flames can be seen.*

Those Apes are smarter than I thought.

*Notices some movement out of the corner of his eye. Turns to look far to the east in the badlands, but doesn't see anything.*

*looks at Butch watching the Badlands*

Butch - yer don't think that ...... yer know ......

*Rubs his hands.*

Maybe......just maybe.

*As sunset approaches, the wind dies down and the fire slows. Butch sees the Apes head to the west around the fire and pick up a trail. To the east, a stream has stopped the fire. The posse is split - some trying to outrun the fire, which they are doing successfully now that the wind has died, and the rest are on the other side of the stream. There is a rumble in the sky as a storm approaches.

As the troop of Apes gets near, Butch signals them to join his group.*

Ook [we made it Butch - mission accomplished]

Ook [I think we winged that pesky Ant - she won't be so cocky anymore]

Ook [There was this guy in a white linen suit, a Panama hat and a Scottish accent - you should have seen him run ! I haven't laughed so much since I saw Uncle Clyde in 'every which way but loose']

Ook [They wus just sitting around drinking tea - they never knew whut hit em']

Ook [it's gonner take me forever to get this smokey smell out of my hair, anyone have any gel ?]

*A horse carrying a preacher gallops into the pass.*

Thar goes anuther wun Butch ..... thars more preachers round here than yer cud throw a stick at. Ah vote next wun that rides through we have a little shooting practice and send him to the Lord a little quicker than he planned !

heh heh heh heh heh.

*looks over to the other side of the pass*

Der yer think Bob over thar has fallen asleep ?

Pass me a stick of that new fangled dynamite ... ah reckon he needs wun of those special wake up calls

*A ways behind him, another horse carries a rider wearing skirts and pulling on a cloak and bonnet*

Jumpin' Jehosophat Butch - thars a filly on a filly chasing that preacher feller. I bet she's lokin' ter be converted

Well, /something/ along those lines...

*As the sun goes down, Butch looks south, out beyond the badlands to the prairie. The fire is out now and the posse has set up camp in the burned-out area. He looks to the east again, over the badlands. Far in the distance, from behind a mesa Butch thinks he sees a slight flickering light, as if from a small cook fire. As he watches, the flickering stops and he blinks, wondering if he really saw it or whether it was just his imagination.*

Say, Bart. Did you bring any grub? All I've got is some fancy-dancy greek pastry that I picked up in the Atelier raid. Tastes all right, but it doesn't hold ya for long. Man, I wish they hadn't found our beans cache.

*Pauses while Sherry catches up, and scans the tops of the hills.*

I believe I heard something, but I'm not sure it was just my imagination. I think we should get through this pass as quickly as possible. I don't like the looks of it, and with that posse coming up behind us, there is bound to be trouble.

*Sherry nods enthusiastically*

Yes, Reverend, Ah agree wholeheartedly. All the hairs on the back of mah neck are standing straight up.

*Sherry puts a hand inside her cloak*