h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

My fault, my fault my fault... everything's always my fault.
*hits himself over head with frying pan*

Well, you are Dr E for Evil Vibenstein aren't you?
Now, give me the frying pan, before you do yourself some real damage and we have to fix you again!
ooooh, those legs look painfully out don't they. What I'm wondering is do we have to swap the whole leg round, or just the knees and below. Surely Irn Bru couldn't have done this.... then again... maybe it did, with the help of a lug wrench What happened Dr V

I couldn't help it - his legs just came off in my hand.

They came off in your hand...... uh huh.
Why were you handling his legs??? (do I want to hear the answer to this?)
*braces self for a surprise*

*blows up a paper bag and bursts it*

*jumps 6 feet into air* Squack! *so much for preparation!*
Gawd, no wonder Roadkill's legs fell off. *checks own legs....* Phew mine are still there in the right place! *bends them a bit to see if they still work* Well I can still move ....
It is all your fault *consults with Z with a view to corrective action*

You were braced for a surprise, so I gave you a surprise! There's no pleasing some people.
*hits himself over head with frying pan*

Don't EV...I ain't spending several hours stitching your head next time....It'll be the staples for you if you are not carefull fellow me lad!

I think the whole hip-joint may have to be rotated Z....Time to put the boy to sleep...

*sulks quietly in the corner instead*

Poor Dr V - I was braced in preparation for a stupid answer to a stupid question. Stop sulking, if the wind changes your face will get stuck like that! OK, OK, it wasn't your fault....
How would you like to put the boy to sleep? *eyes frying pan with trepidation*. I forgot to bring strong alcohol and a bullet to bite on.....*rummages in pockets and plastic bags*....I've got an ice hockey puck he could bite on.... I don't think Flash has anaesthetic qualities...

*produces a bottle of ether and a Korean war ether-mask*

I'm not that cruel...

*disards frying pan out of EV's reach*

Now then...EV, quit sulking and come hold the mask over Roadkills face. Let on drop of Ether fall every minute..Nomore or you'll kill him..less and he'll wake up....

*puts frying pan into cupboard.....out of sight out of mind*
Thank goodness - the thought of belting Roadkill over the head was rather unpleasant. *sniffs ether fumes appreciatively* I love the smell of ether in the afternoon.

*lets one drip drip*
Why can't we just hit him with the frying pan?

Because.....

Just do what I tell you!!

*Checks to see if Roadkill is out yet...decides she doesn't care and starts to sort out his legs anyhow*

*drip*
Fair enough.
*drip*
How many drips was that? I've lost count.
*drip*

*head down, making sure face is turned away from hidden camers*

If he dies, I'll be giving the tape to the police........

*continues to fiddle with Roadkills hips*

Best not take any chances then.
*stops dripping ether on Roadkill*
I'm not the one fiddling with his hips... or, indeed, any part of his anatomy.

*puts the bow down and starts to re-align Roadkills legs*
I really don't know how you managed this EV...

Well, I'm not going to tell you.

*snores , and rants deliriously*

Mmmm. PUMPKINS! PUMPKINS! THEY CAN'T GET YOU IF YOU'VE GOT LOO ROLL! OTHERWISE I'LL LET THE FISH OUT!