h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

...and then, it up-ends, spilling the vilest of plant residue on that fabulous Persion rug that your OWN mother gave you as a wedding gift. Now, the nausea really strikes,... Be damned with the phantoms, the demons, the noxious apparitions and fumes, the fright really sinks in, ... How shall I EVER explain this to Mum ???

I'll just tell her that it was ALL hubby's fault, she'll happily jump at the chance of

heckling, harassing and just generally picking on him After all, is that not mother-in-laws are all about? "I'll make him pay", she states. "Taking my darling daughter to Las Vegas for a honeymoon, like some common harlot."

She slinks away, knowing that those golf-clubs are somewhere, just WAITING to be oh-so-subtley bent, twisted just the tiniest bit. "That will teach him, heh heh heh", ...

You shake your head to clear it from such wishful thinking, knowing your mum will never believe this....

and go in search of that Siamese cat with the REALLY serious attitude. "Perhaps if I wet her down enough, Mum will beleve she was somehow responsible."

Passing by the den, there is a terribly eerie moan. It is not quite unlike the sound hubby makes after the most recent beating about the head and shoulders with the putter. And yet, it sounds just a little different, ...

more like...you stop and hold your breath to listen..

yes, it definitely sounds more like that perveted cab-driver from down the street. How could he be in my den? Why would he be in my den? Why is there the unmistakeable aroma of fresh baked apple pie in my den? The questions swirl about, seemingly without ...

...a thread to attach an answer....dizziness overcomes you...the perverted cab-driver has fallen asleep on your very best antique chair and has even been ................

smoking a cigar which now has burnt a hole in your precious chair, oooh, how will you explain that to hubby ?

You invesigate closer , to find the perverted cab driver is dead!

You sniff at the apple pie- that's it, poisoned, just like in the fairy tale about snow white and the seven dwarves.You kneel down to look whether there are still dwarves near

but there are none..

you notice the time..hubby will home soon..but what to do with the body!? you..

drag it toward the closet door....you will just have to hide it until Hubby has gone to bed and then maybe you could.......

heave it in the trunk of hubby's car,so

When he takes that months' vacation and leaves the car in the Multi-storey carpark...the evidence will have....

decayed and start to smell..no that won't do! you decide to chop it up instead.. you find an axe and start the job..

ThuNK...thUNK...you do not have the strength to chop him up...that cold feeling and pale green glow begin to descend the stairs again.....

It starts to swirl and bounces from wall to wall glowing brighter with each bounce!

the slow pulsing noise it also accompanying the glowing pale green light.....

what on earth could it be?!

just as you think that you hear hubbys car in the drive..hes home from his night shift!